I'm late on this post, forgive me - so I'm backdating it.

I keep seeing the facebook posts joking about how this time last year people claimed 2015 sucked, but that 2016 was _going to be their year_.  I didn't go that far, but I did point out how un-fun 2015 was and welcomed 2016.  I guess this year could have been a lot worse, but I think the word I would use is stagnant.  As I re-read my post from 2015 I can't help but think "yeah, that's still applicable", "that too", "yup."

My weight is an issue again I need to fight before I'm at the deep end.  The company continues to dwindle downward but I continue to cling on.

While most of the year feels unremarkable, there were some high points:
As always there was more travels. Maybe this warrants being in the stagnation bucket, but too bad, I love it too much to see it as anything less than a constant blessing.
- First there was the trip to Texas to attend my nephew's wedding!  How crazy is that?  Then my sister, her friend Rhonda, and I headed out on Liberty of the seas.
- Then my sweetie and I got onboard Adventure of the seas in May.
- I promised to return to Texas again to head to Lubbock and see my niece's apartment and school - which I did in September.
- In October my sweetie and I took a day in the local start parks to take in the autumn leaves.
- I found a last minute good deal, so my sweetie and I were back out again there in December on Harmony of the seas.

I got to see several people I care very much for get married this year, including Beff - who allowed me to be her maid of honor.

I succeeded in some of the things I set out to do at the end of last year, like purging more.  There was a definite push for this as I trimmed things down and packed items up to declutter.  Clearly, the courage to make the leap became real!

What I can say for sure is things are a-changin here in the last few weeks of 2016, without doubt!  I thought I was going to be able to say that within a year of returning from my Texas trip last February into March and deciding to get the house on the market I would have gotten it sold.  I guess there is still time for that although it appears unlikely at this point.  Either way, this whole process has definitely brought some drama and stress into my life and it isn't over yet.

My desires for 2017:
Obviously, I want that buyer for my house that actually closes!  The start of 2017 is going to feel awfully busy and will be full of new things for me (new houses, doctors, vets, neighbors, church, daily life).  I just want to take my time on some things and not stress too much as I find my way in getting settled.  But at the same time I need to start working out again, maybe a new home will help me start out with some new healthier habits.

Also related to new habits is trying to force myself to not be my backwards with strangers self - as in, I want to SPEAK to my new neighbors, start off on the right foot there too.

It will be nice to not be away from my girls for Christmas next year.  I never wanted to put them in the kennel and go away at the holidays because it seemed so sad, but here I have done it for three years.  I admit - I'm glad this will be minimized.

Since I will be living somewhere new, and much closer to activities I have not done because of the distance to the burgh, I'd also like to get out and do stuff.  Maybe a concert, maybe hitting Kennywood again, whatever - but I do want to focus on finding new things too, like checking out new eateries and whatnot.  But all of that will need to wait until I am out from under the bills of a second house.

I have little more to say other than my current home is back on the market.  Nothing was an issue on the inspection and we didn't even get the appraisal back - no worries there, it is, to my understanding something big and personal came up for my buyer.

There aren't words right now.  I didn't make my new purchase contingent because, well I thought we were good to go after the inspection was golden (that's what I waited for to move out on my own purchase).  One could bail (and not loose deposits) if something comes back on the inspection.  That is NOT my strategy, but heaven knows things could come back that are beyond what I'd expect.  Speaking of - that inspection is currently slated for Tuesday.

This does effect my new mortgage information, so I need to get in contact with them.  It also means that while I pack I need to somehow get the house in order to show again.  I originally was planning on pulling the house for January and February - but I don't feel like that's wise now that I'm looking down the barrel of three gas bills, three electric bills, and two water bills.

I don't understand your plan God.  Please help me.

I was able to have lunch with Mithy today!  I also had a massage today after work, so I lost some evening time (worth it!)  But I did still swing in to fill up the gas tank (before they jack our already incredibly high gas taxes even higher January 1) and to the liquor store to get some empty wine bottle boxes.  When I got home I did put those boxes to use, so the remainder of my wine is boxed!  I even took down and cleaned up my Law-original wine racks to remove fur and dust, so they are tied off and ready to move.

I'm sitting down right now.  Maybe I shouldn't be, but after the massage I'm just happy I got _something_ else accomplished tonight.  I do have a long weekend ahead of me, so I should be able to get some other things in order - and the donations out the door before Jan 1.

I slept pretty well last night, but I think I need one more good night's sleep to feel back in order.  It might be a semi-early night.

That second option has become my number one girl. We sent out the offer earlier today and received a slight shift counter offer this evening, which I have accepted.  Sure there are still inspections and appraisals and all of those goodies to be done but what an incredible relief.  Yes, there is a whole other world of things to worry about now, but at least it isn't looking like I'll be homeless or settling for something I don't like.  This one too I shall make my own.

I bagged up two garbage bags of mostly clothes to make an end of year/get ready to pack up donation this evening.  Always such a therapeutic effort.

Today at noon-time the appraiser was here for our final step in getting this place sold too.  *deep breath*

If you're not ready to actually sell your house - get it the hell off of the market and don't waste 5 days of someone's time in negotiations.  Thanks.

I hate that right now I still need to reiterate that I still have a viable second option.  We've had some back and forth and I really thought we were there, but we've got a bit of a hitch right now that might be insurmountable.  I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I'm anxious.  My sleep hasn't exactly been great this weekend either being away from home.

We had a nice Christmas, but they're busy with three different get togethers.  The one thing many people don't probably get, but when you live alone you get quite a few more opportunities for peace.  When visiting family I guess I always feel like I have to not fall asleep for that nap I really want, not go and take personal time, and to try and move/live at the pace of those gracious enough to allow me to stay with them, which can be tiring too.

I'm home with my puppies, this brings me some comfort.  I'm already figuring Saffy will be allowed in the bed tonight.  I need to rest and cuddling with her definitely helps.  (I didn't say sleep because I have gotten some sleep but it is full of memorable dreams after a long period is taken to fall asleep.)

I finished up my work week super early on Thursday and got myself on the road to look at another house. After all, with Christmas weekend I can't imagine a lot of realtors or home owners would want to schedule things during the weekend proper.  The house I came to see was a new build that is just finishing up.  Of course, when I got there they told me that the boss doesn't want them to sell it yet as it is a new design and they want to be able to show it off.  Ok.  It worked out well because while it was very nice it was lacking in some areas that I had higher hopes for.  He showed me another that has been on the market (brand new) for a little while.  I had only glanced because of a few features that kicked it off of my priority list.  Ultimately, it was a super nice place at the top of my willing budget and with a few things still on that list of things I don't like - but the biggest nail was that it was simply too big and I could hear my mother asking if I was going to clean it.

On my way here my prayer was that I'd know one way or the other (be completely enamored with what I came to see or even more sure of the one I already had at the top of my list).  I did need to stop at the this place and measure to make sure there wasn't a deal breaker with the size of the back yard.  One must have enough fence-able space to please the beasts you know.  I feel like since I toured this home the backyard got smaller and smaller in my mind.  Fortunately, the tape measure eased my concerns and I think we're good to go to put in a deck and get a fence up.

That said - my realtor and I started the back and forth on the house.  Recall there was two right at the same 'ranking' on my spreadsheet - so I still have a super viable second option if things don't pull through here.  Rest assured - you will know when I do!

I got some of the cleaning done I wanted to complete tonight, but more importantly - I was able to have dinner with Lor-Lor!

Such good stuff going down this week, but it's still stressful in a good way - so much so I have a zit up in my hair on the back of my head and one on my neck!  I swear these past six months I've been going through puberty again.

2 boxes of books packed last night.  3 boxes of a variety of things packed tonight.  I also got a bag of stuff I don't need to keep/move to the trash for tomorrow.  Aside from losing a few days for holiday visiting, if I keep at this pace I should be golden.  I really did box up a lot of stuff when I was decluttering, so a large portion of the items out either do not need boxes (furniture) or they need to be more last minute (remaining kitchen items and clothing).

I do need to carefully assess tee shirts and shorts for the donation pile.  That is a more urgent to do as I'd like to get that stuff to St Vincent de Paul before the end of the month.  There are also the variety of items that the movers are likely not going to take (alcohol/wine, plants, super precious/delicate items) that I need to take in that direction... and finally the remaining items that are over at my Favorite Egg's old place that need to be here before I bring someone in to give me a moving guestimate.  I hope that stuff is okay.  I did throw out a few more things that I brought back from there that got gross.

oh em geeeeee!  Next step complete!  We still need to do an appraisal, but it would be nothing short of insanity for the house to not appraise at the offered price or higher.  I officially feel comfortable starting to pack and making an offer on a new place.

Now the question is which place?  I have the two options that are very viable right now.  If I plug them into my weighted spreadsheet things come out pretty tight score wise.

Late last week I had emailed the builder for the one home because I know they sometimes have things in progress that aren't on their website.  Bingo.  They have a new layout being built that already has carpet down, so it should be ready in January!  I cannot find pictures or floor plans anywhere, it's driving me crazy.  So, I will go see the place in progress as well as try to get measurements on the backyard of one of the existing options.  My plan is to make my decision and get an offer to the selected place before Christmas.  Fingers crossed that the new build doesn't have a white kitchen. *blech*

What can I do that is productive without getting too far ahead of myself?  Going through clothes, sorting items to donate or throw out!  This way I can get one more donation in before the end of 2016 and I will thin some stuff out a bit before I need to pack it all.  At least I feel productive.

