Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I've got an interesting mix of things that I wanted to comment on, so this is likely to be another one of my eclectic messages, bare with me.  First, I noticed this morning that I missed yet another text message from that which shall not be named (last evening).  I tell you, someone's girlfriend needs to keep them on a much shorter leash.  Yep, another wave of this crap.  I did think a status message on Friday was too coincidental to not be directed at me, and I did see them popping on and off messenger on the weekend.  I just wish I understood the motivation.

D's surgery went a-okay on Tuesday, she came home still a little stoned, but not acting like she's hurting.  10 stitches, so we've got a couple weeks of healing ahead of us, but it looks good.  Walked over lunch that day, I think the last of our nicer weather, since I knew I was running at night to the lia sophia meeting.  Today on the other hand there was no walking at lunch thanks to rain, and frankly, I don't think I'm doing anything tonight.  I came home early after fighting to stay awake and focused in the afternoon and took a nap, albeit a less than restful one.  Prb a bad time to take a night off of exercise since my scale actually registered lower this morning (despite having a baking fit this past weekend, explain that).

On Monday I started watching Oprah's lifeclass.  It's good stuff, it's hard to explain it, just go watch it and let's hope that I can make some personal progress.  For now I will be focusing on asking myself if it is my ego getting in the way when I start to get irritated and I know that most of that stems from my internalized fears.  Tomorrow is what would have been a 10-year anniversary.  I'm trying, really I am, but it does still sting after all of this time.  Revert back to Oprah's classes and note that I missed Tuesday night's episode on anger.  I wish I could find the full episode online, but no dice so far.

On Monday I had someone comment about something I said said that it irritated them, it immediately brought me down and made me feel like crap.  It brought me back to the 'constructive criticism' from my reviews that tell me to be better I need to not be me.  Worse still it reminded me of a friend earlier this year when they commented that they "hated when I got that way" when I got irritated about a situation.  Is it possible to change and become this completely even/level person without those spikes and peaks?  To be complacent about everything?  Clearly I have to try as it's a repeating theme with people who supposedly care about me... so it has to be something that keeps Mr. Right away.

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