It's been a hectic but relaxing few days. Let's see here...
My sister's family has been snagged from the burgh-port and delivered to Altoona (after mother put us to work here at my place getting the TV moved and all of the connections to peripherals functioning).

My last three older windows have been replaced - and I am excited for the nice weather to enjoy a nice draft in my bedroom without worrying about not having screens.

Most of the gifts are opened, and I made out like a bandit *again* this year. Movies, books, CDs, Ladybug goodies for the kitchen, and quality time spent with friends and family with a few more of these times set or pending on the horizon.

Scheduled additional ink... woohoo!

Saw "I am Legend" - enjoyed it, but bawled a good bit. If you've seen it, you know where and why. I also got to watch one of my new DVDs in my living room, it's a nice feeling to be back in there - perhaps motivation to get in there today and get some things on the walls and start working on finishing touches?

I forgot the rant I wanted to include yesterday, so here goes. I understand that everyone deserves Christmas eve off and should get to go home to their families. HOWEVER, if your business' telephone answering machine tells people you're open "today" until 9pm or 10pm then you really shouldn't be closing at 6pm. Seriously, are companies that inept that they can't fix the automated system for the changed closing time? This peeved me a bit at Barnes and Noble on Tuesday, but it really chapped my ass with PetCo when I realized at 6:05 that there was none of Danika's food at mom's place and I needed to locate somewhere that was still opened that carried it. I did find her food (at Kmart, who would have guessed) so at least that potential catastrophe was averted.

Last night I again dreamt of the ex... quite a bit. It's been 5 years since you ruined Christmas (and Valentine's day) so get the hell out of my head.

Christmas is almost over... I didn't open a single present today however, as I want to wait until my sister's family gets in for all that stuff. The girls did get to open their presents however, now that we've returned from visiting my mom, so the house is full of squeaks, rattles, and wagging tails. Mom still made a ton of grub today - no worries!

It's hockey night... but here I am sitting at home. I don't know why exactly. My throat started getting sore again last night and swallowing was not pleasant all night. I stayed in bed all day and showered with just enough time to get to the War Memorial, but still here I sit. I truly don't know why I have zero desire to go. The game yesterday felt more like work or an obligation than anything else. 45 minutes til the game starts and I still haven't decided if I am going to move. Anyone feel like placing bets?

I have the itch... all I want for Christmas is some new ink. I know 90% of what I want done. There will be some additions to the leaves on my back and a new entity on the back of my neck. While I get frustrated that I can't really see my leaves as is... the back is the best/safest place to put tats with the least chance of stretching them all to hell and back as I lose/gain weight and keeping them hidden if need be. I would still love to get my 13 in there somehow, but I can't come up with a way to make this part of the whole where it won't just look like a random addition or out of place. Any ideas?

I came home (late) this evening from work with every intention of getting my damn sprocs to compile and crashing out for a while, with just a smidgen of guilt for not planning on working in the living room... and it quickly became a trip for wings at the Orchard and off to the Corners for a drink... which quickly became several drinks when the guy across the bar bought multiple rounds.

Actually, I also fully intended a rant here when I finished opening my mail... but even that is soothed. I will however highlight the topic: The plethora of people who have selected not the every day holiday card but instead photos of their happy frickin family masquerading as cards to send and smear in my face.

I did submit final grades however, so the last "work" before Christmas is done. I can chill a bit. That in and of itself is quite soothing.

Since my last post, the entertainment center has been obtained and put in place. I still need to get the electronics set up. The major delay there is getting slave labor to help move the TV back into the room and to heave it up onto the stand. Most of my DVDs fit in the new entertainment center, which now leads me to need a CD tower of some sort.

Despite another boomer and a bout with a raw throat I still managed to make pretty good progress in the living room. The curtains are wrinkly but hanging, the couches and papasan are in place, the bookshelves are constructed and in place, the Christmas tree is up with presents bulging out from underneath, the decorations are coming out of the boxes for placement, the wireless card is functioning at home, the kitchen table is back in place, and I even made banana bread! *yum*

The last two Christmas gifts should be arriving from Amazon in the next 24 hours or so, so I am - somehow - actually ready for Christmas with a week to spare! Of course I still have final exams and final grades to complete in the next couple days, so I am not off the hook yet. There truly is no rest for the wicked.

Oh, and how is this for wacky, the place FINALLY called about the last three windows that I ordered months ago. Why do they wait until there is snow on the ground and frigid temps before they want to rip three huge holes in my wall to replace windows?! Grr.

Naughty little Durango. Not sure if I mentioned realizing that the air conditioning wasn't very "conditiony" at the end of this past summer. Turns out she needs a new compressor too. Thank GOD for extended warranties. I wonder how much will rot out on Drake through the winter while I am busy doting on Autumn. At least I'll have her back tonight so I can go get my entertainment center and make more progress putting the living room into a functional order this weekend.

Clearly the Durango was feeling neglected and wanted a Christmas present too... now she's getting new rear brakes, rotors, etc. Naughty girl. I guess the book was right - rusted and crumbling would easily surmount to "imminent brake failure".

Had a blast at the club Christmas party this year... if for no other reason than the fact that I was sought out many times (despite those luring the seeker away repeatedly) and I didn't get that stomach in my throat uptightness. I think I am well on my way to over it! I'll still adore, but in a different way.

I wasn't too sure about the carpet, but now that I got it vacuumed (fluffed) I am sure I did good again. Now for trim. Again I am a bit paralyzed. At least I can do some cleaning additional dust and hunting for the leather polish to get the couches back in the room. Oh, and put together the new bookshelves etc. Plenty still to do before the tree can find its place with the gifts underneath. Time to get to it!

I am back, have been since late afternoon Saturday. Got the girls immediately and headed home and started through the post vaca wrap up (unpacking, going through mail, laundry, yadda yadda).

A few other things from my vaca that deserve a bit of a rant or discussion:
1). Woman w/ the chuckie car: I know I do NOT want to cut this chic off. I saw the chuckie doll looking up over the dash from the passenger side when she was behind me and the bride of chuckie doll hanging out the rear passenger window when she passed me. The huge "wanna play" sticker on the back window was the finishing touch.

2). Big butt mannequins: It's well known that the population as a whole thinks women should be obscenely skinny and they use unrealistic mannequins. Ok, even in the stores that are more targeted towards blacks as opposed to whites have obscenely thin mannequins in the windows, but they have bigger butts. How damn funny is that? I do have ghetto booty, so I am allowed to talk about these things. I love it!

3). Santa vs. Jesus: While in the Shake and Stake I sat near a mom, her two kids, and the grandmother. The mother used the threat of Santa for a half an hour straight to get the kids to behave. Ok, this is a common act for parents desperate for a moment's peace, but it made me giggle. Why? Because recently I told the "make the baby Jesus cry" story to a friend. Why is it that I find my relatives telling their grandchildren that their acts are making the baby Jesus cry so damn funny but yet the threat of Santa's opinion is commonplace. Isn't that a bit backwards?!

Today I made a run to Wolfs and picked out a new TV/Entertainment center. The one I have now is just way too huge for the living room and out of place. With the room ready to come together this week it just felt like a good idea.

I so could have spent another full day at the Concord Mills mall... woohoo Charlotte. Today's chain was Steak and Shake. I ate a steak sammie at a little place under the arena before the game, but it was unremarkable.

The Chiefs pulled one out for me and beat the Checkers tonight. At least I can go home knowing we're bringing back some points. Going home means I have to get up hella early tomorrow, so g'night!

The past few nights have had quite a few odd dreams: One popping red see through bubbles that were suppose to be spirits of some sort that were troubling my mother. This inturn enraged this little monster creature that appeared right as my alarm went off. Another where I was in a rush, sorting through awful clothes looking for something I was willing to put on. Mostly however they are, once again, dreams with my ex in them. What are you Jean-Claude to my Anita? Get the hell out of my dreams once and for all! In most all cases when I dream of him he is still with his whore but is trying to talk to me or in the process of moving out or back in. Some of the conversations leave me swearing he is trying to tell me something or get comfort from me. Out, out, damned spot. If only I could go back in time perhaps I would be more able to share Lady MacBeth's thoughts on a more personal level.

I stuck around in Columbia today and did a little more shopping. I managed to find a place that had a Christian Dior counter and got to sniff the latest Poison variation. Love it! So now I have added Midnight Poison to my collection. If only I could get rid of all the other little scents I've been using and dwindle down to just Pure Poison and Midnight Poison I think I'd be happy - closer to having a signature scent than I ever dreamt I could be. Today's menu included Olive Garden and Baskin Robbins *yea!*

Time to lounge around a bit and read.

I'm back bitches... since La Quinta offers free highspeed, but only wireless - I bit the bullet and hit up Walmart for a card. I needed to do so anyhow. Hopefully this one will work as expected with the home set up as well. Anyhow...

So today I got moving out of Augusta after snagging some Sonic *yum* for lunch. I know it is my own "rules" that one is not to go to chains when vaca-ing, but Beff said I am allowed to break the rules, so I modified them - I'll hit chains we don't have, which works out quite well. For dinner tonight in Columbia I offered up a tribute to Slips by stopping at IHOP on the way to the arena. The amusing thing to me is how very much like Augusta it is here in Columbia the same places all clustered around the hotel. Ok, not AS close, but still - same establishments.

Another bit of a smackdown on the ice tonight we were up by 2 and then... I dunno what happened just clusterfrell. Earlier in the afternoon I was all about the malls, both the open air one that reminded me of a newer mall that opened in Durham before I moved back north and a traditional mall (that had a Fredericks *cheer*). Tomorrow is a day "off" so we'll see what I come up with!