The sleet they promised came, so until it warms up enough to be all rain I am not leaving the house - but I'd like to get a grocery run in this weekend.  Yes, yes, I need to use up things in the freezer and cabinets, but one cannot live without some fresh fruit/veggies etc.  I discovered too the good news of needing to said freezer/cabinet cleaning:  I have several packs of bacon in the freezer, so yay for being _forced_ to make bacon more regularly.

My anxieties are nipping at my heels today.  I haven't gotten any word on the inspection yet.  As I've said before, I know no home is perfect, not even a brand new one, much less one from the 50's.  I've fixed so many things and I think all is healthy, but I'm not an expert in any of these things, so who knows what may be uncovered that I wasn't aware of.  Is that being pessimistic?  I'm sure some people would accuse me of such but again I tell you I am trying to temper my expectations and avoid any major disappointments that would come if I pretended nothing could go wrong.

I keep waffling between wanting to wait until I know 100% things are a go and wanting to start get a jump on things.  Even the act of taking off the nicer comforter and cramming it into the storage bag felt like jumping the gun to me.

The mortgage rates are slowly ticking upward with promises of moving even higher, so I reached out to a lender.  I may not have picked just yet or made an offer, but maybe I can lock in (since 45 days would be pretty close to when I'd need to bail).  I figure maybe doing one or two things like this will help settle my mind a bit.  The good news is they do something called a recast which may help me avoid doing a short home equity loan to ensure I have enough liquid funds for down payment/closing/moving/misc expenses while I'd wait for this place to close and cash out.

Hormones.  So, tonight was Santa out and about in Richland w/ his escorts from the fire company.  They actually turned and came down my street - which they don't normally do!  I got outside in time to wave and call to Santa like a dork.  But when I got back inside and I watched them head down the side street I started to cry -- because I won't be here next year.

I have issues.

I stayed at home this morning with my sweet sweet girls as I expected to need to take them and sit in the car for a couple of hours while the home inspection took place.  Since the perspective buyer did not attend the inspector encouraged me to sit tight, so instead we stayed warm and I was able to get a little work time in from my dining room table.

Either way, that step is done.  Now we wait for things to get back to the buyer and circle back through to my agent.

When I woke up this morning around 5am and laid in bed trying to get back to a proper sleep, the fact that I need to hustle on finding a place really settled into my brain.  I so wish that townhouse I was tricked into looking at came in a regular old single-family home - my search would have been long done.  Heck, I guess the same could be said if I were more comfortable upping the budget too - but that's not happening.

I have to keep telling myself nothing is going to be perfect, but it sure would be nice if the demerits were 1 or 2.

I've only been gone a week, but it felt like a month-long escape, and enough happened to reinforce that feeling.  I headed to my Favorite Eggs so we could fly out from the burgh to Fort Lauderdale.  About two months ago I spotted a dang good rate on Harmony of the Seas.  It's _the_ largest and newest RC ship right now and it just arrived in FLL a few weeks ago.  Combine that with crazy amazing flight prices and he was down.

We caught up with her on Saturday, December 3.  She is sister to Allure and Oasis, so many of the same things apply (such as the Central Park view balcony room we had and some entertainment venues).  I was a little disappointed with our table for dinner.  We had one couple show the first night, another couple show two of the nights, and a solo traveling gentleman three of the nights.  All said we had two evenings at the huge table solo.  We did go to Wonderland for dinner one night which I love on all fronts.

They're presenting doing some extra perks for the neighborhood balconies, so we also had a free premium lunch coming to us - so we tried Sabor.  I'm pretty picky about Mexican food.  I'll eat salsa/nachos, fajitas, and I finally stretched recently to try a few other things at the local place - so this was an adventure for me - but it was pretty freaking good.

Labadee (Private Island):  Compared to our last visit we slummed it a little.  No cabana this visit.  We walked to the Dragon's hole and then did find a nice spot on the beach for part of our day to relax.

Falmouth Jamaica:  This port was tough for me.  My first and last visit there left a bad taste in my mouth thanks to super pushy sales people that had me beyond the point of uncomfortable.  I had booked a tour with Peat Taylor at the recommendation of the Wild One.  Our first stop was at the Blue Hole - a series of falls we climbed and jumped from platforms at.  This was way more adventurous than I was expecting, but a blast.  From there we were off to the White River for some tubing which was also very nice - we were the only two people to do that portion of the tour.

Cozumel Mexico:  My last visit introduced me to Mr Sancho's all inclusive.  This visit I went for the similar Nachi Cocum, which allows fewer people each day and is just down the same stretch of beach.  It was nice enough.  The food and drinks were good.  We had a good day - until they seemed to rush us out earlier (an hour) than they were supposed to close.

The best part about Mexico was having the free wifi, so I could get the emails saying I had an offer on the house!  There is going to be so much to do and get in order as a result.  This _is_ a good problem to have, but I'm a bit anxious right now.  I'll be starting crazy lists to ease my brain a bit.

I had already planned to see a couple of places when I returned to the burgh (which was cold as all get out for the record).  We got in pretty late on Saturday and weren't into bed until 2:30, but I was still moving to see the first one at 11ish today.  4 in total, one I had been to before but wanted to see again as a viable option.  Another in the same community as the house I was lusting for recently.  One that I just spotted and thought wasn't in as bad of shape as it was.  ...and finally, one I've been eyeballing for a while.  This one looks pretty good, I just have to figure out how comfortable I am being a bit up on the crest of the hill in the community and the smaller yard.  I'm not in panic mode (yet).  Of course, we need to get through inspections and the like here first too.

So, I'm home now and 95% unpacked.  I have two very tired dogs, one of which has fallen asleep half on my leg making this rather difficult to type.  The only down side is I am a bit behind on The Walking Dead, but I'm watching regardless.

When you're gone over the Thanksgiving long weekend and it is dark by the time you get home from work -- you end up trying to scoop dog poop with a flashlight.  I managed to find a decent amount, I'm kind of surprised.  I'm sure I missed my share too, but I deserve an A for effort.  I also pulled out the nasturtium that held in until the snow came.

I cheated on the last gift purchase for afar so I could get things in the mail ASAP.  I still need to make some purchases for local gift giving.  I'm getting desperate for ideas.

The tire pressure sensor finally turned off as I headed out of town on Wednesday.  I guess it did just need some time and distance with an acceptable reading.  That was a blessing and relief.  It was one less thing on my mind while I enjoyed the long holiday weekend with my Favorite Egg at two different family get togethers.

There are, of course, many stressful things going on in the lives of people I love once again in time for the holiday season.  It blows my mind how it seems to be such a difficult time frame for so many.  There are job worries/drama and trips to the ICU for a long time ailing elderly relative of a relative to name a few.  I'm allowing it all to remind me of the many things I have to be so very thankful for.  Not that life is easy, but life is just that - full of twists, turns, and challenges.

I'm still waiting for feedback on showings - both the second showing this past Saturday and a showing the Saturday before.  I have the good news of another showing tomorrow.  Time of year definitely doesn't seem to play as big of a roll in house hunting in this area as I expected it would.

I've allowed the house I liked going pending to make me focus on the things that I wouldn't have adored about that house.  I always said that renting a few places was good before owning a home, so you'd learn things that seem obvious - like how bad it sucks to have crappy windows etc.  I have no reason to not keep paying attention as it may help me get an even more perfect place for me.

I had a rather unusual dream this morning.  Most would label it a scary dream, but I wasn't freaking out in the dream and I didn't wake scared either.  Yay for all of that desensitizing I suppose.  I haven't really watched anything "scary" lately either (other than Walking Dead - but I even cringe at labelling that "scary", because it's not).

Anyhow, I was in an apartment of some sort - two entrances, the main one and like a back hall that fed out to landing areas with stairs, this hall felt more industrial than an apartment building.  The fire alarms went off, so I and two other people there in the room with me scrambled to find our IDs, which looked more like a cruise ID card.  We couldn't find the one person's so I said - let's just go.  We opened the door to the back hall and there were people hanging from nooses - one just outside the door and a few more there beyond her in the way of the stairwells.  I quickly closed the door and said to lock it and we headed to the other door to head down an almost spirally staircase that way.  We got to the main floor and everyone was there acting like they too had spotted the same issues on their way out.  Then the alarm went off.

Where did _that_ come from?

I predicted tears when one of the places I really liked went to pending, and I have them.  It isn't even so much that the house sold - as there are three others that I feel could be solid contenders -- if only I could get my house sold.  Of course, I'm sitting here looking at timesheets with limited hours due to some hiccups in the system and feeling that panic too to compound it all - so yes, it brought tears.

I knew before I even got here I should have turned around and went back to bed.  First, thanks to the cold weather the tire sensors went off.  Yeah, my fault, I should have added more air before the weather turned.  So out into the cold and wind to add air.  My hair was a knotted mess by the time I was done.  But even that didn't turn off the sensor light - I'm hoping it will be off when I restart the car here again in a few minutes for lunch.  When I got to work (later than intended) the printers were jammed and not cooperating, which I needed to use to print papers that were out for our sign in logs, and the paper towel dispenser was also empty so I couldn't dry my hands after washing the toner mess from dicking with the printer off.  Yes.  I wanted to throw myself on the ground like a 3 year old.  Please no more adulting this week.

