I'm a tired girl.  Yes, we had a solid 5 inches of snow on Saturday morning.  Best part was needing to drive to Altoona in that mess.  219's passing lane was not a wise move for most of the way to Eburg, but things looked a bit better as I got closer to Altoona, mostly just wet roads there.

Had a good visit w/ mom before heading to the D&A's Halloween party.  Got to hang w/ Jackie too and met some nice peeps, had more than my share of cake flavored vodka (frickin yum)... and that was before the jello shots made an appearance.  Got back to mom's, after sobering back up a bit of course, around 2:30 in the morning and slept until 8:30 when mom was wide awake.  Hung out with her a bit longer today and then headed to a purse party down there.  Girls got to hang with the pet sitter.  Now I've got one whiny, needy beast out of the three.

Things are melting off, gotta get up tomorrow and I'm ready for bed now... to make the morning a bit brighter there are the makings of banana bread in the breadmaker set to be fresh baked by 7am.

Can't put it off forever... this morning, for the first time this year, I scraped my windshield.  Now, while that is to be expected, and probably overdue since it's the end of October, I do find it rather unfair that we're also poised to get the first snowstorm within 24 hours of said first scraping date. Not cool.

I had an appointment this morning at the dermatologist.  It was scheduled a while ago, and not about the tattoo.  Since she didn't want to remove the mole on my arm as it would leave a scar 'as unattractive as the mole' *sigh* I did at least get to ask about the burn on the tattoo.  She confirmed that it will probably end up without color in that spot and ... noted that others have had such issues, which take quite a long time to heal.  She also noted that the one doctor's office here in Johnstown does laser hair removal, so why couldn't I "find" them when I started my search?

I've been waiting for short timelines to rear their ugly heads and it finally happened today, so that's that stress.  There's also the stress of hearing some bad news for other folks... an all too often occurrence.  Funny how everything frustrating and/or sad is tied to the daytime.

As for the night, tonight I headed out to catch up w/ Shaff and the PR Man to have a drink at the Back Door Cafe before heading to see the Rocky Horror Show production being put on at the Art Works in Cambria City.  Had a most awesome Lavender martini.  Love love love that smell.  The show was good, but I can imagine confusion for anyone who's not seen the movie before.  I do wish I could actually sing... I thought that too when I saw the listing for try outs on facebook a while back.  Ah well, can't be good at everything... but I am hoping to make a list of a couple things someday.

I think my mailman decided the best way to not deliver me the wrong mail is to not bother deliver my mail at all.  I had a card out today and it was still there when I came home, so you tell me what that means.

I spent a little time in the apartment tonight.  The painting is definitely scraped, so the rest of the curtains and decorations are back up.  I was going to try and patch a hole in the recliner, but the fabric won't hold up to an iron, so that's out.  So, I'll be trying to find a replacement I guess.  I tried to run to Wolfs and the used furniture store on Scalp, but both were closed before 7pm.  Value-it has a few options, but they're all still nearly $200.  So here's hoping someone at work is maybe trying to get rid of one.

I don't think I need to rush however, as I've only had one person actually come to see it and they didn't seem very interested.  So, there's the chair and the need to get the bed over there.  I'll give it another day or so and I'll just try and get it down the stairs and to the apartment on my own.  For now, I'm still sore from my efforts earlier in the week, particularly my hands.  I've got things shaking out for the next so many days, so I don't know how much I'll accomplish in the near term either.

Good life lesson tonight from Oprah, but one that is tough for me to just accept at face value in practice.  "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."  Someday I'll stop learning that lesson the hard way and start running the other direction at the first demonstration.

HA!  So I can email a post in now, nice.  No longer will I need to wait until day's end to toss a thought your way.  Should I apologize?

Anyhow, Danika got her stitches out tonight after work, so we're way on the good side of the mend.  Amusingly she's healing faster than I am.  My tattoo wound from three weeks ago is still not healed well enough to tell what the result is going to be.  On a positive note, for a brief period I feared it was infected but that cleared up quickly.  It's dried up at least now.