Assbeating. 8-2. Ouch. Rowe swayed off the ice with the assist of several others during the first leaving behind blood - I can only assume he split back open the cut above his nose. I did get to partake in the confetti that the Lynx fans toss after each of their goals. The arena was fairly empty (weeknight game) so one fan club member I had spoke to earlier made a special trip down the stairs to shower me with confetti and shake my hand at the end of the evening. Incidentally, the arena was easy to find, despite Rita and my delightful grub and stuffed tummy.

Left LBE bright and early. First flight was a little late, but the second from Detroit to Charlotte was early. I slept like crap last night, which had me dozing off instead of reading, as I had intended, on the second flight. Let me say: Detroit's airport is a bit odd – not only do they have the ppl movers but they also have a tram and this very strange hallway with lights and music. I almost ate at "Slapshots" in the Detroit airport but then paused and shivered at the thought of the Red Wings.

Coming into Charlotte I couldn't help but pine for the Carolinas. I really do love it there. I can't even completely put my finger on it. There was a bit of a backup getting the rental car. I counted myself blessed when they didn't pull up with a soccer-mom-mobile, but I quickly realized I still got shafted… no CD player. WTF!

At first I thought it might not be that bad since I am no longer in the hills of shitty reception known as PA, at least that was until I clicked through endless Christmas music, Mexican fiesta tunes, and uber-twangy country stations. I settled on a sappy station with a ton of old love songs… what a great drive. *shoves finger down throat* I made the best of it and sang along with all my might. This crappy little Aveo has good acoustics if nothing else. Oh, I also laughed so hard I almost wrecked when the weather announcer mentioned it was a bit "chilly" today outside of Charlotte… 57 degrees is not chilly! I made the drive further south past Columbia and to Augusta in good time. I will also note that it is quite apparent when you leave the Carolinas and cross into Georgia. Blah.

Because I'm a slacker that never got my wireless up and kicking on the laptop I am sans a connection here at the Augusta LaQuinta, but that's okay. I'll be busy scarfing at the Outback and hitting the game tonight – that is if Pecos and Rita don't prevent me from navigating in the right direction!

Ok, the past 22 hours have gone so incredibly... s l o w.

I woke up at least 20 times last night. I am such a retard when it comes to vaca. I get so strung up I am like a child on Christmas eve. But I did rest well. After finally getting up and getting gathered I headed out a bit earlier than originally planned since we finally got enough snow to nasty up the roads a wee bit - oh, and to halt LBE. Boo! Thank goodness I always plan some buffer time into my itineraries. I should be to my final destination with plenty of time to make the drive and get to the game on time.

As it stands right now, I can't believe it's only a bit after 8, it feels so much later. I would have hung out later where I went to grub some dinner but the lackluster service left me wanting my own company.

One comment I neglected to make was with regard to someone being rather nice to everyone lately - even offering favors up for my travels. Gladly, this gal already bought what I need... because holding my breath would likely result in me passing out.

Still nothing profound, but plenty to babble about as I've been pretty busy the past few days. So starts the vaca. I have so been looking forward to a little bit of time off. Saturday morning I got up early enough to take the girls to camp and head the rest of the way to the Westmoreland mall and Burlington. Sure, I wanted to get the last three christmas gifts I need to buy but I ended up coming back with several things for myself and a cute little coat for Danika, since I still don't think she has enough fur for the snow when it finally comes.

From there back past Stahlstown to Seven Springs for work's party. Yes, I drank. Wow. My friends once again earn there love and dedication points for the year. In the past I always snagged an upper manager or two and made them dance. This year, I have photographic evidence of it, but don't really recall that part. At least I slept well. No Mork, I wasn't dead... not that it would have disturbed YOUR REST! :P I have plenty of fresh bruises from what I imagine was a really fun stumble back to the rooms.

Back to Jingletown and all I wanted was a nap, which I got... so cozy. I guess when vaca is done I'll be able to collect my tip (cow or traditional) for delivering pizza, mail, and red death flavor NyQuil. For now, more sleep.

I think there is another plague going around. That would at least explain my desire to sleep ... ALL DAY yesterday. But, if that self-induced coma prevented me from getting as sick as some folks have been I'll take it in a heartbeat. I think I'll mix up a batch of airbourne to go with my second cup of coffee. I wore a nice heavy sweater to work today since the air has finally gotten as cold as it should be for this time of year, and now I am sitting here overheating. There is just no consistency in temps in this place.

I just realized how incredibly boring I've been lately - with nothing profound to note in my blog. I guess it's time to start paying closer attention to the world around me so I have more to complain about comment on.

A quick nap and my stamina is revitalized! I hit one more store, procuring a couple small items for Christmas and then snuggled in with a fruity beverage and started wrapping. Given that I would typically have had at least two sessions of wrapping by now I was quite behind. I can tell you this - I am very much so caught up! Now, if I can just find those last few gifts and get the last 1/3 of the items wrapped I'll be ready for Christmas... too bad it's less than a month away and there are so many things on my to do and to go lists.

So here we are again. It's not even 11am and I have a ton to say, go figure. I was so wiped out this morning I am surprised I didn't mix the bag of poo and the bag with the sammie in it. You know my fears of traveling with a bag of poop in the car - at least I didn't wreck. One last minute task complete - as long as there isn't some silly reason Danika should be good to go to the kennel.

I did start the Christmas card list yesterday. I also ran out and bought several more gifts so yay for me. Now I am itching to start wrapping them, never mind that there simply isn't room anywhere to do so. I didn't paint and yes, I know I need to do that sometime this week... I'll get to it, I swear. At least I had GOOD distractions last night.

I found out on Saturday from friends that my doctor is dead. First the hottie leaves that practice now this! Never mind that I had an appointment for this afternoon and they didn't call me at all! I call and yes, in fact, the appointment is cancelled and I should find a new Primary Care Physician. So begins the fun of "sorry, we're not taking new patients" and all that other bullshit. After a few calls I end up w/ a payment center for a doctor - nice listing Highmark *rolls eyes* - and the lady recommends a local doctor. So I call, those two docs aren't taking new patients (surprise surprise) but the third (new) doctor in their practice is... OMG. I think I went to high school with this person! How shocking and cool is that?

My last day in a four day weekend... pout! Chiefs kicked some Nailer butt on Friday night but ended up on the downside on Saturday down in Wheeling. Frankly, Saturday they looked like they were out celebrating the Friday night win a bit too hard.

Mom did her standard cleaning while visiting, so I have plenty of things that need put back where they belong. I am torn between taking time to do that, finishing up the paint, starting Christmas cards, or trying to find a few more Christmas gifts that I need to finish my shopping.

I think I am going to explode. Mother and I went to my uncle's here in Johnstown for our large meal today and I can't believe how much I ate. It was quite good though, and it was really my only meal today, aside from a bowl of cereal when I got up. I also got caught up on a good bit of my sleep this morning, it's about time. As it stands right now I could definitely use a nap. Mmm, tryptophane.

The Oyster White is on the two main walls and ceiling and looks FANTASTIC against the fireplace brick! Thanks for the help Rex :) I guess I should also thank 4 Corners for the fuel to get the job done including some even better than normal sushi and drinks. The weather has been so abnormally warm I was able to have the back sliding door hanging open last evening while we worked without even getting a slight chill. How wacky is that?

Dearest mother will be on the scene today, a day before I expected her, so the Red Red Wine walls are not complete but I am probably further than she expected. The carpet is now scheduled as well. But not until the 10th of December which put things tight to get the living room reorganized and get the tree up - but it has to be done so Danika has a first Christmas here with a tree and presents under it. I think the next few weeks are going to fly by.

Congrats to Beff as she becomes and Aunt once again. I'll forgive her for not pushing me to get more painting done for one night. I do think I will get in gear this evening on my own however, if for no other reason than the distraction.

Sleep has remained ellusive and I'm tired of seeing the clock reading 3 or 4 am before I wipe out. I'm tired - no doubt. I'm ready to fall asleep at 6pm but when I flip off the light and lie back on the pillow I feel like there are things I need to do before I can rest. It's not a mind racing situation like I've experienced in the past - or stomach in my throat and legs jumping like it was when my ex and I split but I do have that feeling in my chest. You know the one that you can only corrolate with your heart breaking?

It's past the broken point, but somehow I remain feeling like the a-hole despite the fact that I am not the one who made the recent decisions to abruptly severe all communications. Yes, I wonder if I'll ever get spoken to again and yes I doubt that there was any genuine interest to begin with. Sure - I've found another prospect, but it's still just a shiney illusion at this point.

Who says you need a game system to be a rock star... you can easily waste some time here anyhow, isn't that the point?

Up Beat Keep the rhythm and rock the party!

Play this free game now!!

Get ready for a bunch of random notes to bring you back up to speed...

First, woohoo! With much thanks to Beff for her help the primer is done in the living room. I can't believe how much we went through! We're ready to paint and I think the colors are going to look amazing. I am definitely excited now.

Not to put a hex on things, but there are actually a couple respectable prospects on the website I joined. Probably too good to be true, so no one should be holding their breath for me. But at least it brings my spirits up a bit.

Chiefs played ok last night - exciting enough game, but damn the word of life kids are annoying - it's hard to leave there without a headache every year. Either way they ended up on the downside to Dayton. It was nice to see Cuppett as backup for the Bombers and to say howdy. Picked up my newest jersey at the game - from opening night.

I've been sleeping oddly lately - lots of tossing and turning and dreams. I have a distinct memory of a dream with my father in it last night. For those that don't know, my father passed away just over 20 years ago, but there he was at some family type event and I pointed him out to my mother, who was also able to see him. That's all I remember, but it's nice to know I have a clear enough image of him still in my mind.