Yesterday that plugged up something was in the apartment furnace.  Imagine my surprise this morning when things didn't seem to be coming up to temp very fast on my side and then I realized it wasn't always kicking the blower on as expected.  (sigh)  Fortunately, the HVAC guy was very responsive.  Something plugged up the condensation tubing (I'd guess something 'shaken loose' from the cleaning yesterday).  I'm back up and kicking once again.  Ok, go on house - what are you going to throw for the trifecta?

I'd say at this point we have about a half an inch of snow based on the railing on the deck, but it's been pretty windy so that might be less than what we really got.  There was only a dusting this morning, but it seems to be a pretty steady fall right now.

No word yet on yesterday's showing.  Much like buying a lottery ticket I allow myself to live in that fantasy for a few minutes I am dreaming today of having a moment with two families concurrently interested in the house.  Who says you need to stop pretending if you're not a little kid?

Last evening and this morning I put things in order, once again, for a showing.  I'm pleasantly surprised that the pace of showings has been steady.  I guess I expected it to slow down after school started or now, as we're starting to think holidays, but that hasn't happened.

The HVAC guy was here today while the showing took place, so they know I do tend to my house at least. He was able to clean things up and unplug something that was clogged up - so we're good to go again on the apartment side.  He also cleaned and checked my side.  I was expecting a painful cost but even on that I am pleasantly surprised.

Since the house was clean - what to do what to do?  I pulled out the ceramic Christmas tree and a few minor decorations and then brought the supplies downstairs to start wrapping the gifts I have.  I have shopping I need to get done so I can finish all of the wrapping.  After a quick run out to see if I could find any other good gift options, I decided to also get a start on my Christmas cards as well.

This morning the weather was still so nice (like yesterday) that I almost didn't want to believe what they said was coming.  Before noon the wind picked up and the darker clouds rolled in.  By the time we were in the car waiting for the showing the sleet had started.  That dissipated, but I see now a very light dusting of white across the deck as I put the dogs out for their last trip.  They were saying 6-10, then 3-5, now an inch... so you tell me.  My weather channel needs to be "get out of bed, walk to back door, see how much we got" - so I can stop panicking over the fear-mongering weather reports.

Dear this week,

If you could stop being a complete a**hole, that would be great.

-me

I've been on the waiting list for about a month now to get the furnaces inspected before winter.  To this point, no big deal because it hasn't really been winter, but it is a-comin.  AT lunch when I put the dogs out I stood in the garage waiting for the furnace for the apartment to kick over to blowing.  It never happened.  So, I went upstairs and turned up the temp a few degrees, I figured maybe it was just taking a while to warm up.  Much to my dismay it didn't budge while I was at work all afternoon.  I've now put another call in to the HVAC guy.  Good times.

Of course, there is a home warranty that I could, in theory, use - but guess if I do take the house off of the market for a few months I don't know how that would work, so I guess I'm just going to suck it up.  I do wish I knew something about these sorts of things so I'd stand a chance of trying to get it running on my own.  But alas, I am helpless when it comes to such matters.  I guess it is good that God gifted me that I can afford to bring someone in - if they are ever available to do so.

The recent uptick in spam telephone calls has me wanting to flip.  8 in the past week, 4 of them one day and 2 so far today.  STOOOOOP!  Does anyone seriously sell a life alert by annoying the f out of people?  And the dbags who are taking advantage of naive folks and stealing their money... you deserve a serious junk punt.

Not negative feedback this weekend, but I am left with lots of uncertainty and my mind - how she works - has me thinking about 100 different scenarios.  Since there was two showings an hour apart from one another we had an extra long time away from the house.  I was so grateful to have my Favorite Egg here to help out.  It allowed us the option to go into Petco and wander around a little bit.  Sure I _could_ do it by myself, but two dogs pulling on my arm if someone else doesn't keep their dog reasonably controlled is not a fun experience.

Iggle did not as I previously reported, have rotisserie turkey breast on Friday, but I did get a chicken.  We grubbed chicken, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn casserole, and fresh made cranberry sauce.  Saturday, long after the showing, we headed to the Orchard for wing night w/ a few folks.  Sunday I cooked again, tossing a pork roast into the slow cooker with kraut and a side of mashed potatoes.  Today, here I am cooking again - mmm meatloaf!  I'm going to need to start working out again really soon, for obvious reasons.

The sun was out earlier, but it looks a bit overcast at the moment.  I am glad I got out there in time to enjoy the sun as it was still pretty cold in the sun.  Regardless, the poop is scooped and more leaves are mulched up.  The dining, kitchen, and bathroom floors are all scrubbed (hands and knees) too.

I heard that Giant Eagle is now doing rotisserie turkey breasts too.  I'm hoping this is true and the have some this evening.  If they're half as good as the chickens it's going to be a good night.  I'm going to do a Thanksgiving tease dinner.  Of course the girls won't be happy when I run out to hunt and gather.

I got my mystery case of wine from Last Bottle Wines today too.  (You get a $10 credit if you sign up to see their daily offers - click that link!)  Seems like a nice mix to what I got.  $120 for a case (12 bottles) which included 2 that were $30 items and 4 that were $18+ bottles - good deal!

Looooong weekend!  I had a showing today that went super long. I'm hoping that's a good sign, but - you know - trying to not get too excited.  I have another showing that's been scheduled for a while now on Saturday (folks from out of town I think).  While I will be doing more cleaning, I think the rest of the weekend is going to be about getting a bit of R&R.

I can't believe I was half in and out of sleep last night until after 3am watching returns for the election.  I'm so glad it's over - but I'm even happier with and surprised by the results.

Don't get me wrong, Trump was not my first choice, but Killary was my absolute last choice.  Hate is a word I shouldn't use, so I'll say I struggle to find redeeming qualities.

Pennsylvania - I'm proud of you!  That was a real nail biter.  Proof that us backwoods hick deplorables can carry both our guns and our bibles to the polls en masse and override Filthadelphia.  North Carolina - I was watching you too.  So many friends there were all about the gal on FB, so this state also surprised me.

My candidate lost.  Am I sorry I voted third party?  No.  It was a difficult thing to come to, especially as I saw how tight things were in PA, but ultimately - even there I was not picking someone I agreed 100% with.  I can however get behind the thought that Government needs to back their noses out of everything, so I was rocking the porcupine rather than the donkey or elephant.

As deplorable as I am (while still not being racist, homophobic, xenophobic, or sexist), I still feel a little sad for her.  Unlike the hockey player who looses in the Stanley cup finals and can return again next year to give it another run - I would have to think 4 years away is daunting and even more heartbreaking.

I remain scared for our country.  The only thing I can hold on to is my prayer that the Lord's will be done, that he would change hearts here in the US back to him, that regardless of who is our President that he would be our King once again.

There are moments through my adult years where I get impressed when I look back.  These are the times when I busted butt, pushed through, and got so much done and I can't - when looking back - understand how I did it.  One stretch of time on that list is when I worked on my masters degree, while working full time, teaching online part time - all while still being a season ticket holder for hockey!  How the heck did I do all of that at once?

I'm starting to look back at my hard work earlier this year to completely clean the house top to bottom and ready things for sale as one of these stretches of time (albeit not as long of a period as was my masters degree, it was still a great deal more physically strenuous).  While it's good  I see it that way, it is also depressing because I haven't seen the fruit of that labor just yet.  I was pondering all of this while I was outside working today simply because "it needed done".  I realized I need to give myself some credit.  Yes, I've outsourced most of the mowing and the snow plowing for years, but damnit I deserve it - I do alot for myself around here.

I finally got out of bed this morning when Saffy finally roused to go potty.  That was around 9am.  I cheated a little when it comes to daylight savings time and I changed my personal clocks first thing this morning.  Now I not only feel like I got up shortly after 8, but I also felt like I had a much longer day to accomplish things, which is probably what got me thinking about what I am capable of when things simply need done.

Today I ran to Big Lots and Ollies, and then went to the Richland Cemetery where I got through 2 whole sections taking more photos!  The weather was barely in the 50's but it felt great and the sun was out which helped me along.  Getting back to the house I got in gear and made a large batch of ham and potato soup, which turned out amazing.  My feet were already aching at that point, but I forced myself back outside to leaf blow and mulch up more of the fallen offenders.  This needed done to keep things in ship-shape for showings.

My feet are barking right now - so I'm having a hard time convincing myself to get on top of the next task -- NO BAKES! I want to make a regular batch and a pumpkin batch.  If I get them done tonight I'll have them to fill empty containers to return to friends tomorrow and the rest will go to work on Monday to get hauled back to the AJ office.

I'm always planning the next vacation, so it goes without saying that I need to get some activities booked for days in port.  I am happy to say we settled on what to do in the two main stops for our next trip and one is booked.  I've also been ordering Christmas presents this past week, so I feel like I'm making good progress on things that could keep me up at night.

The weather has been amazing this week. It's pretty hard to return to work after my lunchtime swing home when the car is reading in the 70s in November.  I know it won't last long.  Oh - the tomato plants I started from seed/fruit of last year's plants (and brought inside a week or so ago) finally offered me my very first red fruit!  I'm pretty excited, because the one that grew is definitely a sweet 100.  Not sure on the other plant just yet, we'll see if/when fruit starts to form how large it gets.