I headed to the apartment after I returned with D, I ate quickly before the vet run to facilitate getting over there fast.  Put in another 3 1/2 hours.  For my trouble the curtains are back up in the kitchen (and at the last minute the bedroom), the rugs and the furniture have had the rug scrubber taken to them (God I love that think and am so glad to have it), the fake wood paneling has been rubbed down with liquid sander.  I've gotta tell you, I really don't think I'm following through on painting the paneling.  I'm really not feeling confident it'll take or that it will look right... then there is that it took how long it did just to rub down the walls, much less priming and coats of paint working around this that and the other.  When you paint wood paneling do you paint the trim too?  Then there are the torch style lights on the wall I'd need to pull loose too.  There just simply isn't enough time given nights to bust through everything without losing my mind.

I still have to get the new bed over there and set up, the living room curtains up, and some replacement items purchased... off the top of my head.  Am I just making excuses to get out of the work?  Maybe, but those justifications seem pretty hefty in my mind's scale.

Friday I left work a wee bit early to meet someone at the house.  Fingers crossed the estimates for the basement to garage and garage to outside doors will be something I can manage as I'd really like to get them replaced.  From there I headed for my overdue massage, from which I am still a little sore this morning, which should give you a good indication of how tense I was - and didn't realize it until the 10 minute massages at work earlier in the week.

I admit to a bit of a lazy Saturday, sleeping in and chilling with the fuzzy girls, but I knew I was going to have plenty to get on top of today, so that's my excuse.  Last night I also got to indulge having sushi with the Schmoo clan, DP/Gail, and H/T.  I did start the work-related laundry last night, so that is more than half done, but it will be a while before I can make use of those cleaned items.  Today I'll be working in the apartment to get it turned around for new tenants to see.  I'm going to try and focus on cleaning for now, but I also had designs on painting the wood paneling.  Without the help I had thought I was going to have my motivation for that is faltering, as is my excitement to go try and lift the heavy-ass old mattress and box springs to get them out of there, making room for new(er).  I hate this part.  Why didn't I hire someone to come and do the cleaning?

When I saw that the local theater was playing Paranormal Activity 3 at 10pm tonight (not sure how they pulled that off since it wasn't to be 'released' until midnight, but whatever) I decided yeah, time to do something way too late and hit this first showing.

I can easily say I am glad I went... and for a third film it didn't suck at all.  There were some decent would-be jumps, but alas it still didn't get me.  Prb mostly ruined the chance to do that to me thanks to the pack of rugrats at the theater with their constant hoots and hollers.  Yes, I said hoots and hollers, I'm old, I can say that.  The movie does leave me needing to re-watch the first two however to try and fill in some seeming gaps or discrepancies, but it has been a while since I've seen the others.

News article discussion time!
One.  The guy who had the wild animals in Ohio... um, most people can't get a license to keep exotics, period.  So, why if they were deplorable conditions that warranted many visits from authorities weren't the animals all taken from him long before this?

Two.  Me with hormonal insanity looks normal by comparison to Lindsay Lohan.  Would someone please do this girl a favor and lock her ass up?

Three.  Most awhhhhh-some!  Yay for Vera Wang making black wedding dresses.  Hopefully I'll need one again someday.  Anyone who things this is creepy seriously needs to get over themselves.  Why do you care so much?  No one looks good in white... and no one is believe it either!

I'm finally getting through to the other side of the web of insanity.  Hormones are a bitch.  At least I made it through without severe pain or nausea this time.  Too bad modern medicine doesn't address crazy.  On the topic of medicine I've started reapplying antibac to the wound on the tat.  It bubbled back up yesterday with another blister and was oozing today.  Prb not a good thing.

Danika on the other hand is doing very well.  I've not noted any swelling or redness around her stitches, so hopefully we'll be good to remove those on the earlier end of the timeline I was given.  I even took her for the walk this evening instead of my constant companion, Saff-a-roo kanger-puppy.  She instead sat outside content to stare up in the tree watching the chippies.

Why when you're already feeling pretty low does everyone seem to take off in other directions?  Last night I tried posting for help with something and went hours without someone even commenting.  Tonight I was all but begging for someone to go eat with and got zero replies.  So I stayed home like a loser and ate a piece of left over chicken.  I know how stupid it sounds, but I feel invisible.