A few (obvious) words of wisdom that I find myself needing reminded of...
Now that I've realized I have done nothing wrong and it isn't ME I have to focus on the fact that you cannot save someone from themselves, no matter how badly you may want to. All you can do is pray that they'll get through things and come out on the other side okay.

I doubt the person I am referencing reads this blog, but if they do... I think I understand more than what you think, because my heart aches for you. The holidays can suck when it comes to those that are no longer with us. Watching people you once cared about moving on with their lives in such profound ways can really claw you open. Not having the things in alignment with your life that you idealize as being right (home, bills etc) can make you feel small and insignificant. To think I only know part of the story.

You can avoid me while you do what you have to do for yourself if need be - but please don't punish me for caring more than you think I should.

Threshold reached. I'm done crying. No matter how sad it may make me to have a strong desire to be near someone that pushes me back - It's not any more my fault than it is theirs that I'm ready for a relationship and they are not.

I am one hell of a catch and I know it... I've worked damn hard to get where I am. It's time to get my ass in gear - and to force the issue - I did it, I joined one of those matching websites. Desperate perhaps, but it beats inaction and waiting around for someone that doesn't seem to want to be waited for. I have no hard feelings - hell, if I can still say some part of me loves the ex, how could I have hard feelings because someone went through a shitty series of relationships before I met them that tainted their current view on the world. If anything, I hate their exes for chewing them up and spitting them out.

Bring on the old weirdos. Perhaps somewhere in the haystack I'll find a quality date or two.

Sometimes I get so angry at God. Some of you will think just saying this is blasphemy, but I also point out how often one can be angry at the humans we claim to love. I just want to know why if I am suppose to be single he didn't give me the know how and/or the strength to fix the things that need tended to in my home and in my life in general?

Why am I too weak to loosen the water filters so I can change them out in the hopes of improving the water pressure that has gone to shit in recent weeks? Why am I incapable of laying a nice bead of caulk around a tub to prevent leaks getting to the basement without making a royal mess? Why am I too weak to change the shower head? Why am I emotionally too drained to be a shoulder or an ear to someone else when all I need is a great big man-hug to make me feel better? Why do I get taken by surprise by some things and feel so hurt? Why do I feel shut out from some of my friends lives because I am not part of a couple? Why do I NEED someone if I am not allowed to have them in my life? Much like a compass pointing North, I don't need to see which way the "ring points" to know that those who have captured my heart don't feel the same.

There is nothing more relaxing on a Sunday than knowing you still have one more day off. My weekend thus far has been laid back but still quite accomplished. I bought several more Christmas gifts and a few things that I wanted/needed - including a bright red set from BBW with a supersoft bitchin robe and slippers. Today I even hit the grocery store - so I have the capacity to make food! Is it just me or does everyone else feel compelled to eat a little bit of everything that they buy after a run to the grocery store? Maybe it's just that I'm so excited to have food here.

On top of shopping I also cleaned up the remaining dust in the living room and got it taped off, painted the back of the drywall that sticks through the bathroom to match (first coat), cranked out three loads of laundry, and took a nap. I figure tomorrow I'll give the bathroom the second coat, put the Roomba to work, and try to stay motivated to cross a few other cleaning activities off of the list.

As for all of those other frustrations I was expressing lately, I am feeling content. Some things have been discussed and established - at least things are put into a perspective. It's strange how what seems like two steps backwards seems to be several steps forward.

The Chiefs lost last night, quite a routing from Reading. Blah. Was wondering if we'd have a surprise visitor - but alas no luck. More than one person was looking for you and wondering if you'd show 72.

For a brief shining moment - earlier today I thought it was Friday. Imagine my disappointment! Nothing much to report other than picking out my carpet for the living room this evening. Unfortunately, the earliest they'll be able to install isn't until after Thanksgiving. So I guess I'm without a living room until December. I guess it isn't that far off, really. After realizing things weren't pressing I decided to swing into South Side instead of coming back to get the primer started.

Speaking of December roaring up on me in no time - I did order a few more Christmas gifts today, but I am seriously behind and far from done with my shopping. If you're on my shopping list, give me some ideas!

Movin movin movin... It's not even 8:30 and I'm ready for a shower. I finally cleaned up 90% of the dust left in the kitchen - moving everything and wiping it down completely. Lots of things were deboxed or debagged and the remnants of packaging put at the curb. One bag of undesired dress clothes has been sorted, folded, and bagged for Goodwill. Admittedly, the roomba helped me get my multitask on... damn I love that little red bugger.

So, to toast an evening of long overdue hard work - do I make friends with a bottle of wine or the bottle of peach vodka, that was so lovingly dusted off?

The first flakes started flying today, ugh, snow. At least my sanity is returning. I always marvel at the power of the mind and hormones to twist a very basic issue completely out of whack.

Everything Pittsburgh seemed to be kicking some ass last night from the Pens to the Steelers. Canes did some whoopin too and cranked me up early in the week in my fantasy league once again. Still in third place! But I'm not holding my breath.

One aggregate function working in my pl/sql... now to get a concat working properly on one column. Perhaps the old gal still has a wee bit of l33t in her afterall.

Tonight the living room is getting professionally measured in preparation for carpet. That should put me on a more rigid timeline to finish painting which will hopefully have the living room back in order by Thanksgiving. *fingers crossed* That is, if I can pick carpet by then.

"Breathe deep, breathe long and hard... -The Sisters of Mercy"

Playing mean music and striving towards sanity... just wanted to keep you all abreast. Even if the weather will be shitty tomorrow, I am feeling a bit better. Now if only this damn PL/SQL would compile.

I fully admit I am just not equipped for some emotions and yes, when those emotions get tapped I do go flashing back to old pains, but I swear to you people, it isn't all about him. It's mostly about me and the things I feel like I repeatedly do wrong or things that are wrong with me that lead me back to the same angst and anguish.

Yes, this time of year doesn't help - all it does is remind me of those very same past pains - everything from October to March. Yes, six months out of the year herald awful anniversaries. Without a good distraction the bad is visible and, at times, overwhelming. I know I'm healed well enough to move on, even if the ones I want aren't.

Finally, as happy as I may be for my friends - I am still jealous... and yes, I HATE weddings.

As I feared.
One of many.
Not reciprocated.

Not sure where it all leaves me. I don't want to be in an eternal limbo like some of my friends seem to be... but it isn't like I have viable alternatives beating down the door. I just want what I had once. I want what I see in some of my friends today. I think boys are designed to make us cry.

I told you so normally feels so good. This time I wish I wasn't so fucking right all of the time. This is way worse than the typical "didn't stick" theory proposed through the years and goes straight to "stuck". It is ANOTHER repeating theme and it has me wondering how foolish humans are that they never see or hear what people are telling them, no, no, it could never happen to them. Why? Because we trust people we love to not lie to us which is a major mistake.

Other tidbits leave me wondering if it isn't all a big he-said she-said situation. Yes, I quickly remind myself that even though things cannot be defined at present as love, I too am foolishly trusting a bit too much - even if this being true wouldn't necessarily be a betrayal by definition. I was an only child - I don't share well.

30 Days of Night. First, no, no Beff, I don't think this was one for you - a single scene put the small hand on the door in our one book to shame. The movie's ending was, in my opinion, rather disappointing. Spoiler! So where do they go from there. Surely the real vampires didn't sit around and watch the damn sun rise. There was nothing there that would help anyone survive the next time the sun went down in the frigid north. I also take offense at all of the vamp movies that have the female vampires making awful squeally noises. I can even ignore the fact that they killed off all the sibe doggies right at the beginning for the sake of a horror film. I enjoyed the flick, don't get me wrong, I am all for any vampire flick... but would I hurry to buy the DVD and add it to my collection - alas, no.

Time for me to fall asleep pondering the heavy pregnant pause before my car was departed. The repeat of the Paulie conversation ensued.

I wish the weekend felt longer, but here I am again ... setting my alarm to get up too damn early tomorrow. Since my last post, mother got her xray done, but nothing back on it yet - not sure if she'll hear anything on it until she goes to the doctor later this week. If it was so urgent to HAVE the xray, don't you think feedback would be given the same priority?

Saturday I did cover a few hours that I missed on Friday with my migraine before heading to the game. Since it was an early one I gave in and headed to the Haven to hang out and laugh with a unique mix of folks. The one lesson from the evening (not realized until today after hearing about what we missed after we left) is that sometimes what I measure to be a good friend is not an equal measurement to everyone else. There are some things I would expect of my friends, and I can't believe that anyone wouldn't assume the same BASIC things as friends to other people. Friend is suppose to mean you care... it means you help protect those people. I'm just glad to hear everyone is okay.

Today I was up with enough time to clean up enough dust to make my dish for the welcome back party and to get some laundry done and a few other tasks. The party was nice enough... the welcome back party is always rather short.

So 30 Days of Night has been out for over a week and Saw IV is out and I haven't gotten out to see either just yet. I wonder if I'll get my ass to the theatre once much less twice before they're both gone and I have to wait for things to come out on video. I miss the days when I seemed to catch everything at the theatre. It was so nice to have steady accompaniment - someone that was always there - even if (in hindsight) he never really wanted to be there.

From the one that was to the one that will never be... As for my earlier comments, you know I am right, "9". In many ways. Get out of that head. And for the would-be, could-be, should-be... I think I'm wasting my time. I know you have no interest in what I want.

The sore jaw became yet another migraine, which had me down in bed all day today. Two in one week. Whee. This one took two doses of Axert to knock it out and now that I know my prescription coverage will only give me eight pills each refill that is a bit of a scary proposition if I keep getting these.