I went to my Favorite Egg's this weekend where we tried out a couple of new places for grubbing.  The President's Pub was pretty decent - tomato bacon jam on the burger, need I say more? Also the Springhouse's home cooked grub was pretty good.  I don't think trying the thai place that I spotted out that way is his speed, so I'll try that on my own someday when I'm there.

I pondered going to two open houses, one that needed some updates that made the current price a bit too high and another that seemed right up my alley but is likely too far out for my long term commuting desires, but decided against it.  It just felt like a waste of time.

Coming home today was hard.  Not just because it decided to rain pretty hard most of the way and throw some fog my way come Somerset county, but because this is most assuredly the last time the weather won't be snow/ice or danger of such.  I was really wishing my trip home was a mere 20 minutes from his place.  I so thought I would have been out that way by now.

While I was gone an open house took place here.  I did my cleaning before leaving on Friday.  I wish I could just leave it in a bubble and not need to reclean every couple of days.  I wanted to do a little bit of cleaning at his place, but just couldn't muster it up.  I think I'm all cleaned out as far as willing actions go.  We did get some growth cleaned up around the house though since the weather was so nice on Saturday.

The folks who have the cubes with windows (which is very rare here - there are 5 of them) are NEVER in the freaking office.  Not cool, not fair.

At my desk:  Slippers.  Jeans.  Flannel shirt.  Fleece jacket.  Fuzzy gloves w/ fingers cut out.  Blanket.  Still cold.  If you can still afford bottled water for the executives... turn on the frelling heat.

I'm just grateful I remembered EARLY this season that I have the happy little push button for my car, so I started Serafina up before I was ready to walk out the door.  Now if I can just remember to set the blower appropriately before turning off the vehicle the night before.

I ran home over lunch yesterday and Danika had a 'good' day.  I guess I should make the run today too - in the hopes we can get ahead of any accidents waiting to happen.

Mid-life crises are no doubt real.  I was emailing with someone I had college classes with and hadn't spoken to in a while, he was a non-traditional student who is now retired.  He asked if I was happy.  Well doesn't that just get your mind churning?

My mind has returned to that over the past few days and it's really gotten me focused on work.  I need to get my world there turned back around (after all I have 20+ years still left to go), but I don't know how to do it.  This year has been all about limbo - but it shouldn't mean I am not trying to at least plan a path forward once I get out of that limbo.  Heaven knows while the current job is willing to allow me to work remote it isn't a permanent solution.  Nevermind the fact that what I'm doing isn't allowing me to immediately and robustly answer that question in the positive.

I'll admit, even before that question was posed of me the ponderings of 'purpose' have been there popping up repeatedly recently.  It's then when the tears roll and it isn't that "I'm going to cry now where your eyes close a little as to help the tears form" instead it is the one where fight it as you may a tear just rolls out.

Saturday I headed to Etna to catch up with Binder and Amy (for the first time in years) to go to ScareHouse!  I've been wanting to go forever, so I put out the cattle call with the hopes I'd find someone local to make the drive with.  They bit so we decided to meet.

First there was a stop at the Church Brew Works where I had some delightful perogies with bacony goodness and a pumpkin stout and then to the parking lot where we were bused to the Scarehouse. First the main house, which was pretty darn good. I had one minor jump scare catch me, but that was it.  The props and make up - fantastic.  Lovely work.  We had people going through with us that were quite jumpy, it was even more fun to get to watch them loose their sh*t.  THEN we went to the basement.  I really thought I might have some struggles here since they cover your head with a bag and things like that... but it was easy breezy.  They do manhandle you a good bit.  I'm sure Amy's toes are sore as I stomped her by accident with my stompers a few times when they were dragging us backwards, but to be fair she did take one hell of a crack at my ass with a plastic bat.  Yes, I do have a bruise!

Today I was up and off to church.  Unfortunately, in that short amount of time Danika decided to make a mess in the crate.  It kills me.  I watched her go right before I left.  I don't know what her deal is.  So, being gone for 2 1/2 hours this morning meant 30-40 minutes of scrubbing the crate and bathing the dog.  *sigh*  She was good when I headed back to Heidi's for an event this evening.  Don't worry, I was back in time for Walking Dead.  I can officially say I was right - at least about the first death!!!

Once again having a house for sale is doing nothing but make me sad.  More of the same old 'reviews' that I thought I got past.  *sigh*  I realized too today what the feeling is... it's like the one when I was splitting with the ex, that incredible frustration and sadness that you cannot make people do or feel things they don't (obviously on a smaller scale).

Sure I can do everything in my power to re-eliminate that same old comment (I don't know what else that would be at the moment) but when people aren't giving that feedback they still don't want to leap.  It is there where I say there is absolutely nothing I can do and I feel powerless.  If this turns into another 3-year wait fest of failure, I just can't handle that.

I caved yesterday when I noticed how low the prices were for Harmony of the Seas (brand new Oasis class ship just heading to the states in the next few weeks).  I half jokingly sent the email to my Favorite Egg trying to lure him in and then I peeked at flight prices and almost lost it at how low they were.  When he replied with a "are we doing this?" it was all over.  I can't believe I booked a cruise with less than 2 hours of forethought.  So I have some planning to do, but heaven knows I live for all of that, and while urgent research needs stress me a little I thrive on that type of stress.

With this trip I will be making a return to Jamaica.  Now, you know it is at the bottom of my list of places I've been to, but I'm willing to give it another go.  I will be super cautious in picking our plans while in port.

I just want to note how nice it is that I am able to have the back window open this evening, thanks to our ongoing pleasant weather.  It isn't slated to last much longer... as in this weekend looks like it'll be pretty chilly.  As such, I opened the boxes I brought back that had my wintery shoes (including my Docs for snow).  The Docs were in the first box... as was mold.  *sigh*

I spent some time this evening cleaning off shoes I wanted desperately to spare from the trash can.  Fingers crossed that the clean up and spray with lysol will prevent the return of said mold and that distinct odor will dissipate.  A few pairs did get dumped into the trash - the ones that were more fabricy/porous exteriors.  Fortunately the other two boxes don't appear to have the same blight, but I'm concerned for the other goodies that came back and those that remain on site.

The things that people say (to your face) that break your spirit.

I worked to cover this past Friday so my Favorite Egg and I could have a long weekend together.  I just wanted a little extra time, both with him, and away from my desk.  He came in on Thursday night, allowing us the ability to relax a little Friday morning before getting the dogs out for a noon showing at the house.  From there we went to his old place to do a little work and bring more boxes back from my stash.  Unfortunately, the work we wanted to do there didn't go smoothly and didn't get done.

I had picked up some Rum Chata to create the drink that Kirk introduced me to, but hadn't realized I didn't have Captain at the house (how does that happen)?  After a quick stop I was ready to mix a couple of a drinks.  We invited Lor-Lor to join us for dinner and sat with our beverages and a Keven Bacon movie for the evening.

Saturday we headed out to peep some leaves.  First stop Glades Pike Winery for a glass and a couple of bottles, then just down the road to Laurel Hill State Park.  We were there two years ago and he was ready to return.  After a bit of a hike there we went to the Quemahoning, which I've never been to.  I wanted to gawk around a bit and get a feel for the place, but I also thought maybe the leaves would be nice around the water.

We're supposed to be at peak for the leaves, but it was a bit lack luster.  As much as the one tree behind my house has changed in the past three days - I'm betting by this coming Thursday there will be a dramatic difference in the places we visited.  Regardless, it was a nice trip out - and the weather was fantastic all weekend.  Sunday we did a little relaxing and running.

As to the showing - it was too big for this folks looking.  *sigh*  I guess I've heard worse "no thanks" responses.

Dogs don't make sense.  At some point a while back one of the metal dinner bowls was moved from the living room and Vixen's slow feeder bowl made its way in.  For whatever reason these two goofballs seem to prefer eating out of the slow feeder.  It always gets emptied at dinner time and I have to pour food from the metal bowl which remains more than half full.  It's time to pull out the backup slow feeder bowl to make it the second living room bowl.  I am so curious to see if they'll eat out of both or if they'll still have a preference.

Today after work I headed out to the Forest Hills High School to take in a volleyball match against Richland - two young ladies from youth were playing - one on each team.  I felt thrown back so many years.  I never joined the volleyball team because the season went into swimming season, but I did train with them for a little while back in high school, and I even worked the first few games tracking as people came in/out.  It was a good time, I'm glad I went.

9 days earlier than last year... the windshield didn't clean off with a simple turn of the wiper blades this morning and the thermometer in the car said 37.  Bleh.  I'm glad I got some of the items back to my place this weekend.  I guess this means I need to go ahead and turn the heat on in the apartment

We had plenty of rain on Saturday as well, but I still made another run bringing things back.  Today my run was in sunny weather!  I was at an auction but they had so much stuff and it was moving so slowly that I left empty handed... which gave me the time to get back over there.  I also made a nice batch of chicken noodle soup tonight.  The heat is on at this point and there are people getting sick already, so it seemed like a good move, especially after I returned home from taking another batch of photos at the local cemetery with cold ears.  I'm fighting a bit of a headache, not sure what to blame that on - it came on before this ridiculous debate started.  Why am I watching this train wreck?