My anxiety isn't letting up either.  I'm already dreading things that are on my calendar this AND next weekend.  I don't wanna, which makes no sense because without those things I'd have nothing to do.

My email and facebook are way too quiet today.  Feeling too alone.  Didn't get enough done this weekend by any means.  If I would have at least buried myself in work I could have been distracted from 'gravity' as it were.  How do you figure out what you want to do with your life?  It's so much easier to just put your head down and keep trudging away, even though the only thing you see changing is your age.

I think someone is testing me.  Today someone actually had the balls, during the 10 seconds I stepped away from my cart in Ollie's to remove my items from my cart, cram them on the shelf, and walk off with my cart.  Really, you couldn't walk the 20 ft back to the front of the store for a cart?  They are SO fortunate I didn't catch who did it. I am pretty confident I would have lost my mind on them for being so self-centered with a douche-cream filling.  Who does something like that?

I didn't accomplish great feats like I did last weekend, but so far I have gotten the dishes done, and three loads of laundry through (yes, I still need to fold and put them away), AND I got most of the Christmas presents I already have upstairs wrapped!  This gave me a good chance to assess the completed shopping list and see who all I still need to buy for so I can focus my gift search.

Now that the various household machines are done using the hot water, I think I'm going to go get a nice steamy shower!

I'm moody right now, this I know, but I swear more things piss in your wheaties when you're in that state than otherwise would occur.  Of course, it's also why I gained 5 lbs in a day!  The acts that perform said whizzing also tend to always help zero in on your lack of confidence in yourself, like hearing that kind things that were said are probably said to everyone and are already forgotten by the one who said them.  The reoccurring question of "where do you want to be in 5 years" came up again.  I don't know.  I know some people love what they do to the point that they want to do that all night and all weekend, but that's just not me.  To join other groups etc focused on the things all day is, ultimately, still work for me, not something I'll be jumping for joy to participate in.  If the kind words are forgotten, there really is no point in me putting myself through such torture.  I should just settle to blend into the gray cube walls.

Meh, at least it's the weekend.  Unfortunately, that mood means I don't have much motivation right now to do anything, even cook dinner, much less exercise.  I had the last of the pumpkin spice cake I made last weekend and some steamed broccoli.

I came home tonight to a third night in a row where I had mail for someone else.  Now this is a frequent occurrence, once I've written to the post office about before but this one takes the (pumpkin spice) cake.  The piece I put back out in the mail earlier in the week got re-delivered to me!  Seriously, this has not become Devon drive in the past two days, I promise.

I did have one good thing occur, out of a less than great today however.  When I got to work today I went to water Henrietta, a plant that Rex had left with me when he moved away.  He also left George, but George died not too long ago.  Henrietta was gone.  GONE!  Someone plant-napped her!  They've been switching out the real plants at work for plastic ones.  Not thrilled with the idea, but I figured I'd water my plant and two down the hall from her that were left to dry out and all would be well.  Turns out the word of mouth going around was that the plants were free game, take them if you want them.  So someone took Henrietta, even though she was in a different pot and had her own name tag.  Long story short, a missing poster and posting on our internal listings and her abductor stepped forward with remorse for the misunderstanding.  That said, Henrietta will be back safe and sound Monday.

I've got an interesting mix of things that I wanted to comment on, so this is likely to be another one of my eclectic messages, bare with me.  First, I noticed this morning that I missed yet another text message from that which shall not be named (last evening).  I tell you, someone's girlfriend needs to keep them on a much shorter leash.  Yep, another wave of this crap.  I did think a status message on Friday was too coincidental to not be directed at me, and I did see them popping on and off messenger on the weekend.  I just wish I understood the motivation.

D's surgery went a-okay on Tuesday, she came home still a little stoned, but not acting like she's hurting.  10 stitches, so we've got a couple weeks of healing ahead of us, but it looks good.  Walked over lunch that day, I think the last of our nicer weather, since I knew I was running at night to the lia sophia meeting.  Today on the other hand there was no walking at lunch thanks to rain, and frankly, I don't think I'm doing anything tonight.  I came home early after fighting to stay awake and focused in the afternoon and took a nap, albeit a less than restful one.  Prb a bad time to take a night off of exercise since my scale actually registered lower this morning (despite having a baking fit this past weekend, explain that).