The one non-automated telephone call today came from my aunt, who was letting me know that my mother was feeling worse and using her oxygen all day. She was having difficulties breathing even taking a few steps. She is now on prednasone and antibiotics. The most frustrating thing is being coughy and sick myself - too much so that I don't want to risk going there and giving her anything if this is, in fact, more than just sinuses creating other problems.

It would have been very wise to get to bed early this evening, but it just didn't happen. Another trip to the chiropractor has the other side of my jaw achy already. *frown* I did sell off a jersey which shipped out and exchanged something that was mismatched on sizes. I also (finally) got my work laptop to connect to VPN properly from home and got in a bit of additional time so I won't be losing eight hours off of my vaca this week. Finally this evening I also attempted additional Christmas shopping - but I'm just not in the spirit of things.

I'm so out of the spirit I keep saying NO and putting off even talking about pumpkins. I know I should gladly make at least the one, but I just don't wanna. The house really needs cleaned right now too - there is a nice coating of dust throughout. At least I'm to the painting stage. I wonder how long I'll sit and not paint due to running here and there and being distracted.

It really amazes me how much other people's emotions and feelings can drag me to the same direction. Is that part of the issue this week? As Dr. Horne said tonight - "two months til Christmas!" Gee, thanks for that.

Some of my grumpiness lifted this morning thanks to half of the crud in my head draining out. I do have to wonder if the trip to the chiropractor didn't pop it out. Does that sound odd? My neck is sore this morning and the jaw pain is back however, is that the "first step" into getting back into alignment? I go back again later this week.

Some misunderstandings that my brain blew out of the water were cleared up last night as well. I really wish for the few days that my hormones go completely wacko I could lock myself in a room and not interact with anyone else. The annoying part is KNOWING your being wacky and not being able to keep yourself in check. To those I care about, forgive me for being nutty... just ignore the crazy talk and give me a freakin Roche-hug.

I'm so tired of asking questions - and never getting answers. Do I not exist? -Or only when it is convenient?

When hockey season starts, it starts at 100mph. Friday I got to head out of work a bit early and get on the road to pburgh with "87" to see the Canes take on the Pens. I was very pleased with my version of cheap seats - third row, two seats away from the Canes entry. This has to have been one of the better NHL games I've been to. Constant motion back and forth, went through overtime and into the shootout, and the first 5 shoot out attempts were made - no pressure Whitney! Unfortunately, all said and done the Canes lost by that one attempt. Either way it was a good time, and nice to chill a bit, escape from work, and talk a little more - even if some conversations leave me wondering.

This morning I slept in a bit and then updated the website. Mid-day I got the call from Casey that he and Vanessa's baby boy has arrived. Congrats to them and welcome to Dylan Andrew!

From there it was time to get ready for dinner with Beff and another Chiefs game - this time against Reading and another loss. The Chiefs started out looking pretty good but things shifted and tending went downhill taking us from being ahead to a deficit.

Late this evening I quickly realized how abnormal some things are. If you wanted to call someone and the number you had ended up (hopefully) wrong what would that leave you thinking? Would you just think "that's odd", think the worst that you were given a bad number, or would you just quickly realize that it's your own fault for never pressing the use of the dated mode of communication that the telephone is?

"9"... How you drive me insane. Admittedly, if you hadn't gotten in "my line", I wouldn't have gotten in yours. How I do adore that radiating smile - funny it doesn't come out too often, at least not when she is around.

The Chiefs lost... hopefully the Canes can come out on top tomorrow night.

I made my first ever appointment for the chiropractor next week, and it turns out not a moment too soon. I've had a sore jaw for about two weeks at this point, my neck muscles are acting up again (off and on issue since high school), and now this morning I managed to bounce down the basement stairs on my ass. Luckily I had my hands on the railing, so I kept my head from connecting, but I am sure I have a lovely bruise forming on my left cheek.

On a bright note, the living room is well underway at the moment.

Fear the day that Beff wakes ME up with a telephone call. Sure, it was 11am, but that is beside the point. So I roll out of bed and hit lunch w/ Beff, Slips, and Mork, then head on a procurement run, my Durango getting a bit of love'n, and a quick run to my beloved Ollies and Big Lots. By then it was already 5! Where do my days go?

The key part here is during my last scavenge I decided to test Danika out a bit by leaving her upstairs and putting Vix in the basement. Ok, sure she didn't completely trash the place, but she was standing on the dining room table when I came in. YES... table. She knocked a few things off (since it's jammed with things moved out of the living room) and ripped up a pack of gum, but other than that she did okay.

Still not sure how to squeeze everything into my weekends. I so need to get some things graded. For now - sleep - precious sleep.

Chiefs kicked some Youngstown tail last evening - woohoo! Very scrappy game too, a nice little kick off to the pre-season. A few cuts today (including a returning player that scored in Wednesday's game) and a few pushed down from Erie. I'm sure this is a stressful week for the guys... it would send me over the edge.

I guess it's been rather stressful for a lot of people around me lately, so it isn't just me. Is it just this time of year with the days getting shorter and the nastier weather?

How about them Canes? Sure it came at the detriment of the Leafs, but Carolina was on a roll last night - 7 to 1. Let me tell you how nice that turned out on my fantasy league! Hopefully the Chiefs can step off to a stellar start this evening against the Steelhounds. It definitely is a pleasure to have a team from a different league coming to town. Further, I need the distration - my mind is in 100 different places. I am really hoping hockey will tame the beast inside my brain.

I don't want to see her (v1), I don't want to hear about her (v2), and I don't want her to exist (v3, v4, ...). You can make fun of me for admiting to enjoy her tunes 72, but it's true... Avril was right when she said "you wrote I wish you were 'her', you left out the 'e', you left without me". Too many things are written and said in ambiguous ways and can send your mind down destructive paths (at least if you're a girl). I'll just distract myself with other Avril lyrics all night and giggle to mask my disappointment: "She's like so whatever. You could do so much better.", "I don't like your girlfriend. I think you need a new one.", and "She's so stupid - what the hell were you thinking?!"

Childish? Perhaps... but any woman who denies thinking like this from time to time is lying.

I'm just feeling moody. I guess there are a few things weighing on my mind lately and none of those things in and of themselves are enough to stress me out but the combination of them is - at least enough to make me want to throw a tantrum. To put off the tantrum I said "no" this morning and called off from work. I slept in a little, watched another practice, made my home depot run, napped, went to my dentist appointment, and attempted to start pulling things together in the living room. Seems like alot, but I assure you very little was accomplished - much to my disappointment in myself (aside from blowing my diet today).

I won't beat myself up for blowing the diet as I got to spend a little quality time w/ Beff and Rex in the process. If I hadn't been bad earlier in the day it wouldn't have been an issue, so it's my own fault.

Some folks don't realize the mistake they're making by being distant and quiet right now. Then again, maybe they don't consider it a mistake. I wish I could figure that out. Others finally manage to appease me and put a smile on my face with a simple word and gesture - but all that does is build doubt, desire, and confusion.

If I can't figure out my world I'll immerse myself in someone elses... so I will be doing more reading than I have been recently. I guess I'll need to keep my nose from digging too far into the book - there are things to be graded and text to type up for my class in the near term too.

Camp, camp, first date, and more camp. Ok, so Friday night was the first camp practice of the season. Damn but does it feel good to be back at the arena seeing the jerseys whiz by, smelling the hockey stink, and hearing the click of the puck off of the goal posts.

Despite (willingly) staying up a bit late Friday night I was up bright and shiney for the morning practice on Saturday and then early afternoon I headed to the South Side Saloon to meet "5". From there - back to camp once again - the last I'll hit before the pre-season game.

5 was a nice enough guy, just not really my type. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing does it uncomplicate things in any way or just add to the confusion and questions in other areas? 87 continues to puzzle with the forward and backward dance and desire to be around periodically but of course (since I'm a silly girl) I itch to hag out more often than he appears to want.

Sunday up early again to head off to Grove City to shop with the gals. I didn't buy too much and did manage to snag two items for Christmas gifts and a wedding gift for another individual. In the course of the day, despite trying to behave somewhat, I had two damn good meals - the first at Elephant and Castle a yummy turkey, lettuce, cucumber sammie w/ a cranberry mayo *yum* - the second at Garfield's at some little mall in the Butler area where I had a honey bbq chicken breast that came with a wonderfully topped salad and was still on their diet menu! Good stuff - I'm still leary to count up the calories for the day. At least I did a lot of walking.

Go Bates! He put me in the lead in this week's fantasy hockey matchup for PIM with this little act. Bleed Redden, bleed.

Tonight I made a grocery store run with an attempt to get healthier and lower calorie foods. I am back on the wagon and doing well so far. I need to get more time in my days however so I can get on the elliptical or walk the dogs, but at least I started somewhere and my mind is in the place it needs to be to make a change again.

Didn't get into the living room to work today, but I did get this week's materials dealt with for my class, and handled 4 more telephone calls. Last night my phone was blowing up too. What gives?! At work I keep getting IM after IM to the point of driving me a bit beyond the edge so I'm itching for a bit of silence. Perhaps I'll spend an evening out for dinner with a book to treat myself on my "day off" that I will allow myself from my pseudo-diet.

Anyhow, one call had my sister telling me that mother was sick again recently. Why doesn't SHE tell me these things? I just talked to her yesterday. Turns out they decided to put her on oxygen and now they're waiting for her information to get to a new doctor since her old one left the area. She's been on blood pressure medication for a little while now. Clearly the symptoms she's mentioned could be related. Long story short she is not getting enough oxygen in her blood when she walks up stairs and the like. *sigh* Mum isn't getting any younger, that's for sure.