Yay.  Rain.  That is going to help keep the place tidy - sigh.  The rain picked up just in time for me to haul things in from the car tonight.

The first load of stuff is back from my Favorite Egg's place and I've placed it in the apartment, even though I hate that for many reasons.  Once I get everything back here I can't even imagine how small that is going to make those two main rooms look over there, but so be it - it's better than paying for a storage unit when I have that space, which I'm forced to pay to keep heated all winter anyhow.

I'm hoping the rain halts so I can make another run tomorrow.  I have a few other things I'd like to do this weekend which would be better without the cold drizzles.  I guess we'll see what happens.  Much like everything else in my world I have very little control over it.

I got to spend a little quality time with Rex and Lor Lor tonight over a drink and some deep fried delights.  We had quite a few hearty belly laughs - I needed that.  Nothing else worthy of posting about this week.

Okay, I'm really bumming about it all.  Must shake it off.  I couldn't help but think about a couple of things last night:

1).  It's now been over 6 months since I started the top to bottom scrub down of every wall, ceiling, and item in my house.  Enough time has passed that I need to start all over again at this point.
2).  I've easily put over 6 grand into the house this year that I'm not going to get back.  If anything, some of that work will also need redone (staining deck, etc etc).

This one isn't a new thought:  I also need to haul everything back out of my Favorite Egg's place across town before freezing temps come, so I need to figure out  where on earth all of those boxes are going to go. They will do nothing but make whatever space they go into look smaller and cluttered, so they'll be another strike against me.

In my zip code there are over 120 houses on the market. If you look at historical information on Zillow, do you know how many sold in the past 30 days?  1.  ONE HOUSE.  90 days?  7.  -- and this was a "the best year they've had in 10 years".

More people are announcing they are leaving and I can't help but feel jealousy that their lives get to move forward while I tread water watching the ship sink in front of me.  I just can't focus.

I allowed myself to get more psyched than I should have.  In the monthly report on the house I received today it indicated that an offer was coming from a recent showing!  I swore I wasn't going to get my hopes up or hold my breath, but I guess it's normal to still get a little excited, right?  That was dashed pretty quick w/ a message saying they changed their mind referencing someone nearby they don't want to live near.

*gah* You really can't make these things up.  Yeah, I'm sad.  I guess I did get my hopes up.

Peeve of the day: I send an email to one person, carbon copying two others that need to be aware of the conversation. The person on the to line is the most knowledgeable on the topic to hand. Both people on the cc line reply and silence from the person on the to line. I kind of want to smack the people on the cc line verbally noting that I was asking the other person and allowing them to 'listen'.

I am sure I am guilty of replying when I am on the cc line as well before the desired responder has had their say. I'm going to try and be more mindful of this. If I get asked why I didn't reply I can highlight my epiphany on this usage.

Saturday I was still hurting a good bit... but fortunately, when I woke this morning the pain in my hip has fully passed.  I'm betting the drive to my Favorite Egg's on Friday didn't help as it took an extra hour and fifteen minutes thanks to traffic coming to a complete halt for 6 or so miles near Belle Vernon thanks to construction.  This delay also made me miss out on our plans to have a nice sit down dinner at a place new to us before his other commitments.  So I ended up sitting (uncomfortably thanks to my hip) at the house by myself.  On Saturday we did a little running before heading out to his family's gathering for September birthdays.

I made good progress coming home, but it definitely didn't make up for all of that lost time on the way there.  I'm really wishing for more long weekends.

I am hurting enough now and it now feels similar to what I had while away a month ago that I hustled my way into the chiro this morning under the assumption that my hip is back out.  I didn't get to see the doctor I've been to in the past here and this guy wasn't as vigorous with his correction.  I'm back at work and still feeling it, so we will see how it goes.  Last month it seemed to dissipate pretty fast.

It is a short day for me to get my time in, which is good.  I need a bit of a weekend escape.

I had a showing yesterday where the post-showing email sounded like two different people filled it out.  Not sure what to make of that one, but I'm hoping they liked it enough to take some further action.  I still feel like I'll be somewhere else for Christmas.  I don't know if that is my mind or my heart talking.

Crap.  That's what I feel like.  I'm not sick.  Instead of the days of pain I was getting a while back, I now appear to get days of this not quite right/bloaty feeling.  Six in one hand half dozen in the other, right?

Word of more people leaving has gotten to my desk.  Seems like the next wave has begun.  For my own personal shift there is nothing new to report at this time.  I'm continuing to practice that patience thing.

More than half of my day was on the phone. That should tell you everything I need to know about my day. *sigh* Brain so tired. Thank God for the hands free headset.

And so it begins... the onions are sauteed and the tomatoes and spices are poured in.  Let there be sauce!

I never did make the vinaigrette salad last night.  But the stuffed peppers were delightful.  Maybe I'll get on the vinaigrette salad and the garlicky green beans tonight.  It was super cool this morning, but the sun warmed things up.  As it starts to fade maybe I'll fill a bag with overgrowth and weeds.  Maybe.  Motivation, please come find me.  I feel like I'm stockpiling energy to rake leaves, which will be here all too soon.

For now, tea and maybe a nap.

I'd rather be home and bored than at work, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling pretty lame.  The big excitement of my day is going to be taking Saffy to get her nails trimmed at Petco.  I've been watching the clock waiting to go until the time they told me to come.  I asked the vet's office to trim them when we were in back early July, but they're looking pretty rough again.  I am such a slacker, I should be taking her walking now that it's cooler.

I could have done some things outside, like migrating the tomato plant that I started from seed to the larger pot and the nearly dead tomato plant currently in that pot to the trash, but I didn't.  I almost allowed myself a nap, but forced myself to sit up so I am not flopping about in bed tonight.

I do have plans to make some good grub tonight with food from the farmer's market tonight.  I'm thinking stuffed peppers and a hot bacon vinaigrette salad.  I have enough tomatoes in the freezer to do another batch of spaghetti sauce which would help me get through more of the garlic, maybe I'll get that underway tomorrow.  I put a small bottle of port in the fridge for this evening.  So there's that.

I'm staring to think the primary objective of the post office to avoid delivering mail.  When I returned from vacation I had a notice of a certified letter from the township waiting for me.  I signed the paper and told them to deliver it in my absence.  Only THEN did he boldly mark the box saying I MUST be present or I must go pick it up at the post office.  (This has happened once before a while back.)  Well then, you can go ahead and return it.  I work and I am NOT driving the whole way downtown to pick up something that I'm not expecting.

Now today I get a notification from Amazon on a package that says the post office attempted delivery.  This tells me they didn't leave it.  Why?  There is nothing about this package that should require my presence or a signature.  In the past when Amazon has allowed things to get shipped via UPS and then handed off to the post office it incurs a several day delay.  You see the package arrive in town and it waits for a couple of days to get to your door.  What's up with that?

Dear Amazon, please ship UPS and NOT with the post office; they cheapen your user experience and delay your otherwise prompt service.

Leather seats == way less time spent vacuuming dog fur out of a vehicle.  The floors aren't perfect, but that task is done and it looks WAY better. My back windows aren't a dark enough tint to have allowed that to go on much longer.  Of course, as often as they're in the car as of late it won't last long, but I feel better.

I gave into a desire last night to put some black back into my hair (this craving seems to come on with the fall).  So, the underneath is black again, which surprises me all the more of a difference there really is.  I guess my brown is only a couple of shades off of black.  Next I'll touch up the top with a bit more vibrant of a color.

For the first time ever I also stopped at the Farmer's Market that is at the Lutheran Church on Scalp.  I always forget about it on Tuesdays and I'm never headed that way to be reminded on sight - until today.  I scored some beautiful looking cherry tomatoes, butternut squashes, garlic, fresh/fragrant basil, some late variety strawberries, and even mixed color green beans (to smother in garlic and butter).

Final note - Christmas shopping officially started as the first item that made me think of someone on my list was spotted on Amazon.

I just realized that I regularly say masseuse... and I really mean masseur.  Never studied French, so... excusez-moi!  It's a bit embarrassing to admit this, but it's always a good thing to learn something new.  Feel free to correct me if you catch me using the incorrect term again.

My Favorite Egg and I had a good chat today.  I struggle to verbalize how I feel about things.  When I talk feelings I instantly cry, which is not something I enjoy doing.  I know my fears about expressing myself stem from the fear of rejection.  (Boo on the people in my past who scared me with such experiences and double-boo on me for allowing them that power by wasting my emotions on jerks.)

I cooked a little like a crazy person last night in order to use a few items I purchased that I didn't want to go bad (yellow squash, ground beef, onion, peppers) and some eggplant that I scored at work as put out for the taking.  My Favorite Egg came in for the weekend so we scarfed stuffed peppers last night and ate some of the pre-made meatloaf and veggie casserole today for lunch.  The good news is I don't need to cook for a few more days as I have plenty of leftovers.

We then headed out to my masseur's wedding!  Congrats Ben and Chelsey!  We visited a bit with Beff and J between the ceremony and reception too, so that was nice.  I'm home, it's barely 9:30 and I'm tired.  I should be cleaning - there is a showing tomorrow morning at 11am, but here I sit contemplating a hot shower.

