Late nights earlier in the week are catching up on me. I left work on Friday and got myself ready to head out for dinner w/ the Laws, which I could have easily and inadvertantly missed thanks to my driving desire to close my eyes for a minute. When they opened back up it was 20 minutes later and I needed to get out the door. So, I did show up a bit in that fuzzy, just rolled out of bed mental state, but a quick boulevard puckertini and I was starting to get back on track.

It's been a long time since I've seen the boulevard that busy - it's kind of nice. Don stopped by to tell us of upcoming plans for the establishment such as closing in the patio and then moving an outdoor area above the current patio. Should be pretty nice when it's all done.

As always the conversation and catching up with my favorite Johnstown family was super. The kitchen was a little behind, but I still enjoyed my food.

Later in the evening I caught up with a few folks at Katie's Place, funny it still looks JUST like Doughtery's and has the same staff. We headed there to check out the band Shades of June. Crowd was small, which was good since smoke builds up like crazy in the back room of that place. My hair still stinks of smoke despite the small crowd. I was so ready to crash out when I got home... I think the only reason I remain sane right now was deciding to do something relaxing and then sleep instead of burying back into the paper again.

Of course, the paper was still waiting, so I jumped back on it this morning so I had something to put to the rest of the group including their recent feedback for the final review stages. Once my efforts were done for the time being I figured I should take advantage of the nice weather, good gas mileage in the car, and shortened list of pressing duties. Vixen and I packed up and headed down the mountain for a few hours with mom, dinner, and a game of "scrapple". Back home once again, time to check in on the feedback from the group and figure out if I can go to bed early tonight. That would be the best reward of all.

In another entry of the troubling yet transfixing... Fuse has this new show called "Dance Off Pants Off". Ok. First, get people that some human may actually want to see naked. Granted, some of the "styles" of dancing are funny as hell, but ... wow. I'm like a deer in headlights. I tune in shortly into the episode and here is what I found:

First dude, decent dancer, reasonably built... not too awful.
Second a chic w/ no boobs and no ass with the lamest blonde pigtails I've ever seen.
Third another guy, let me say this he reminded me of my ex-husband... if my ex-husband had really really really let himself go. It was troubling to see someone with the same dance style and same long gorgeous long hair as him with the beer gut he probably should have had thanks to that beer dispensing Easter gift, but I digress.
Fourth a girl was an exceedingly jiggly woman and I don't mean jiggly in terms that would normally appeal to guys, I mean the troubling type of jiggly. She was proud to announce she was full of piss and vinegar. Mmm, that gets me hot, how about you?

Yes, I just puked a little in my mouth. Thanks for making me all the more fearful of how I probably look dancing.

Next show, next channel... VH1 (yeah I'm that old) and on to "Can't Get a Date". I so should be on this show... but I certainly hope I wouldn't come across as bad as some of these, um, specimens. At least I don't post naked photos of my huge ass on the internet like the first guy does. Of course, he's only been dateless for a single year. Fear MY mad skills. A Hello Kitty pillow case and nasty ass feet. Ok, I've still got an upperhand.

At last this evening I also have something to say regarding the Carolina Hurricanes - at last they conquered the Montreal Canadiens. They're down 2-1 in the series, but at least things are now guaranteed to return to the RBC Center where hopefully the loud crowd can keep them on track.

Stupid depressing things...
1). Logging into Friendster out of boredom when I saw an update email from them saying that I can see who all has looked at my profile. (Note I joined at one point because an aquaintance somewhere along the line submitted a request for me to join.) The depressing part: "no one has viewed my profile". I guess that's beter than the realization that "only the mutants and stone age men have viewed your profile" on dating sites.
2). I've wondered where the tears were for almost a week. (They're usually easy to come by.) I guess we all get closure one way or the other. I'm sure the person who gave me the tidbit to provide me some closure will feel bad about making me cry... but don't, please? I needed to get to it and I dearly appreciate the tidbits about that one - it's all I really get.

The to do list from yesterday kept growing as I went, but I can say I not only accomplished a great deal, but I got a great nap in yesterday. I feel fabulous. So much so after church today I even mowed the front lawn, buying myself another week and a half or two until I have to pay to have it done. While it seems like a frivolous expenditure, having someone mow my lawn is money well spent. He takes the time to weed eat and sweep up perfectly, my allergies don't go insane, and I'm financing a good kid who is saving up.

I've been considering a yard sale for giggles sometime in May, so as part of my effort I've been placing some items into boxes in preparation. There are a great deal of things in the box which are tied to old memories. Items which don't bring me joy, they just remind me of the past and things lost forever. The cleaning itself does at least highlight one good thing about being single - any mess I encounter is mine and mine alone.