Another call brought another male option number into the spectrum. I've been awaiting a call from "5" for a few days. So named for "pleading the fifth" which relates to him in a round-about way. It's a bit of a fix up as a friend's sister decided this could be a good match. Since that kind of thing NEVER happens to me (and I have bitched that some friends constantly had people offering to fix them up with someone) I figured the least I can do is talk to the guy, right? Perhaps we'll catch up at some point and get to know each other a little more.

One thing I've neglected to mentioned is that I felt froggy the other day and bought a bright red Roomba! I am eager to see how well it works. The reviews with regard to dog hair look promising, I guess we'll see. I was so excited that I actually dreamt about the thing the night I ordered it!

With that it's already near 10pm!

At last I've ripped down the insulation from the ceiling and can get a clear view of above. Now to try and come up with a game plan to prevent future water-related issues and get the new insulation up.

This fine evening also turned out to be rather educational time-line wise. Some of it comforting ... some of it disappointing in a way. I could really use a drink, too bad it would put me WAY over my calorie limit for today.

Back to the root of the matter once again. HOCKEY: I have pocket schedules so come one come all. Helped with their commercial last evening. God I hope I don't look like a complete doof if my image makes the screen.

DOGS: I am so proud of D! When Vix and I headed towards the door this morning as I was leaving for work she followed Vix right down the stairs! She definitely is learning what is expected of her and getting into the routine. She hasn't had as many accidents during the day either.

CAKE: I'm darn near giving it up... again. It's time to get serious and take a few pounds off. The jeans are too tight, the ass is too flabby. So, if I'm out to eat with you, encourage me to get something less awful for myself and hold me to only putting one sugar in my iced tea instead of my normal 3!

Saturday night I had a late meal of sushi and a chicken ceasar salad. I didn't sleep spectacularly, but we did get moving before noon to eat once again and head to Stackhouse park with Danika for a nice long walk.

After the house settled down for the evening I did squeeze in a quick nap, which was a good idea since I caught the end of the Steelers game and a couple ciders during a quick visit down the street. Tonight I'm guaranteed a good night's sleep... When was the last time I was ready to catch zz's at 10pm?

A busy and tiring Saturday indeed. I did sleep in a bit but got up to trim back the hedges in the driveway. From there off to join the clean-team. I was very pleasantly surprised how nice things were, it was mostly organizing instead of cleaning. Now that I'm clean perhaps I'll catch a quick nap while I am waiting for 72 to arrive.

One more hour until the weekend. I thought it would never come, this had to be the slowest moving week on record. One more week and the boys will be back in town. I can't wait to plop down in my seat and have the hockey stench waft through the cracks around the glass at me.

I did snag additional ceiling insulation so I can crank that out this weekend (hopefully) before 72 comes in for a visit. I will need to do a bit of cleaning in advance of said visit and come up with a few events with which to entertain. Perhaps I'll get in gear this evening after heading to City View for grub with the guy who most recently proposed to me and his parents (*laugh* I wish I could see faces when people read my blog sometimes. Settle down people it is a joke of sorts) and before heading to clean apartments tomorrow afternoon.

My mind is overly pensive and in a state of limbo the past few days. Maybe I'm just behind on sleep. Although I'd still argue it is rather from a lack of attention.

By the time I wiped out last night I didn't think I could possibly put one more morsel in my mouth. But... let me tell you what a fun evening I had! I was just going to chill at the house all night waiting for the fantasy hockey draft, but alas, the rest of the world had other plans for me.

After making a quick transport run for ... well damn, I guess I haven't given you a nickname yet - I'll work on that ... I got the call to grab sushi w/ Rex. I even got picked up and chauffeured around in the sex-mobile! BACK to the Corners for the second night in a row, but on Monday I had a burger. I figured I could grub fast and be back in time, no problem. Before I knew it Rex decided to fetch some computer equipment and set me up to function right from the bar. A couple of well-mixed drinks, some sushi, my own dessert, and several bites of Rex's dessert later - OOF.

I think I gave everyone a good laugh as I smack talked and hardcore-hockey-chic spouted during the draft. Go figure - last pick first round, but on a cool note it gave me two picks right in a row each pass. Needless to say I'm heavy on Canes (I am more aware of their play and skills). I managed to snag both Staal brothers and... as much as I loathe him, I buckled and drafted the cocksmoker^TM. Miller is back in my net again this year and I also pulled Kipper. We'll see how it goes. It should be more interesting doing head-to-head games than it was last year. First up for a whippin from my boys... Vuke. Bring it you baseball junkie!

Proof I wear heels too often: I drove my Tiburon with flats for the first time ever this evening... and it was a challenge.

Sorry "72" - you know I don't censor on here... and I need this forum to get things out and help resolve my thoughts and emotions - so consider this your warning to not read forward if you "don't wanna know".

I guess if we're using numbers another might best be served and represented by male option code name "87". You can tell where his affiliations lie... but I won't hold that against him. I do hold my paranoia tightly with this one and I'm not 100% sure why. Perhaps it is the potential for a more grave wound or for forced presence and ongoing need for communication beyond any relationship.

It's strange how many things "72" and "87" hold in common but are so very distinctly different. I guess that blows any theories about my "type" out of the water. I've already covered the very :different: things between myself and "72" and the personality differences as well as regional challenges that would make things a challenge, but yet I remain curious and know that the affection is genuine, it's comforting, it's something I want. Then I look at "87" and start making correlations - right down to damn near punting the glass across the living room. I also look at pasts that tie in to family and how accepted someone might be (uncles and their hunting camp or my sister and her husband's past affiliations). We're miles from that, but I can't help but think about those things - it makes sense to consider if there is an unavoidable brick wall in the certain future. There the affection seems genuine but I don't know how to take it.

I guess I go stereotypical female in general with any and all. No, I don't expect to talk every day but paranoia does give you a quick twinge when you don't get a message or a quick call. I guess it's all part of the dance. Why is it every human claims to loathe the "game" that goes along with dating, but the second you fail to play the game you lose? Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Further, is it wrong to still harbor some desire that... how should I number this one to make it a little less obvious... "9" could be male option code name "9"? I waffle between thinking it is a possibility and then realizing not only is it highly unlikely for numerous reasons but my mind has already ruined that situation by building up expectations no human being could ever achieve. He's still good to look at.

Last night I finally snapped - I moved the couches to clear out the kitchen a bit, cleaned up in there, and actually cooked! Amusingly, the one burner didn't seem to want to turn on, but all is well. At least now I have a batch of left over stuffed shells to nibble from for a few days. I eventually crashed out and slept in this morning before heading down to Altoona for a short visit and a burst of shopping.

I guess this is where I note how happy I am that Johnstown is finally getting it's own Old Navy. I have wayyy too many clothes. It's time to do another pass and donate older items to Salvation Army.

Of course, while I'm sitting here typing this male option code name "72" is across the country in an arena watching an NHL game. Rat bastard. :P Don't you love being named like some kind of freaky experiment?? Clearly "72" knows that my number is not a sequential type thing, but to the rest of the world - seriously, if I had 72 options would I bitch so much about guys on this blog?

In the mean time I think I'll watch another episode of Farscape. Too bad these are loaner Starburst DVDs since the first couple are darn near impossible to obtain.

One ore more of those three deer SO damn near got it... and crushed my car. At least I know that the Tiburon can stop on a dime.

Enjoyed the Bourne Ultimatum last evening... it was interesting to see Julia Stiles in an adult character role. Some good fight sequences and crashes. I wish I had gotten to sit down and watch the second Bourne film straight through prior however. The theatre as a whole was empty as could be. Good conversation and company was also to be had, which made the (late) evening quite nice.

As an update on the living room all of the wall insulation is complete and I need to pull down all of the insulation in the ceiling. Long story short I was only going to replace what needed it but seriously... upping the R-value will pay for itself, so it should be done.

Dearest mother solicited the help of one of my uncles and brought me firewood this morning, so I guess I can easily put off a gas insert for one year... I just wonder if there is something temporary I can put down in front of the fireplace on top of carpet to protect against sparks flying. Mental note - I need to get on the ball w/ a thank you card... and I need to get my sister's birthday card ready! Eep. I can't believe it's the 20th of Sept.

A bit of my earlier funk lifted in a rather strange way (much like my ass in these pants). For once the redefinition is saying something new.

I fought for equality and lost. Somehow I already knew I had lost, but I had sincerely hoped that maybe reason was capable of making a bit of a change. I very recently had a related discussion w/ a friend about equality with relation to gender and I tell you equality exists in no way, shape, or form. Your gender, the way you look, who you are, all of it shapes how fairly you are treated. If some twat decides they don't like you or feel the need to squeal on you for something they don't like in an "anonymous" manner they get to - and because they're a royal bitch with no balls to discuss things with you face to face you lose.

This has been the story of my life since 7th grade, when our school rebelled to wear shorts (yes, one day long ago students weren't allowed to wear shorts). I joined in the rebellion on the last day of school and sat in in school suspension while the little cheerleaders continued to roam the halls in their way too short shorts. Equality?

In Archery House, when Delta Chi decided to sneak into our lobby and steal everything they could get their hands on (mind you they were seen walking into their side door w/ things in their hands and a trail of footprints in the snow)... did campus security handle it fairly when they said "mmm, no, we don't see anything there that is yours"?

Yet they wonder why the continuously outcast are so angry.