Can't say I'm thrilled right now.  I cleaned last night.  I was running later than usual this morning due to some cleaning tasks first thing.  I left here at 11 and did the last minute cleaning and got the dogs.  I sat in the parking lot waiting ... and I checked my phone.  They cancelled at 11:25.  Seriously?  Take the dogs back, turn off all of the lights and re-lock up, and return to work - I lost an hour and a half of my work day vs 2 for an actual showing.  Great.  Super.  Thanks.

I swear, I no sooner typed yesterday's post and someone contacted their realtor.  I have a showing today at noon.  After work and again after youth group I did the work that has been piling up for the sake of general tidiness.  The dogs will be happy to see me midday.

I'm also happy it didn't land on Friday or I am afraid I would have needed to ask for another time.  The project I returned to PA for so many years ago is wrapping up for the last time.  Materials are being boxes/packed and shipped back to the client.  Two guys have found other jobs and have last days scheduled. A few more are worried and trying to find other work.  It truly is a sad week.  As I worked on one last thing yesterday I felt like I was fiddling while Rome burned around me.

I also got more word that tells me I can totally forget about the other interested party as they have vanished from the earth.  Go figure, right?

It's getting pretty cool at night.  The windows have been open the past few evenings and the ac off.  It makes for pleasant sleeping, but it also makes me realize that I need to get on top of bringing my boxes back from their current 'storage' location, which is not heated in the winter.  What on earth am I going to do with darn near a room full of boxes?  While I don't have water issues I still wouldn't want them on the ground in the basement or garage and frankly any huge pile is just going to make the space it is in look tiny and messy compared to how it is today.  Plus - gah, lots of heavy lifting and another week or so of major bruises all over my arms and legs.  That's something to not look forward to.

I look at the front yard and see how much weeding needs done in the driveway too and I have not motivation to do it.  I'm back from vacation, but still just too tired of trying to keep up there (for naught).  I haven't done anything in the line of cleaning since I returned home.  I'm asking for trouble if I don't start spending 20 minutes each evening to maintain - you know a showing will pop up out of no where w/ short notice if I don't.

The past two nights in my own bed have been odd. I don't feel like I'm in my space - you know that feeling you get when you wake somewhere unfamiliar? I guess on one hand that's a good thing, since I want to sell the place, on the other hand it makes me feel a little sad that I don't feel at "home". I'm just "there".

I heard about another coworker leaving while I was gone, he is staying in the area. I heard of another who got the job he was trying for out of town. As excited as I am for him, I am also a bit jealous. Change. I need change. Things have been pretty quiet wrt the house. I'm hoping that as people settle in their back to school routines things will pick back up.

I'm home.  I had a nice visit with family at my Sister's place.  I worked, using little vacation hours, so most of what I did was work during the day, but it still felt like an escape.  I was dreading coming back to reality. At least it includes my girls.  They were happy to see me.  The house felt stuffy when I got here and had a bit of stink in the living room, which I discovered was due to standing water in the bottom of a plant... issue resolved.  It's also cooler in the evening now, so I can open the windows and enjoy fresh cool air.

The full weekend I was there, what with the holiday and all, we drove to Lubbock and I got to see my niecey poo in her natural habitat.  We drove the campus and hit all of the yummy joints including amazing thai and a good burger.  We went to the local theatre to watch her first Texas Tech game where she didn't have to work!  I'm sure it was weird and a bit sad for her.  I came back with a pint glass, a jacket, and a shirt.  I'm all "guns up".

I got to do some shopping with them for living room furniture (couch for girl and recliners for my sister), which has gotten me more so thinking about what I might want to buy to replace my existing/old couches when the time comes.

I flew back on Satuday and spent the night at my Favorite Egg's.  Since I was there, I hit another open house - turns out the place was nicer in person than I expected from the photos so that's a plus.  I'm still not sure what I want to do and flummoxed.  For now, I'm still here... and that doesn't look like it will change if left to the existing reality's devices.

To me a counter offer means you change the price in some way.  It also does not mean you get to question me, asking why I didn't send another offer after the fact.  If you didn't counter with a new offer, why would I?  It's clear you're not going to move on price and... for what it's worth, maybe that was the answer I was praying for on other matters.

The whole process pisses me off.  I feel like I get screwed on both ends of these deals, no one will ever budge for me, but they all certainly expect me to move.  It takes two days to even go from start to submitting - but can be dashed in a second.

Oh well.  I'll probably be stuck in Johnstown for a while regardless.  Tomorrow I have to go "back to reality".  At least that reality includes my girls.

Ever feel like you made one of the biggest mistakes of your life within hours of making it?   F me.

The papers have all been emailed to my agent.  So that is happening.  I think I have a fairly solid offer.  I'm not low-balling, but I also don't want to budge much if at all as I am already having number anxiety.  If they counter, which doesn't everyone I may need to work another angle (some closing costs/home warranty etc to try and balance out a bit of my pain).

Now I wait, and continue to pray for my current place to receive an offer.  Here we are, offers have places closing just in time for Halloween.  It is but a blink of the eye before we're into Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Reading 41 pages of documents you need to read carefully and pick apart after working all day isn't my idea of a fun evening.  This should be a good/exciting time, but it's already tedious and exhausting.  Things sure have changed since the last time I was looking to buy a house... and every single item seems to mean more $$ for the buyer to put out.

Long story short, the notifications I receive on properties that I've favorite told me before bed last night open houses, which gave me a little bit of a sense of urgency... but it sure didn't look like the one place and I were close on numbers.  This morning I saw a price drop.  The combination of the two has me taking steps forward I was previously thinking needed to hold until my current place sold.  Unfortunately for me, I haven't heard anything else on that front other than hearing that one potential buyer made an offer on another place, so I guess I can cross them off.

Still no word on the house from either interested party.  I took the next step and dropped the price a bit.  I really thought there would be progress by now, but the timing will be what it should be, right?

31 was pretty good, but not my favorite of his makings thus far.  I did like the music before the movie though - it's been a while, but I may need to buy the next/latest Zombie CD.

The past few days have been food food food... and don't forget the little joint on the corner w/ a million flavors of fresh brewed iced tea.  I am so bloated.  I'll be okay if I don't eat again for a week.

Totally snagged my ticket to go see the advanced showing of THIS little gem tomorrow night.  They are a bit twisted, but I do enjoy Rob Zombie's movies.  Too bad girl child will be in a class, but I'm willing to roll solo.

I am still standing by with hope for the house.  So much so that while I'm away visiting with family I even bought a bottle of champagne for here, so we can celebrate _when_ the time comes.  Word back on the open house proved to have more traffic than I expected, especially since it was a mere 45 minute window.

Since I'm visiting w/ family I got to see Niecy Poo for a brief window, that was nice.  I'm also eating good grub like a crazy person.

They didn't finish up as early as they claimed they would, but the upstairs carpet is now complete as well.  It too looks pretty nice.  Of course, there is plenty of 'lint' to vacuum up with new carpet.  The big challenge of the day was that, as I feared, the metal door and the cubby doors wouldn't have budged on the new carpet.  They needed cut off.  Fortunately, the woman from the carpet place already had someone lined up - unfortunately, that cost me another little chunk of money.  But it's complete!  I got everything "back where it belongs" upstairs too.

Of course, contractors tinkering with freshly cut carpet tend to make a mess - the whole way down the stairs, through the dining room, and across the front porch.  So there is plenty more to clean up. It was nice to have two days guaranteed to not have showings - but it's time to get all of the rest of the cleaning back up done too so we're ready for more.  This Saturday my agent has scheduled an open house, so I want to make sure all is in order for this.  It is a never ending battle, and I'm getting tired.

Still sounds like good things may come of the second showing earlier this week.  I'm on standby to answer any questions that may crop up, and counting on the big Guy upstairs.  I had a massage this evening, but thee is no early bed time - it's time to get a few other things done.

New carpet is complete in the apartment and looks pretty darn good, matching well with the newly painted walls.  I touched up the paint quickly tonight before running back out to head to the church.  I will need to do a little cleaning up in there after they get the rest of their stuff out of there.  Upstairs they have the smaller bedroom complete, which also looks brighter/lighter and quite nice.  They'll move the furniture in the morning and get the other room done.  Then I'll have all of the reorganizing and clean up up there to tend to on top of more cleaning ... because an open house is currently scheduled for Saturday and contractors tend to track things every which way.

Another cool discovery is that there is hardwood under the carpet upstairs too!  They painted some of it, but at least it isn't wood just around the outside.  That's good info to pass along to new owners should they prefer to redo the hardwood.

Either way, today was nice.  The girls were happy that I was here for a chunk of the day, and I didn't have any messes to clean up.

Fortunately there wasn't an accident when I came home before the showing today.  I had gotten a little more cleaning done and I lucked out and the guy who mows was out and about last night so I feel like the house was as ready as it could be.  Now I wait.  Whatever the answer - God has me.  I know this.  I may get tempted to forget more than I'd like to admit, but it's true.

The new carpet comes tomorrow.  I'm eager to have new photos of the apartment and upstairs to share with everyone.  I think it's going to look great.

I finished the New Testament!  Three days ahead of the 90-day schedule!!  I'm glad I was drawn to get going on it.  I've learned things I hadn't realized were in there, I read things that I saw in a new light, and I feel like I'm a step further in the right direction.  I challenge you.

I think the fall is already here.  It was pretty cool overnight last night and is headed there tonight too.  The A/C is off and windows are open.  I'm praying for a good night's sleep.