On Monday I started watching Oprah's lifeclass.  It's good stuff, it's hard to explain it, just go watch it and let's hope that I can make some personal progress.  For now I will be focusing on asking myself if it is my ego getting in the way when I start to get irritated and I know that most of that stems from my internalized fears.  Tomorrow is what would have been a 10-year anniversary.  I'm trying, really I am, but it does still sting after all of this time.  Revert back to Oprah's classes and note that I missed Tuesday night's episode on anger.  I wish I could find the full episode online, but no dice so far.

On Monday I had someone comment about something I said said that it irritated them, it immediately brought me down and made me feel like crap.  It brought me back to the 'constructive criticism' from my reviews that tell me to be better I need to not be me.  Worse still it reminded me of a friend earlier this year when they commented that they "hated when I got that way" when I got irritated about a situation.  Is it possible to change and become this completely even/level person without those spikes and peaks?  To be complacent about everything?  Clearly I have to try as it's a repeating theme with people who supposedly care about me... so it has to be something that keeps Mr. Right away.

This was one of the longer days as of late.  My leftovers promptly oozed all over everything else in the bag on the way to work, so perhaps it was just the pace being set.  The second half of my meeting went well enough, but I didn't have as much warm-fuzzy.  It is what it is, but more importantly what's done is done.

One good thing did come today, as I reached out to get the Tib detailed, which means in addition to Drake looking amazing I got to see Davey!  Amusingly, I thought the driver's seat was showing wear, but it turns out it was just dirty, apparently, putting lotion on my legs means a less than lovely looking seat.  Who'da guessed?

Miss D goes in tomorrow to have her cyst removed.  It should be pretty routine, but I'll still ask for prayers for her that this goes well and she heals quickly.  Routine or not there is anesthesia involved.

This may surprise people, but I have opinions.  Ok, no one that knows me is surprised.  Time for me to rant and rave on some recent news articles:

First up, go sign up for an account on Whitehouse.gov, and sign this petition to encourage our government to crack down on puppy mills.

Now for one that fires me up... CA's new law says that illegal immigrants can receive STATE FUNDED aid.  Hey, maybe if I go on a killing spree they'll give me a scholarship and grant.  They're criminals.  Why are we rewarding them?  There is a process to legally come to the US, follow it or get the F out... and while I'm on the topic, if you come here and don't want to be an American (that means you fly an American flag above any other and learn English) refer to my previous statement.  I would never tell anyone to give up their heritage, do not misread what I am saying, be proud of where your family is from, teach your children your native language, but be proud to be an American for all that it means.

And, so you don't think I'm 100% piss and vinegar, how cute is this?

So inspired by the nice weather, not only is the poop scooped, but the leaves are blown out into the yard to make sure they get mulched up.  As soon as my fingers aren't numb (don't understand why 20 minutes with a leaf blower does that) I'll try to keep going.  Why am I not always this productive??

The girls had me up at 7 this morning, no I didn't kill them.  Instead I chilled a bit til 9, scarfing some eggs scrambled with garlic scapes, then got moving upstairs.  As a result, the back of the durango is loaded down again for Goodwill, the eves are cleaned out upstairs, and I'll easily be able to remove the bed that is to go to the apartment in between tenants.  YAY!

It's an absolutely beautiful day here, the front door is open and the back windows are cranked wide.  I am keeping myself focused on enjoying this while I can, because despite the sun and warm temps out there, the breeze coming through has that slight chill underneath.  Maybe I'll go chase the girls around the back yard (and clean up some poop).

I wish I didn't have a propensity towards clutter, but at least I try to fight it periodically.  So far this weekend I've dusted and tidied the living room, cleaned the bathroom, and started to tidy in the dining room.  The dining room table isn't for eating, there isn't a point when there is just one person, so it has been where everything lands.  I also decided to bag up some of the appliances that I only use infrequently and put them in the basement.  If I need the coffee pot, slow cooker, or one of the other now relocated items I can go get it then.  Yes, the coffee pot... I'm still blissfully caffeine-dependency free!  I will get back to it at some point, but it looks like the upstairs will remain the nightmare it is even longer.

Got one walk in last night and hope to get out there as the sun starts to set this evening to enjoy the nice weather on a long walk.  For now, I indulged in a movie this afternoon - "What's your number" - and made my grocery store run.  The movie was actually pretty entertaining, better than I had expected.  Maybe it was the many mostly naked scenes of Chris Evans, a pleasant surprise since I didn't realize he was in it before going.

Speaking of actors, so the TV is on right now and "Waiting" is on.  I just realized who the bitchy, ugly customer reminds me of... congrats to my ex for scoring _that_ doppelganger.

I had the first half of my meetings today, the other to follow on Monday.  I was quite happy last night to discover I have lost enough weight that my suits fit once again, so there was no need for a last minute clothes shopping trip.  I was pretty anxious this morning, but I think it went well, and while I know there is stiff competition I know that even if the ultimate goal isn't reached my action is likely to have opened some other doors for myself.

Time to get on top of my weekend, there's cleaning and lots of walking to be done.

I'm kind of freaking out.  This morning I noticed, while putting lotion on my slightly achy legs, that there is a bubble.  Upon closer inspection, she must have hit my tattoo with the laser and there is a blister type bubble over the edge of it.  Why?  WHY?  I certainly hope this doesn't cause damage to my work.  That little bit on top of the other straw had me walking into work today with so much anxiety bubbling at me. I called the doctor and she said it "shouldn't" fade it and to keep bacitracin on it and treat it like a burn, which is technically what it is.

 

I thought we had a meeting tonight too, but realized mid-afternoon that I had it in my phone as next week.  Look closer at emails and sure enough! On one hand I'm happy to not need to run somewhere tonight, on the other  and making mistakes like that just fuels some of my anxieties. Yet another anxiety shifted from one worry (not being considered for an opportunity) to another.  Yep, it looks like I'll at least be considered for the opportunity.  How do I match up.... in some ways terribly in others I think I stand out.  Who knows.  Fingers crossed and preparations started.

 

You know, I'm currently reading Rick Springfield's book.  He talks about his constant visitor, depression, and he makes it sound like a cake walk.  Am I really just that messed up?  I see the sun out there instead of rain, I definitely need to go for a nice long walk now that I don't need to run out.  Maybe that's the type of therapy I need right now.

My Sunday was not overly productive, but I did cross some little things off of the list.  At least I got a nap in and some relaxing to prepare for my week.  Once again I feel like I'm over scheduled and here it is only Monday.  I also  managed to score a nice headache today, most likely from several hours in the lab.  I left early for another appointment in Altoona and then had to immediately haul back up the hill to meet a friend for dinner.  I broke the diet once again with a drink and some sushi (rice), so I have guilt riding me too.  Factor in the stress of wondering if I'll even get a shot to be compared and then some more recent imagery that just saddens me and here I am.  Even getting to see my niecey-poo's beautiful senior pictures isn't enough to negate the other things hovering around.  I would try to cheer myself up by saying "at least it didn't snow", but instead of snow it continues to rain here, which means a nice muddy yard and rather under-exercised dogs.

I really wish there was something to dial down the volume of the voices in my head.

I was up early enough to see the first big fat snowflakes falling.  I blame the dogs... I asked for another hour and just didn't get it.

Curses!  I hit the grocery store today, snagging a bag of salad and more dried cranberries, but I neglected to pick up another bag of pecans.  I do have a little left here, so my lunch was my first salad in penance for last night's intake.

I also focused on bagging up pants, pants that are too big for me now! YAY!  If they came off w/o unbuttoning, into the bag they went.  That's a little over 20 pairs, bagged up and going away for a year.  If I don't put the weight back on and require them in a year, off to Goodwill they will go.  I need to go through sweaters and separate out those that are too baggy and those that shrunk or ended up 'off' from washing to store and dispose of too, but I'll do that another day.

I'm just happy to be spending most of my day at home with my girls... don't expect me to accomplish too much.  It's raining still, I'll eventually venture out for today's walk in said rain, eventually.