Time to work on a yummy dinner and get my butt outside for a walk. The new gameplan for weightloss has entered week two. Last week was a bit blown thanks to out of towners who shall remain nameless. At least I was only one effort shy of meeting my exercise requirements.

I feel like I've been a slacker lately, but it's been theraputic. I would be working on the group paper at a feverish pace today but there hasn't been any final submissions from the team, which I'm not complaining about, it supports my traditional procrastination efforts. Insead today I've been trying to accomplish some of the tasks on my to do list. The groceries are already purchased and the laundry is half way finished. Hopefully by the end of this productive day I'll also have the fish changed, the bathroom floor scrubbed, the house dusted, and the table cleaned off.

It would probably be a good idea to get some exercise in, a good wearing out of the crazy dog - and maybe a nap. You see, the past two nights have been late ones, so not only am I a bit sleepy but I also have an enthusiastic dog who is demanding attention.

Caught a movie at Westwood last evening called "Inside Man". While I hadn't heard of it prior to heading to the theatre it was a pretty decent story of a bank robbery. But this was only after the JBC happy hour for our one program. While I'm not fond of the Brewery's beer, as it tastes pretty watery to me, I always forget their home made root beer which is fabulous. A nice flavor with a hint of creaminess. Good stuff. Maybe I'll put off the to do list for a little while and do some more research on Bermuda.

The more people I meet the more lies that are shattered. So two years before it happened, when the New Orleans office had opened, you already knew where things would lead eh? While I'm pondering the recent feelings of betrayal that I've brought upon myself, the furthest from my mind was betrayals of old... but yet they rear their head when I least expect them.

In the midst of this, this evening a crew headed back to the Backdoor Cafe for yet another yummy meal. I broke from my diet quite heinously... having not only wine with dinner, but a glass of desert wine, and real desert. Dinner tonight consisted of a delightful pork chop with side dishes of both beets and artichokes. From there to the Haven. Tsk tsk. Some boys clearly don't know love... if you've got a woman and you're sitting in a bar sloshed hitting on other women you don't know it at all. Ask the guy who didn't want to go see Bourbon street or the strip club, of his own volition. He may have forgotten at some point and he may have tried to deceive me to buy into the lie he told himself, but deep inside I think he's knows the truth.

Our season ended this evening 5-3. I'll give our boys this... they didn't give up despite being in a pretty deep deficit and we pulled three goals out of nowhere in the third. Three cheers to a good season. You'll be missed this summer. I guess in the mean time I need to turn my attention to the Stanley Cup playoffs where the Canes will be starting off with Montreal.

My newest baby girl is finally at home. No, not the fuzzy kind. Instead today, after almost a year of debating I went and purchased a vehicle to help spare me from the pain of the current gas prices. I now have a cute little 4-banger Dodge Stratus (pictures forthcoming).

Today I also finished off the next round of medication from my doctor - and said to hell with it, as traditional medicine has failed, and lent is over. I can't tell you how delightful a nice cold guinness is after not being able to drink for an extended period of time. My cough feels quelled already. Cure so delightful and indulgent. Thanks to that little bit of beer I'm also quite ready to fall asleep, mayhaps this is also the cure to my recent poor sleep? I also got word today that another pair signed on for our September cruise. Ahhh pink sand.

Good to see Davey T again and to get the new vehicle a good look over before she came home, it is comforting to at least have a boy who is a friend who can play those roles, even if I have to do the bee killing for him. A-something good to see you, you know you wanted to go hang w/ us - since you love me. Even the Slipster came out! A good Monday indeed.

Robbed! The new shopping center in Altoona is getting a Barnes and Noble. At least I can go hang out in there when I head to toona to visit w/ mother dear. Speaking of which I made the trek today after going to check out a car in Davidsville. $2.85 for gas will have a Durango driving gal do that type of thing. I so wish I hadn't sold the Avenger. On the cruise front, I'm glad I have my room booked as the stateroom guarantees are now gone indicating that there isn't too many rooms left.

Last evening the Chiefs had a hard go of things with a ton of penalties flying about and losing in a tight one 3-2 out in Toledo. Tonight they're back on the Storm's ice and lost 4-1. I am pretty confident we can beat them on Wednesday in Johnstown. I just hope they know that too. Anything is a tough sell when you're facing a team that has only lost 6 games on their home ice.

Cruise room is booked for moi and my one travel buddy who was ready to commit... or was that to be committed? After a week in a room with me, probably the later. Time to get everyone else moving.

The Chiefs are headed to Toledo... sounds like a come back to be reckoned with took place out in Trenton this evening. DesRochers scores the winner with seconds remaining after a come back from being down by 3. Final score 4-3 Chiefs.

We were instead out, again, this evening. Today we had to haul for an inclined plane virgin to take their first ride. From there it is only suitable to eat at City View. Good grub as always. From there we had a quick scramble to get supplies tossed together in our feeble effort to celebrate the Chiefs win. I wonder how long it will go unnoticed.

Last night was a fab game. A bit of a nail-biter, but all the more fun to win because of it. It was a dead and small crowd for a good bit of the game. At least folks decided to take some action when things went to the fourth period and gather around the entry way to cheer. I can only hope that it helps get the guys feeling it.

We not only welcomed Joe-Joe back, but Rosey and Boots as well. Good job tying things back up Roche. Bad job hiding and not coming out in the hall. I swear - any time I wait for a reason you hide. So my new jersey remains unsigned for the time being. Tallari called us dorks, but in a nice way. Ok, close enough to a compliment coming from that odd-bird.

I've spent the day with a nice boomer of a headache. I am starting to corrolate to the fluorescents. They've always bothered me in long exposure, but having few games in the past weeks and then two headaches the days after games displeases me a bit. I'll survive, thanks to Tylenol.

Welcome back Joe Tallari! In my eyes, this is a good thing for our little playoff run. A word of advice... beware of polar bears young monkey.

It's been a pretty decent weekend thus far. Friday night, since I was at a good place with my paper, I headed out to eat with the Slipster. After a bit of driving around and trying to come up with a good idea we headed across town to try the Back Door Cafe. A bit fancier, so I felt a little out of place in my comfort dress, but we were still welcomed to a table. Interesting menu, which changes on a weekly basis - so there will be no favorite meals at this joint. The artichoke, spinach, and blue cheese dip appetizer was yummy. I also had a grilled fresh dough pizza with fennel and leek confit, which was good but needed a bit more kick, maybe some garlic (what doesn't?)

From there we headed out entertaining the ideas of something decadent at Brewsters despite the rain which has heralded spring. Could we just wait out the heavy rains for a minute when we pulled in? No - so we end up laughing our asses off, soaked, and back in the car after a quick attempt was met with sideways rain. How about somewhere with walls? So we head back to Richland and to DQ to get our dessert. While we were out running around the Chiefs were in Toledo. Unfortunately, losing 3-1.

Through my ongoing coughing I worked more on the paper Saturday morning. It is officially at the leave it sit for a day or so and review/clean up and turn in stage. That is comforting to say the least. Saturday's game was the final home game for the team. I can't believe the season is pretty much over. Summer can feel so long. Anyhow, things went to overtime and into the shootout where we fell. I still think we could have hung in there if they hadn't made the call to not allow Demo another pass on the shootout. He didn't touch the puck - so he should have gotten another pass.

After the game there was another shoot for meat. We waited for a while, watching others, and then joined the end of the line. Since SOMEONE disappeared from the ice while we were in line I had to get someone else to take the shot for me. I wanted the ham, darnit. I think I woke Mr. Wallace back up, and even though he tried to push me off on Andress *sniff sniff* he took the shot and won me a ham after a little prodding. Thanks Ben :)

Yes, it was less than a week ago I was complaining about diminishing expectations on a real vacation - but I've had time to get out of my irrational female hissy fit and here's what I've come up with.

1). If I'm good about not using a ton of vacation until July 1 I'll get paid out on some of my vacation.
2). I could select something that does not require a flight which will reduce my overall costs.
3). The proverbial carrot dangling. Scheduling something would give me something down the road to look forward to, which will help alleviate my general displeasure with the mundaneness of daily life. A distraction if you will.
4). It should be a relaxing one. Yes, something a little bit slower paced than the things I traditionally do on vacation which leave me tired for a week after returning.

(Image courtesy of Lonely Planet)

So here is what I've found. The invite is open to all, it would be fun to get a group on this ship, particularly since it is so small. Empress of the Seas is the smallest of RC's ships, and in a class of it's own, so it should be different from the others I've experienced thus far. Two stops in bermuda, both being overnight stops adding another element of different from other cruises I've taken. You'll notice this even fits my 2nd criteria, as I can just drive to Philly for departure. At around $85 a day for accomodations, meals, and nightly entertainment you can't beat it. The only thing that makes me hesitate is that it is an older ship, but it went refurbishing in 98, and I've seen some threads talking about additional work that took place this year. So... if all goes well, pink sand beaches here I come.

I feel better already. It's been a year since I've been there. Forgot how hot the physician's assistant is. Of course I also now have the benefit of an inhaler medication that I then need to rinse my mouth after or... get this - it kills off the good bacteria, so if I bit someone they'd need antibiotics. Trust me, I'll use this little fact to ward people off here at work.

Am I mad? Well, yeah in a way I suppose I am. I'm not too thrilled to think someone would corrolate "I will survive" to be my song. Especially someone who knows nothing about me, but I guess that's by design. I'm not surviving, at least it doesn't feel like it. I guess languishing on is surviving in some way.

I'm mad that I have some desire to speak to someone that I know it's best to just stay clear of. I'm mad that there is a reason some people don't want me near other people, as though I'm a threat, but yet I know I'm not. I'm mad that I wait to get a goodbye before I get a hello. I'm mad that I get an attempted goodbye and I can't even look in your eye. I'm mad that I'm socially inept more often than not. I'm mad that while I may be preferred over other tablemates I'm still not good enough to be more than a shadow in other people's worlds. I'm mad that the little things are easily forgotten, it's a small request really, and I'm sure it's gone from the mind. I'm mad that I cry so much. I'm mad that I never seem to be able to sleep. I'm mad that I can't relive the things and times I'd like another shot at. I'm mad that I can't learn from my past regrets and try to change my present. I'm mad that it's been two years since I've had someone in my life - I'm really mad that it's been three years since I had someone in my life that I thought love went both ways with - I'm insanely mad that I was wrong on that last one and I still don't see what I missed all that time. I'm mad (read crazy, not angry) about the one I can't have.

"So I turn, to run. The thought of all the stupid things I've done. -Coldplay"

Time for a movie review, or two. Earlier this weekend I watched Donnie Darko, a movie handed to me in a rather apprehensive way by a coworker. He and another coworker had decided I would like it, but he acted as though he was afraid something in the movie might offend me. Quite the contrary, I liked it. Frank, the 6 foot evil looking rabbit? - He made me giggle. One movie that reminds you all that you shouldn't think some of us are nuts, maybe we are in a way, but maybe things are just the way they have to be for a reason. Farscape meets Mulholland Drive. Thumbs up.

Today I ventured to the theatre. Let me say this first, Richland Cinemas needs to recognize that they're fortunate to have a new building and to be the only pony in town. Please clean the freaking place and try to keep it up so it doesn't turn into the dump that the old building was. Blah. Popcorn everywhere, nasty sticky crap on the floor, and paper crammed in the cup holders. It's just as nasty as the last iteration. But since my preferred theatre doesn't get flicks I want to see often I went there none the less. Failure to Launch was amusing, not bad. It did make my cry however during the contrived scene with the dog being put to sleep, go figure.

I rewarded myself with the movie because I've been a good egg working to get some thoughts down and more information organized for my paper. Must really buckle down now however. Tomorrow will be a loss as it is party time. I'm ill prepared there too, as I haven't picked the right top and most of my themed costume is up in the air at this point. Do I really have to go to work tomorrow?

Late yesterday I had a meeting to discuss my current goals and direction for my career in general. I'm rather proud that I stood up for myself noting my near 10 years experience and my desire to get myself aligned for a promotion if at all possible next year when I finish my masters degree. I guess after talking with the financial advisor and realizing that I still feel like I have nothing and still make less than I did six years ago got me a bit fired up. It's easier when I can just wander numbly through my days, at least I am not as frustrated with my current station in life at such points. We'll see what comes of the discussion, if anything. I won't hold my breathe however.

So today I then get my gas bills for the house... and promptly removed e-billing which has prevented me from seeing how much has been building up under the budget billing that I've been paying. So suddenly I owe them $190 for the apartment and $190 for the house this month. Not AWFUL, right? Well, if you consider the running bill for the apartment alone is over $600 because they've only had me paying $25 a month you'd be more inclined to think it's not a good thing. Yes, my own fault for not logging in often, but they should send more information in the e-bill, not just "here's your budget amount". Needless to say the prospect of $400 a month for the next several months going into the gas company to put that back down at zero does not please me. It also eliminates any grand ideas I may have entertained for a vacation this year. Maybe my early summer vacation should be just a few days off around here - getting things done about the house and relaxing at home and at my mom's. I'm quite sick of being a one income household. I really got spoiled having a second responsible adult around.

The boys beat the Bombers last night. On to Wheeling today. I had entertained thoughts of going for the game at one point, but between my need to get my butt in gear with my class and my displeasure with recent comments made toward me I no longer have a burning desire to go.

After an excessively long afternoon nap (I still feel like crap with the cough, headache etc) I guess I need to find my paper motivation. Keep your fingers crossed that a hot little muse will show up - and soon.