Last night I caught up with C and V to have an appetizer and a drink.  It was good to see them, but unfortunate to be under sad circumstances for their family.  I was worried the whole time I was gone about the mess I might come home to.  That's no way to live.  I got lucky.  Today all went relatively well while I was at church but there was definitely something in the crate, it wasn't anything definable. Maybe slobber?  But she had herself fairly soaked too.  She's making some progress on breaking the plastic and metal on the side of the crate.

I had good news in the afternoon, as a second showing was requested!  It was almost a quick turn around... but eventually got scheduled for early this week.  I've been praying to remain in faith and hope.  I've been praying that the people we are waiting for will come.  I've had others praying.  I've also been staying ready... making my bed each morning w/o anything scheduled and tentatively looking at my email for the feedback from that showing.  His will. His timing.  I continue to struggle with all of this.

Tonight I have an old friend swinging in as he passes through town on his way home from the Camaro Anniversary shindigs in Detroit.  I love that you can meet people through things like being a fan of Type O Negative that turn into long lasting friendships.  Dinner!

Saffy got to wear her red polka dot bathing suit today!  The Blair county dog park had an event in Altoona at my old stomping grounds, Prospect Pool.  We were only in there for a little over an hour but I am glad we went.  My arms are scratched and bruised from when she tried to climb me a few times, but we did do some real swimming and then she used me like an island as I walked around in the deeper part for a little while.  It wasn't too busy, which was good for me.  Saffy did well w/ the other dogs.  I didn't think she wouldn't, but you just never know with all of that stimulation, you know?

Of course we came home to another mess (sigh, we were only gone for 3 hours).  I'm at wit's end.  I am really starting to think it's partially age getting the best of Danika.

I just want to move on, but I feel trapped. I was so hopeful this time would be different. It isn't. My frustration is only compounded by the futility of trying to keep things in order. Every showing is approx 2 hours lost at work because, by some oddness no one seems to work during the day but me. This week too it seems like the dogs, well one of them, is acting against me (I swear on purpose).

I started to waffle again and think maybe it would be better/easier if I wasn't here, but I fell for that mistaken thinking when I moved to NC and we all know how that turned out. I know that an empty place means things start to go wrong, plus it's all cooped up, and you can't get a great vibe on room sizes w/o furniture.

I loathe that I cannot think of anything else that I can do other than spend a ton more money on upgrades or dropping the price drastically - and even those two things hold no guarantees other than the fact that it would leave me hurting. This sucks.

The showing on Monday was postponed... so I redid that cleaning this evening in prep for it tomorrow.  Of course, it looked fine outside until I cleaned the outside of the back door and the windows in the living room - and then another heavy rain came blowing in, making a mess of the door and window all over again.  I also put the switchplate, plug, and heat vent covers back on in the apartment, even though they'll need to come back off when the carpet goes in.

Oh, I also trimmed back the butterfly bush and the russian sage, both of which were going insane out front and looked a bit too unruly.  I'm kind of disappointed w/ the butterfly bush, maybe it's my own fault as I don't know if I should have been trimming in some manner, but it gets so tall and lanky with blooms far apart.

In other interesting 'news'.  I don't know why or how, but I feel like I knew this was going to happen before it came to be - but the people who owned this house before me?  Their current place, the one they moved to after leaving here, just came on the market now too.

The painting in the apartment is done, with the exception of any touch ups after the new carpet goes in.  I'll admit, it looks way better than I could have anticipated.  Since so much progress was made prior to today I had plenty of time to make a batch of brownies and cook up pork/kraut/mashers.

While I've been busy I still took the time to sing happy birthday to Danika today, who has turned 11.  They got to share a can of moist food and lick out the mashed potato pot, so everyone is happy.

Sure I still had plenty of the odds and ends to do since there is a showing tomorrow, but I have actually gotten to sit down too.  I don't think it's felt so good in a long time.  My eyes are heavy, but there is a preview show on the upcoming Walking Dead season tonight at 10 - I have to keep them propped open.

I'm whooped.  Friday night friends stopped in to see how the patched spots looked in the apartment after I had finished and showered... I was just sitting down on the coach and already fighting sleep.  When they got here they said "let's start priming!"  I can't say no if I'm getting free help, but I was dying by the time we halted for the evening.  Today I was up early for there return and we got everything fully primed and the first coat on.  It looks so much brighter in there.

Of course, I had committed to helping at Summerfest tonight too, so there was no rest for the wicked.  Another shower and I was out the door and on the way to Portage.  I was really hoping I was needed sitting in the information booth or something like that.  Instead I was serving fries.  I think I got all of the grease and smell off of me.  I'm tired, my feet are aching, but my brain is still going.

I came home and forced myself to reply to an email on the home warranty.  *sigh*  It boggles my mind how things change with every single email.  Seriously, why are people incompetent at their jobs?  If you do this EVERY day, how can you not get it right.  Hmm, sounds like a great time to bring up the fact that our lawyer for Mom's estate is still cluster f-ing things.  Seriously dude.  Fire your receptionist.  She is a waste.  And you?  You need to go get things done instead of pointing out how much your balance is for finishing things.

The reasons people don't like my house really shouldn't get longer the harder I try to make it more sellable.  *sigh*  I really hate the house selling process, it is just exhausting and depressing.  It also makes me hate myself more for having bought this place in the first place.

The apartment living room and bedroom walls are washed down.  I need to remove electrical covers and fill holes tomorrow and then I'll be ready for priming on Saturday.  After that and sitting in the heat with the girls for the showing I'm drowsy and ready for bed.  We have been promised quite the heat wave coming through this weekend.

Primer and wall cleaner procured!  Another showing tomorrow, and then I need to get the walls washed down.  I don't have much to say... as you can see it's late, thanks to church study on Wednesdays, and I still have some things to do this evening before I can rest.  One of those things is to get the sheets/blanket from the dryer and back on the bed!

It's time to get back on the (work) horse.  I committed to having the carpet replaced in the apartment and upstairs here in the main house (another task that I should have done for myself a long time ago).  Before the apartment carpet goes in I want to get the wood paneling painted - so that'll be the next task up.  I picked up the Home Depot gift card from Iggle to get the primer and bought the miscellaneous supplies to force myself into scheduling it.

If I can get that done without too much pain maybe I'll keep moving and get the basement floor repainted too?  I admit, as much as I hate to ask for help - I did it.  My Mom would be so proud.  It will definitely help make the panel painting task less painful.

Good news is the past two nights I've slept a little better than I was.  Not quite the excellent sleep I am so spoiled by typically having, but I've gotten sleep.  Ironically enough though I spent both days yawning and finding myself dragging.

I've been feeling run down all weekend, just tired, not sick.  Friday after work I wanted to nap before my Favorite Egg got here, but instead I just lounged on the couch and sleep didn't come.  Both nights I laid there in bed more than I slept.  At least we were able to sleep in a little, so I got some sleep.  Not much got accomplished around here this weekend, but we did get hedges trimmed at his old place.

Do I have to go back to work tomorrow?

I'm feeling pretty disenchanted on the house issue.  Another no thanks and reverting back to old comments.  *sigh*  I have no other ideas other than to step up the same things more frequently.  Even all of that won't help the fact that either you want the apartment or you don't.  I hate not having a say or a feasible course of action.  Now I waffle back in the other direction on my internal dialog.  Will it be easier to sell if I WASN'T living here?  Sadly, this is the same discussion in my brain how many years ago and look how that turned out.  Well that train of thought is just so incredibly depressing and frightening, not just from the house perspective but also on the relationship perspective.

It really hasn't been on the market long, I know this.  I shouldn't feel crappy about it - but I do.  The summer is almost over and with that is the house selling/buying season.  Hell, I've lost most of this year to the whole situation at this point from initial prep to today.

Drake went to his new home today.  My driveway feels empty.  Yes I'm a little sad about that too.

Thank God it's Friday.  Thank God I get to hug my favorite Egg tonight.  When I'm around him I tend to at least get a good night's sleep, there's something comforting about his presence.  Maybe that's what I need to get past this physical and emotional exhaustion.

And just like that... Drake (the Tiburon) is spoken for.  He is scheduled to get cleaned and will go to his new home by the end of the week.  As always there is sadness for me, but I know that Serafina (Sorento) will take care of me and it's for the best for me to lighten up as I prepare to shift lots of things in my life.

If only I could sell houses as easily as I can cars.

Another no thanks showing with feedback that isn't something I can remedy.  Yes, the basement stairs are narrow, but no, I don't think the street is busy.

I'm trying to put the next house options out of my head for right now.  While it's in my nature to try and figure out the next step, I know that's just not viable.  It's very possible that I'll be here for a while.

Suddenly my HSA is stealing a monthly fee from my account too.  That's nice.  They didn't notify me of any change and I've had an HSA for several years without a single penny fee.  WTH.  What gives you the right to pilfer from my pre-tax dollars - especially unbeknownst to me?  Is that legal?  I thought those pre-tax dollars needed to go for qualifying expenses?  Meh.

This evening I had a church friend stop in to give me a fresh perspective walking through the house.  She noticed a few minor things and made her suggestions.  Well, I guess she also took note of the need to redo the caulk in the apartment because she came back later with her husband (another church friend) who got to work there recaulking and removing the awful fish stickers from the bottom of the tub while she fashioned new window coverings for one upstairs room.  How's that for love?