Well, half of the room is insulated. That's progress, right? At least there is finally a game plan (with much thanks to friends). At least mother dearest will need to find something else to gripe about once the insulation is off of her mind. I would have rather slept the weekend away, but I am glad I got my ass in gear - I should sleep well tonight.

Now to find time to get the first assignment graded and first exam prepared for my class!

Like zombies ... rising from the dead, they lurch up from their graves where I have neatly buried them, one after another. No feeling, just malice without conscious volition.

I forgot to mention earlier that when Ms. D came in from outside this morning she immediately lept into my bed curling into a ball before she even hit the top. Did she think she could get away w/ that one with a "but mum, my foot hurts". Actually she was probably cold as hell w/ all the more fur she has. It's cold in Jtown already!

I think I will be nominated for worst mum of the year. So last night as I went for food Ms. D was downstairs and managed to knock over some of the wine bottles sending them smashing to the ground. She only has a small cut on one paw which cleaned up easily but I didn't like seeing the glass every which way and a smear of blood on the floor! Poor girl. At least it appears Vixen decided to stay away and clear.

I am also realizing how much the Leonard-Judy reflection balance of respect carries over to relationships with males in general. It is rather unfortunate that continuing in a manner which led to success in that scenario is impossible to foster anything long term.

I returned the defeated crate after work today and got a bit creative this evening with the old ass-kicked plastic crate. I won! Unfortunately, my victory felt quite short lived when I noticed some blood in the crate... so now I feel like a horrible mom. Don't worry all, she's okay, it is just a little boo-boo, but now I debate: will she start to respect that boundary or will she keep railing against it and hurt herself again and potentially worse?

Don't worry, I'll get my deserved punishment one way or the other - it might be the headache I feel brewing (perhaps I'll pop a migraine pill before bed) or a displeased stomach thanks to the feisty wings from the Haven.

The attempt at defining one thing and redefining another continues. Either way, the shoes are hella cute.

Look out Houdini. Danika's first day with her new crate (friday) and she once again greeted me at the top of the stairs when I came home. The mind boggling part is, I have no clue how she got out unless it was from the bottom of the pen somehow. My poor basement door is getting its butt whipped.

I would have reported on this yesterday but my ISP had some outtages, so I was down last evening. Worked out well as I had to give a lesson or two on cabinet cleaning. Vote people - do you, or do you not, wash things down before you move into a new place. C'mon man!

Today, once again the bad routine - shopping - but I did get a couple Christmas presents once again. I realized how hungry I was midway through the afternoon and gave Capri another go. The meatball sub was pretty darn good as were their buckeyes. Dang it's warm out there today. Thank God for that central AC. All that tells me is that the bubble is about to burst and I'll be scraping a windshield in no time.

Best burger I have had in a long looong time - thank you 4 Corners, I needed that. The strawberry kahlua... whatever Genis calls it was delightful too.

Ever suddenly have to make a decision that isn't just about you but you know how much it impacts? Is it worth the risk, the challenge, the frustration? The most important thing in the world after being the hurt one oh so often is to avoid being the hurt-ee.

I left pretty fired up yesterday. I'm trying to take the appropriate actions but it lights me up to know I can't win, won't win. Equality doesn't exist. When you try to follow rules you get burned by them, but if you just blatantly ignore them you can do as you wish. Once again I have been singled out and scorned for something done with no mal intent, something many others have done and continue to do in numerous forms. You'd think being around the ex somehow rubbed off on me and I'm the target for every cop (wanna-be).

To top it off we DID have the police called on us later last night... no no, don't get all shocked, it was an honest deal. But to whomever called the cops - What burglars wear bright white shirts, carry a blinding portable sun, and climb ladders with scrappers and paint on the side of the house closest to the most visible street? Seriously. I didn't get the beer I so lusted for last night, but I did get a cherry coke, so I got that going for me.

Danika will be quite displeased to learn that her new training crate should be there today. If she bends the snot out of this one I'm just going to give up. The only other option is duct-taping the dog to one spot.

Oh, and another thing... I am now not only tired of being redefined, I'm also tired of being a victim of bad timing when passing in different directions.

"Have you ever been hated or discrimiated against? I have. -Eminem"

Paralyzed with indecision and fear. That sums me up in more ways than one. I mean it today with regard to the living room, which I made three distinct attempts to go get something moving and wandered back out of the room with some pitiful excuse thus delaying the inevitable. It is this same indecision and fear that has me waffling back and forth between my desire to get the hell out of dodge and go back south and to just accept that this is where I am and that NC wouldn't be any better, in fact, worse - because of the cost of living and the constant fear of seeing the wrong people.

It is really sad how a majority of my being and feelings are wrapped around a significant other, or lack there of. I could be happy in Johnstown, if I thought for a second I have a shot of finding anyone here. All I get contacted by around here are 40-somethings, which frankly, disgusts me. Yet they try to sell themselves to me like they can somehow talk me into going out with them. Are most women that easily manipulated or just that stupid?

At least I am nice enough when shot down to leave the person the hell alone, or at least try to. The killer is when they decide you're not good enough for them but they still want to be your buddy, again, something I just can't handle. If I am not good enough why would you want to be around me or associate with me? All it does is remind me of my inadequacies.

Worse still are the ones that you can almost see the dollar signs in their eyes when they learn what I do. I've said it a million times - I've worked hard to make myself marketable, to give myself worth... and it turns out all I did was put myself in a spot where the guys I want to attract are repulsed and repelled by me. I intimidate them or make them uncomfortable because they wouldn't be the bread winner. I make them feel stupid because I won't blindly roll over and agree with their every thought and actually stimulate them intellectually.

To those of your rolling your eyes or saying how untrue that is you're full of sh*t. If I were a waitress making $3/hr plus tips I bet I'd have more and better opportunities to date. Naturally the next immediate reaction is for friends to point out that I wouldn't be where I am today... exactly! They think me crazy, but if I could rewind I'd gladly hop back to high school, and, yes, I would still wish to see just one day through the eyes of one of the popular girls.

Woohoo a few more holiday gifts gathered from the mall. You can tell I am desperate for something to do when I actually go to the mall for other than a weekday lunch. This afternoon, despite less than fabulous reviews from an aquaintance or two I decided to take in Rob Zombie's latest venture in Halloween. Much like Kevin Smith revamps the same actors from one film to another Zombie made space for Otis, Captain Spalding, his wife Sheri, and others. It was enjoyable enough, but perhaps I just have a bit too much of a propensity for 80s-ish horror flicks. There is just something about them that has me cheering on the inside for the bad guy and something that puts a small grin on my face with each stab or slash. One thing I can do without is jumpy bitches sitting behind me - perhaps I envy them, I would give anything to find a movie that can make me jump with fear and surprise.

While on the movie topic, do you know how creepy it is to see someone you know from elementary-high school listed on IMDB? I was googling for something completely unrelated but with regard to Altoona and spotted this. It seems wrong to say Joe, so congrats Joey - and to be working with Mosey too. It's a bit surreal to think someone I knew as a child is working on shows like The Office.

I did get through the first 100 pages of the first AB book, so I am hopefully caught back up with Beff. Now if I could just get my ass in gear in the living room my long holiday weekend will be nicely diversified.

Ok, so the Corners is closed for the long weekend, but the Blvd is open! I had some grub and some drinkage, I did some reading, and now here I am happy and updating photos. So check out the (finally) updated link to my jerseys.

Friday night of a long weekend - once again, what is on my plate? Nothing. I am starting to find the school-less times a bit odd, perhaps I'm caught up in my relaxing and slacking. Granted, not enough to get my butt motivated to go bust in the living room, sadly. What has been on my mind is Christmas shopping, but where the hell am I going to store things I buy with the upstairs rooms jammed with living room crap?

I guess I'll be spending some time chasing dogs around the yard and maybe starting in on one of the books that are waiting for me. As to tonight the corners are calling - all four of them.

Busy busy busy... but not in the living room. Yesterday after work we headed down to Altoona where mum puppy-sat and I headed to the Jtown Chiefs season ticket holder night at the Curve game. I watched a little of the game, which is normal for me and baseball, but I did enjoy getting to be around the hockey-folk again. It's even nicer to get the word on the upcoming signings in advance of the announcements - I so like being in the know. Today I hauled to yet another Lia Sophia party... ugh, I am going to need a second jewelry stand.

Preseason games slated for the 12th here and 13th in Wheeling were finally announced, so at least that leaves open the Type O date in Allentown.

Little miss escape artist has a nice new crate ordered... be damned if she busts her way out of this one!

Triumph! Yes, it has come to me rejoicing in small things like managing to rig the crate to prevent Danika's escape, at least this one time. Not only that but no accident! If she corrolates the amount of praise she received I am sure we're on our way to a perfect angel - quite the departure from the dog who started to rip up the basement door yesterday *sigh*

I'll give her this, I started to contimplate Danika's intelligence further when she took a strike that even Satin didn't come up with, opening the top container of food. This is easily resolved by fastening the door as was the lower container for the past 5 or 6 years, but it does leave me wondering did Satin not think to go after the top container or was this just way too much effort by her estimation?

Now, to find my motivation - perhaps it is at the bottom of a nice cool mixed drink!

After one night moping and chatting w/ friends online (Friday), a bit of retail therapy including Christmas gifts (Slippy's most likely recommendation - Saturday afternoon), and several martinis and mint baileys (tonight) I feel much better. The truth is, it's not that person at all... it's the repeating theme, it's the fear of never finding someone I have feelings for who has feelings for me.

In the midst of things I even managed to do some laundry and make pasta salad for tomorrow's picnic. For not moving from my awakened state (10am) until 1pm I got a good bit done. Now if I could just craft a plan that would keep Danika in that crate. Good GOD she's strong and stubborn.

Why is it I am always the one who ends up crying? Why do I pick the ones that don't want me... don't feel anything for me?... decide they don't (never did) love me? Every significant male in my life has left a mental scar. Why is it not possible to just stop looking/trying/wanting to find someone?

In years past my traditional pattern took two months to complete. Looks like I've managed to up the ante. Even if it is/was someone that I knew there was 101 reasons to stay away (opinion of friends, warning signs, etc) I actually felt enough of an attraction (which is rare for me) to give it a go. I've spent several years being sucked back in and hurt by someone that I adore and that sucks, but how was this any better than that vicious, fruitless cycle? Perhaps the intangible is easier.

Home repair frustration time. I've bitched in the past about issues w/ water in my entry way. I've finally stopped the leaking from the roof (after many attempts) but the water still gets under the entry and wicks up the walls. Well guess what? The water marks in the living room aren't old. Now that we've had enough rain some spots are damp. I've pulled away some of the insulation and the wall is wet at the bottom too. How the HELL does one fix that? The overhang out back has water coming down a good couple of feet away from the house/deck so what the frell? If I bring the people back to try and re-correct the spouts will it fix it? For how long?

Anyone know a sexy (single) repair man?

I spent a good chunk of cash this morning before noon - but I guess that is to be expected when you're in the middle of a room remodel. First I hit the grocery store for some basics and to snag additional gift cards (gotta love the double-credit on the gas points, it's not like I won't use them - especially the home depot one).

From there to the Depot where I left feeling like a man. With Mr. Law's expert advice I snagged a Dewalt drill (sale - bonus), some insulation, all the boxes, plugs, and switches, the second light for the room (sale - double bonus), chalk line, and even a magnet thingie to clean up the nails in the yard from the home repairs.

Final stop was JC Penneys, where I wanted to check out a set of curtains that were on sale. They didn't have the exact style but they DID have the fabric so I was able to confirm the perfect match on both of my colors. I can't believe I'm so excited about curtains.

I guess I'll be spending even more moolah in the next week or so since Mr. Law also pushed my debate on the fireplace to gas. The added benefit is that I won't lose any space in front of the fireplace to tile. If this room turns out half as nice as it is in my head I'll be a happy camper and I can at least say I did it (with lots of help, of course).

Not only did I get the most delightful type of sleep last night - my favorite type. What a bitchin day! I took today off since the house was getting sprayed and I needed to have the dogs out for a good period of time and we headed to Altoona. On the way out I remembered the bookshelves I saw that were "coming soon" at a local discount store and made my way there to snag two for the living room. I would have been pissed if my forgetting them (which came in on the 14th) resulted in me missing out, they're just perfect for the new colors I'm looking to do in there.

Mom made my favorite, her ham potpie, and I ate way too much, go figure. It makes me feel old to admit that I do enjoy an afternoon nap, but the best nap is one taken on an afternoon off, when you know everyone else still had to go to work! I headed with my coupon to Value City and much to my surprise saw the uber-discounts going on this week. I tried on a TON of stuff and admittedly bought a few things but the dollar amount spent was spectacular... just over $50 for $260 worth of items.

Does it get better? Why yes, yes it does! The Chiefs at long last have announced a goaltender - and - a new affiliation!!! With the Colorado Avalanche. At least I already have the jersey and tee shirts to celebrate in. More? Absolutely - new Type O tour dates! Of the dates so far October 16 in Allentown (Crocodile Rock) is looking to be the best bet, but I can hope for a closer show.

If I had gotten showered earlier I would have headed off to a movie, but I guess I can settle for a DVD - if I can get to them.

Post SSS report... she did it again. Time to reinforce the crate.

Post 1000! *horns, whistles, tinsel, and confetti*

I can easily post on all three topics to bring this blog back to it's roots - a few new signings for the Chiefs, some yummy desert at 4 corners last night (or perhaps I could stretch the term cake to include the South Side's stuffed pretzels to cover tonight).

But here is the kicker... I come home today to find Ms. Danika waiting at the top of the stairs. *whaaaa??* Sure, Satin busted free from her crate several times but I never thought I'd find a dog as smart never mind strong as an ox. When Satin escaped the door swung open as though she just squeezed the levers and tada, not Danika... she brute force pulled the door IN... doesn't sound impressive, but it is. I remember watching the ex try to recreate pulling the door open with little success this 41lb soaking wet, scrawny, fuzzy-ball pulled the door in, over the two bumps and strong enough to force the latches out of the notches on the top and bottom. Gratefully she didn't destroy anything in the basement while free but I guess this makes the puppy-proofing of the basement all the more urgent of a need. She is bit extra tired now, and not even interested in her dinner - mayhap the effort wore her out and she'll behave while I'm at SSS.

To get the full effect of this post just imagine me like a small child that has thrust him/herself onto the floor having a tissy because mommy or daddy said no.

Other things to be hated about working in an office take 1032:

• The coffee pot is forever empty, even though you just made the last pot. A similar strange occurence with the ice cube trays takes place. Both of these items lend you to believe your coworkers are either incompetant or lazy, two characteristics I'd rather not have in coworkers.
  
• When you go to retrieve a print out and find the damn thing jammed. Not only is it jammed w/ someone else's print out that now leaves smears of toner all over you but there is at least 10 other items in the queue ahead of you. Are you telling me that NONE of these people came and realized the freaking printer was jammed?
  
• Being asked to follow a "convention" whatever that "convention" may be when the requestor freely admits that they've not, to date, bothered to follow the convention on previous efforts... never mind that the document specifying the convention has not been edited for over a year and still is full of markups and has not gone through the appropriate review/approval channels. So what you're saying is "your shitty opinion" = "convention".
  
• The people who can get up and walk out of the middle of a meeting because they have to [insert bullshit reason here] (example: pick up their kids, wash their hair, pick their nose) and nothing is said to them, but you're stuck in the meeting even when it runs really late (read: into lunch or past 5). I need a volunteer to knock me up so I have a "good" excuse to not perform the job they pay me for.
  
• The people who get to "work" from home but never seem to reply to an instant message or email for hours. Again, I need a volunteer.
  
• The experts who carefully assess technology and make determinations on what directions to move in while carefully filing important user feedback and insight into their deleted mail folder. These are the same people that end up wasting hours of our "personal development time" to fix problems that should have never been. Gee, thanks for keeping me challenged ass-clown.
  

Yes, I am a little frustrated with my job this week.

On a bright note: Happy 2nd Birthday Danika!

The first order of business today was to beat the heat in getting some outside work done, no such luck. I did get the hedges trimmed between the houses however and even removed some of the railroad ties that were rotting away. If I can just get the rest of the materials ripped out of the living room and hauled out front by Wednesday I can call and cough up the cash to have everything hauled away - and let me tell you how badly things are piling up. I also cranked out other odds and ends cleaning and several loads of laundry.

Amusingly I got a desire to cook today, but without free access to my kitchen that is kind of difficult. So I was happy to be awoken from my fresh-smelling sheets and Tom and Jerry DVD induced nap to go grub w/ Beff and Mum M. Do I really have to go back to that place tomorrow?

I love having pieces of my friends around my house... from the Canada postcard I got from Slips and Beff to the dark rich purple heart wine rack handcrafted by the Laws. Yesterday I made my trip home over lunch to find yet another wonderful addition to this collection.

My dearest Joe, down in NC, was featured in Kulture as a local artist - and quite the artist he is. You'll find the link to his Feral Chicken comics off to the side here on my blog, which I read every MWF. I tried my darndest while his work was on display to sneak a purchase of one of the pieces through Kulture, but alas they dropped the ball on me. I would have loved to have gotten this, unbeknownst to Joe, and taken a photo of it hanging on my wall to share w/ him as "a great piece of art I picked up". While Kulture dropped the ball, they also let Joe in on enough of the secret to suss me out... and look what arrived at my house yesterday!

Click to visit Joe's page - this image is HIS... don't steal it.

It is in a beautiful frame and will look fantastic hanging in either my soon to be remodeled living room or in my bedroom. I can't wait to get it on the wall.

Have I mentioned what bitchin friends I have? A bit of sushi provided enough energy to wreak severe havoc on my living room. The remainder of the furniture is out (now I have no kitchen), the last of the gawd-awful wood paneling is gone (!), and most of the horrid wall-carpet is down. The more ripping and tearing that occurs the more of idiots I consider the previous owners to be and trust me, they were already up there. We didn't encounter any additional ants so I am guessing they're coming up from the crawl space.

Danika and Vixen are doing very good together and even frolicked a bit in the back yard as a pair. They were a bit underfoot last evening but everyone understood it as giving them some "freedom-time".

Adjusting is the best way to describe things at this state. Danika is such a sweet girl. She walks wonderfully on leash, but if you don't have a leash and try to grab her by her collar she falls to the ground rolled over like a ball of mud. Little bugger. I screwed up yesterday and she had a bit of Vixen's food which now has her delicate tummy in a tissy. I think I need to use what is left of Vixen's food and ween her over to Iams as well to make life easier in the long run. Vixen, not to be out done, decided to add her own odor and rebel by leaving me a big turd pile last night too. Brat.

I'm not complaining though, things are going smoother already than I had hoped they would. Last night I was letting the cleaned crate dry and allowed Danika to sleep on the floor on the opposite side of the bed as Vix. I was sure to attach a leash so I would feel her move and wake up - to avoid any middle of the night squabbles. Not a peep - they both slept straight through like rocks. I even had them both out back this morning off leash without but a small grumble and even that was a playful one. Danika is just happy to follow me around, which I know is bugging Vix because she can't get near me. Perhaps we'll have to spend some special mummy and be-be time each evening, even if it's just 10-15 minutes. I have two baby girls again! Danika's howl... wow, does it sound like Satin at times.

On to other news, I'm doing well with the stick-shift and can turn my music up again and pay attention to the feel and RPMs instead w/ only a stall here and there.

Not that I hadn't already decided to dust off Ameriserv as my bank already but they gave me two more reasons this morning. I go up there w/ a check that was returned to me. This check was cut from my bill pay - they cut it - but they can't do anything with it... no, I have to go to the place the payment was made to. Are you kidding? Then I close my account and she takes my mac card and won't give it back! My new bank would have paid me cash money for that! Hiss. Adios el-banko-de-keister-pain.

The voting has ended. Many thanks to those of you that tossed in your two cents for the name of my new girl, who we went to visit and pick up this morning. Danika Nicole rode back with us nicely. Since arriving home she's explored the toy boxes, checked out her pillows, tried to play in the back yard (despite being tethered to me by leash), grubbed down her first meal, and... get this, ROLLED for Vixen! Vixen is going to be the alpha dog! I am quite proud of my Vixie as she's done wonderfully so far and is easily kept in check w/ a squirt bottle of water. Her birthday according to her paperwork - go figure - 8/14. So we'll be celebrating her second birthday in a little over a week.

As for last evening, the temps cooled down, but no where near as it has in the past for our evening in Stackhouse park. I did enjoy Othello, but I did have a hard time staying awake and focused as my mind wandered a bit. As I'm learning in my own mind, when you have a little you want a lot and when you have a lot you want a little.

I always feel better after finishing a quick cleaning pass through the downstairs, and at least I accomplished something this evening. I also returned the blinds I bought that were too big for the living room window and picked up additional storage containers to straighten more of the clothes in my closet. Other than that it's been a boring evening that has left me to my ponderings.

Tomorrow is our annual run on Shakespeare in the Park - I'll have a report after we see Othello.

Woohoo!

Look left, look right... fire death ray... but before you move your head from the right, vote in my poll. Yes, Vix and I are going to meet Rosetta this weekend. If the meeting goes well we will need a new name ready to go so help me decide!

So I did a bit of research last night after my previous post and I've come to find that joint aches during withdrawl of the headache meds I stopped earlier last week are a known potential side-effect (6-8 weeks). Upon learning this I figured that coupled with the general stuffy head I was feeling since quiting meant I should pick it back up and I was out of bed popping a pill at 1am.

It's been quite the busy weekend in which I've put a few miles on the road. Gratefully I rested a bit on Friday evening, because it was up and adam on Saturday to head to Greensburg where I took a bit of an insane plunge and bought a car. Not so insane by normal standards, however, if you don't know how to drive a standard you've got to admit it takes balls to buy one. So, out with Dorian Gray, the Stratus, and in with Drake, my new Hyundai Tiburon. That said, don't pull up on the ass end of any little red cars in the Jtown area for a while and if you chose to point and laugh when I stall it out trying to get into first make sure I don't see you.



What better to do with a new car than go out and show it off at the drive in? Granted it's been forever since the Simpsons were something I'd consider going to see in a movie, but there I was. I did have a few laughs out of it, so I can't knock the flick.

Today, back up and out on the road, this time in the opposite direction, towards State College, where I went to meet this lovely lady...



She is a sweet gal with a bit of an air about her that says she'd been taking over an alpha slot, so an application has been completed, and we (Vix and I) will head out to see if a good meeting can take place at a later date. Do I need another dog, no, but I've been looking, it just feels like the right time somehow. If it works it works, that's the best way I can look at it.

Needless to say, I didn't do much else in the living room this weekend, but even if I wasn't running I think I would have been dead in the water. My knees are absolutely killing me today. Honestly, quite a few of my joints are screaming, but the knees are definitely distracting me from all other aches. Not sure what gives, but the icey hot is cooling things down for this evening, hopefully it will pass quickly.

I spotted yet another skunk out across the neighboring lawn this evening, so it's clear we'll have another incident if I'm not more attentive when leaving the fuzzy one out in the evening. There just has to be something that will work long term to keep the little buggers away from my fenceline and yard. I'd rather not spring for skunk-away type products as I'm sure they'd wash away quickly, requiring reapplication... but desperate times might call for such desperate measures.

Oh... and Joe, as I was reminded quite recently... this is so true.

What the FRELL was that? So Vix is outside going insane last night, but it wasn't the "hey I want to bite that" bark it was the "oh crap what the?" bark. So, quicker than the speed of lightning I'm out of the bedroom throwing on the robe and heading out the back door. From my deck I could SWEAR I heard a growl which was a bit of a shocker to me. Vixen is midway down the yard looking out the far side barking barking barking. So I head down through the yard to meet her and she doesn't budge (another sign she's scared and would rather have me next to her than be off investigating something to bite). While I'm there holding her collar I saw a large portion of the apple tree shimmy. OK, that was enough for me - we're going to the house. The truly odd thing was she kept wanting to bark for another good 5 minutes. So I ask you, what the FRELL was in that tree?

For the record, I'm quite glad it was something else knocking on the door at 12:30.

When looking at a home one must ask themselves where the best place is to put the bodies. Apparently, it's between the bathroom and living room wall... ok, it's not what you think. Remember me commenting last winter that I heard scurrying in the wall? Well, they didn't scurry out. When I peeled back that piece of paneling ugh the smell. I've removed the little fuzzy family's remains but the smell still lingers.

Tonight I cleared out all of the drop panel track, the other ceiling above it, and one full wall of nasty paneling. As a side effect, folks using my bathroom now have a nice view of the living room. I'm sure that will scare the crap out of me in the middle of the night when I get up to use the bathroom. My body is officially tired after this evening's efforts. Awful carpet and more paneling to go and I'll be ready to solicit an inspection of some of the base materials from a knowledgable friend (that means it's time for all of you to go into hiding).

Just when I thought I was figuring something out... getting somewhere... turning things around... back in the same place once again. It's too easy to give into a concept and be a bit too naive.

It was so nice to pry away the first piece of that awful fake wood last night. Maybe I could wall myself up behind it and hide for a while.

Cursed short lived weekend. Granted I slept through approximately 50% of it, but it should still be kind enough to last longer. I didn't get work done in the living room Saturday as planned but got in gear on Sunday. The drop ceiling tiles are now gone and I've investigated the level of difficulty involved in loosening carpet, the carpet on the one wall, and the wood paneling. The carpet on the one wall is a bit of a treat, but I'll get my money's worth out of the new pry-bar.

Now if I could just find some of my equipment, like my plug tester. I swear I leave stuff behind with a million and one people and never get it back. Sure I can just plug in a light etc, but that's not the point. I also worry that disconnecting the power for the ceiling light is also going to turn out my TV - how will I keep working without the noise?

Last evening I hung out with a few of the boys at Talunes SSS. The headache and general odd feeling kept me from even finishing my second however. I don't know if I was fighting something off yesterday, but I was more tired all day than I remember being when I first started back at a full time job. Since a Tylenol wiped out the headache I can at least say it wasn't the starts of a migraine and I feel better after a good night's sleep.

So here it is, a day loathed almost as much as Valentine's day. What's on the agenda? Blissfully - NOTHING. Well, okay, not nothing, I'm feeding geckos and playing with Puss-puss. I made the mistake of stopping to look at a puppy last night. I think I've 99% talked myself back out of that bad idea, but dang she was a cutie and so calm.

While my morning stunk... my evening managed to beat it. Damn you Beauregard and your putrid stench. I think Satin was smart enough to know better, and even nice enough to warn Vixen... twice since she's been gone. Ugh. If anyone has REAL ways to keep skunks away from the property, drop me a comment.

On a bright note, I really got an idea of how many places/roads/areas in Johnstown I know.

Headed off to the doc's office this morning and all was looking extra promising - in addition to Dr. Hottie there was a pretty smokin drug rep that came in while I was waiting. Not to allow my morning to go too well I got some bad news - Dr. Hottie is leaving the practice! Ugh.

Another day that should have been focused on making progress wasted sleeping sleeping sleeping. What is my deal lately? The least I could do in my slacking is start reading from the back-up of books I have awaiting my page turning or perhaps a bit of exercise to avoid gaining even more weight. My day at the family reunion wasn't that stressful or busy or anything. I am glad I headed back from Toona, albeit it late, last night.

I was also somewhat surprised to see that there really was a marriage license applied for. Congrats E. I guess it just seems quick, odd, ... not really sure what other words to put to it. The frequent dreams about another from the past continue - in each we remain still living in the same household but he is usually halfway out the door. What purpose do all of these have?

On the hockey front, which I've remained remarkably quiet about, three are set to return: Roche, Demo, and Rowe. The mess with the front office leaves me a bit somber. I know this year will happen, but beyond that I think our future is more rocky than it has ever been (and if any team knows about living year to year it's the Chiefs).

The Durango is inspected, so one trip to the dealership down and one to go. On the way back up the hill I took a pitstop at Gitler's and bought not only another beta, that I think will go by Viktor, but I also had my heart stolen by a cute little gray and white mousie who will go by Ladybug, at least unless we notice some - uh - bumps protruding as she gets older. Ladybug seems to like being held and is content to fall asleep in my hand. She is also a twitterer, so I have someone new to talk to - if I can only keep Vixen's interest in her down.

I was smart enough to make no bakes to take to the family reunion last night so my evening is free. I also got to kiss up to my coworkers a bit with part of the batch. I should go rip down ceiling, but I think I'll curl up to a dvd and fall asleep early tonight, if possible.