Sorry "72" - you know I don't censor on here... and I need this forum to get things out and help resolve my thoughts and emotions - so consider this your warning to not read forward if you "don't wanna know".

I guess if we're using numbers another might best be served and represented by male option code name "87". You can tell where his affiliations lie... but I won't hold that against him. I do hold my paranoia tightly with this one and I'm not 100% sure why. Perhaps it is the potential for a more grave wound or for forced presence and ongoing need for communication beyond any relationship.

It's strange how many things "72" and "87" hold in common but are so very distinctly different. I guess that blows any theories about my "type" out of the water. I've already covered the very :different: things between myself and "72" and the personality differences as well as regional challenges that would make things a challenge, but yet I remain curious and know that the affection is genuine, it's comforting, it's something I want. Then I look at "87" and start making correlations - right down to damn near punting the glass across the living room. I also look at pasts that tie in to family and how accepted someone might be (uncles and their hunting camp or my sister and her husband's past affiliations). We're miles from that, but I can't help but think about those things - it makes sense to consider if there is an unavoidable brick wall in the certain future. There the affection seems genuine but I don't know how to take it.

I guess I go stereotypical female in general with any and all. No, I don't expect to talk every day but paranoia does give you a quick twinge when you don't get a message or a quick call. I guess it's all part of the dance. Why is it every human claims to loathe the "game" that goes along with dating, but the second you fail to play the game you lose? Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Further, is it wrong to still harbor some desire that... how should I number this one to make it a little less obvious... "9" could be male option code name "9"? I waffle between thinking it is a possibility and then realizing not only is it highly unlikely for numerous reasons but my mind has already ruined that situation by building up expectations no human being could ever achieve. He's still good to look at.