Of course in the midst of working in the apartment bathroom the faucet in the tub stopped turning off completely.  *sigh*  It's only been empty for a month but things are already breaking.  As an added dose of blessing he'll be back tomorrow (after the stores are open) to help make that repair as well.  In the mean time, things are turned off in the basement leading over there.

Three dog food bags full of pine cones.  One raw thenar space.  My poor hands are made for typing, not manual labor.  It's pretty darn warm working out there too, so it feels good to be back inside and relaxing on the couch with cold water.  Of course, while I was outside laboring some-fuzzy-body popped the bedroom door and made themselves comfortable on my bed.  Jerks.

I've been starting to ponder what else I should do "around here" to help perk it up.  Maybe repaint the basement floor?  Rip down the wood paneling in the apartment and replace it with drywall or paint the wood paneling?  Update the tub and surround in the apartment?  Ugh.  All of it sounds like large endeavors in time or money.   I wonder what it would cost to get one or the other outsourced.  If I were sticking around I'd dive into the kitchen/hall/bath tile and upgrade it to ceramic.

I'm glad I got my butt in gear a little last night and went out to scoop poop, pull weeds, and pull the gladiolus bulbs.  The heavy rain today definitely would have halted any of that progress.  Of course it's heavy/windy rain too, so my windows are going to need recleaned up on the outside before the Monday showing (and my DirecTV is out).  Things have cooled down a good bit, so that's a plus.  It almost feels like  I should be baking, but I guess we're still two months before that season and feeling really should set in.

What to do what to do.

I've been trying to whittle down my options - and managed to eliminate one due to the way pricing works out when compared to other/better options that end up being around the same payment.  It is still remaining a futile question because there are bigger issues a foot.  I've turned to others I care about for opinions and I keep hearing the same comments/hints, (some more blunt than others).

Then tonight I had an epiphany:  for once, I am the girl in the relationship.  All of those times back when I was nagged for 'status talks' that I cringed.  Of course I knew what it was, they wanted that because they could sense exactly where they stood - they were in deeper than I was.  So what does that tell me?

I can't just stand still and wait to be forced out and the only other option is to commit to a direction that forces other things.  I also can't sit on a house w/ half of it sitting empty indefinitely.  Thirdly, my other wants are kind of screwed either way.  I know some things aren't in the cards for some people, but it doesn't make me any happier for the whole thing.

When you force answers on questions... you get answers that leave you less than content.  I remember a time in the past when "if" was the norm - long before it became "when".  I don't know that I want to relive any of that.

I'm now even more confused than I was - and now on multiple decisions.

I headed to my Favorite Egg's on Friday.  Sure, he had to work all day, but I got busy with house hunting related activities.  I started at a builder's place in the area I was liking... and while they said they could do something in a range I'm comfortable with the number went up too fast once I said it was weird to have a house with the 2nd/3rd bedroom in the basement.  Then we caught up with the agent to see a few houses.  Once was nice, but had a less than awesome kitchen and was too close to a loud/busy road for my liking.

Saturday we were up to meet her once again to see other places.  On this run I found two places that were quite nice - viable options!  I really liked the one, feeling the only thing it was missing from my want list was a walkout from the basement to the back yard.  It would require the addition of a fence too.  It had a great view, which didn't involve a ton of other houses, so that was a plus, and a great space for a home office ... or more formal dining room down the road.  The other I had written off because it more pricey - but after we discussed that it's really about the same price once you'd add a nice roof over the deck and a fence.  This one was a bit bigger too, but it had the garage in the basement.  Neither one has the finishes I really would prefer... but...

Sunday I returned to both of the aforementioned homes to reassess fully, and to take more pictures and video.   The second place couldn't get me in until later, so I wasn't home until later and I had to be here without the girls last night.  Tonight it's just good to be home and able to sit, but I'm hoping for a conversation to try and give me some clarity (or more confusion is more likely).

... It doesn't matter at the moment however, because I'm not sure what to do.  I know I can't sit on my thumbs if I'm interested or they'll be gone.  I don't feel like I have a win right now, unfortunately - and it's so much money to commit to due to uncertainties of any kind.  *sigh*

Feedback on this house continues to say that it is nice but not for them.  Better than feedback could be, but still disappointing.  It's still new on the market really, so I am not complaining.  It will happen and soon enough.

I nailed down my hours ahead of time, so I am OFF today!  It felt so good last night to know I didn't have to get up and go into work.  Of course, I still woke at 7am, but that's okay.  Lots of activity planned throughout the weekend - just as soon as I finish this coffee.

Two negatory responses on yesterday's showings and another scheduled for Thursday.  I had my review today and know what my raise will be for the year.  I'm grateful that we're not under a pay freeze, that's for sure, but I am still not in a celebrating type of mood.

When I got home I had mail from the lawyer tending to Mum's estate.  Sounds like a couple more months worth of wait given that there is now ANOTHER step and then another wait for something else to file.  This is beyond obscene at this point.  They want us all to file amended returns for 2015.  Why?  I didn't get a penny in 2015 (frankly I'll be surprised if I get a penny in 2016 at this point).  Her estate wasn't big enough for the IRS to care about and the PA taxes should already be removed before a penny of it comes my way.  So... wth.  Go ahead and try to read up on these forms and/or processes on your own, I dare you.  I wonder how much it's going to cost me to get my stuff amended.  The best part is they said "we told you that taxes should be done after x and y are done".  Seriously, it's July.  You wanted us to not do my taxes?  You know April 15th is the deadline, right?  When did you try to tell us this little "fact"?  Like a month ago.  You're an idiot.  Despite all of this you get to steal 10% of everything someone worked their whole life for.

If you're in need of a lawyer in Blair county let me know, I'll tell you who doesn't do anything without being nagged and just allows things to linger for months at a time.

Can't sleep. Just realized I neglected to put the trash out, so I got up and did that. Two more showings this evening and final word received to the negatory from Friday's showings.

Speaking of Friday, it certainly doesn't feel like "only" Tuesday.  *sigh* Need sleep. What a long week.

Yesterday I scored quality time with Beff. She joined me on a drive out towards my Favorite Egg's place where we met him for a brief lunch before splitting off to go to open houses. I made the drive mainly due to one house that went up just over a week ago that announced an open house. It was a good trip, but disappointing at the same time.

I saw one place that was really nice - loved the fenced yard and all inside, but it was pretty pricy especially since they skipped some of the higher end finishes (it was a wood deck, not trex; standard kitchen counters, not solid surface, etc). Another was ok but not my favorite layout - it too had a nice fenced yard ready to roll and some lower end finishes. Then a couple that were scratched pretty quick as they weren't really what I want, but for the lower price and open house I forced myself to consider.

Before these last two we went to the house I came for. There was a piece of paper on the door noting that the open house was cancelled. We happened into another open house that we hadn't planned on hitting because we saw signs. In talking with that agent, it turns out my worst fear - his clients put a bid in on that house. So it's under contract, gone, I didn't even get to see it and talk myself out of it for some reason. Driving that neighborhood we saw a lot of houses with wavy looking siding, so I'm trying to tell myself the builder wasn't up to par.

Speaking of builders, I also drove Beff by some of the other places I had contemplated. As we drove past the one complex I saw the sign noting an open house on some of the current builds, so we stopped in and I got to meet the folks I have emailed with and see a couple of their in progress builds. It would be at the tippy top of my personally imposed budget, but I'd love to consider a new place. Of course, that would mean a 6-7 month wait for it be built.

On that front, it looks like I'd have the time... no word on the showings from last week at this time. It is a very different market here vs there, that's for sure.

For the first time ever (first time for Danika and first time since I was in North Carolina) I found what I think was a tick on Danika's elbow but it was larger than I'd expect.  The ticks I was forced to deal with in NC were soft bodied ticks - they were pretty darn big when "full".  It was dead however and pulled out easily, leaving a little bit of blood.  I bathed her today (mostly because she was due and I need to expedite all of this shedding) and sprayed my natural preventative on her, but I'm thinking I may need to use the biospot.  Like I said - the summer of all bugs/plagues.

I ran to the mall today too so I could use my Vicky's card for the first time in a year and a half and get my birthday discount.  Of course, while there I had to pick up my free goo from Bath and Body Works too.  I also made a Perkin's stop to cash in my free birthday Magnificent Seven breakfast.  Birthdays may not be my favorite, but at least I get free stuff.

Second day back on the market... and two showings (to the same family unit) down.  I am not going to lie, this excites me greatly and I'm hopeful.  Ultimately, even if an offer does not come I can't help but see God in all of this showing me how powerfully he can move.  I've doubted.  I've feared.  I've tried to hold close.  This is truly his moving and I'm grateful for the hope and light in this tunnel.  To think I may need to panic instead saying "I need to find a place pronto!"

I missed out on the group's trip to Shakespeare in the park this evening in order to get the dogs out, but I am thinking it was worth missing out on some quality time.

I celebrated by allowing myself to download a few songs I had saved on my Amazon wishlist... in particular, this one.  I can't wait to sit on a cruise ship balcony listening to this one.  Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sx8wTnnfSc

In the eye of the storm, you remain in control.  In the middle of the war, you guard my soul.  You alone are the anchor when when my sails are torn.  Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm.