I allowed Dani and Saf to sleep with me last night. Without Vix there I woke up on my own before the alarm, and as twisted as it is, I truly missed hearing her calling out (way too early) for a potty trip and her breakfast. My eyes were pretty crusted over and puffy this morning, but I was doing okay until I got the call saying her remains are back at the vet for me to pick up. At least she's coming home again quickly.

Saf seemed agitated last night before bed and cried a couple of times. I'm not sure if it was because cousin has gone home, if she was uncertain of where Vix was, or if it was because I was clearly upset. Like only Saffy can do she stood staring at me and trying to lick my face on numerous occasions.

Vixie Lynn or Vixen, Pumpkin, Sweet Pea, Little one...
Born February 28, 1999 I brought her home just before moving to the house I'm currently in, so I'm sure right at 8 weeks, since the house was bought in April 1999.  I've come to terms with the fact that Vixen was born of a back yard breeder, how little I knew and understood back then.  But she's definitely had a longer and healthier life than her sister Satin did, and she came from a reputable breeder.

Vixen was mostly black and white with the little bit of brownish on her legs and these little spots on her head that almost had a dark red to them if you were in the sunlight.  She was bi-eyed, brown on the left, blue on the right.  She was a right-tailed puppy.  That's a term I've made up based on the direction her tail curled when up and flipped over towards her back.  When she was young she had a dark mask, raccoon eyes with streaks down her nose.  As she grew older, like most siberians, the darkness faded... for a while it was more like eyeliner, and in her old age, barely some black there.

When I went to get Vixen:

• They led to a barn which at first seemed empty.  But after a moment the little feet all came toddling out and there was a mass of them attacking shoelaces and getting under foot.
• Her daddy picked out a pup which we took to the house to do some paperwork.  The lady tending to selling the puppies quickly realized he had picked up a boy, which was not our plan, so he headed back to the barn on his own to select another - our Vixie.  (How he didn't notice the distinct difference is beyond me.)
• On the drive home it quickly became clear that she had just stuffed some food down (as would be standard for Vixen through the years - this girl loved her food as much as her mummy).  Apparently, telling the ex that "the dog is going to yack - pull over" didn't make sense.  Seems clear to me, but what do I know.  His truck, right?  Well, she barfed, right into my hand filling it to the brim with partially puffed up dog food.
• Her name was to be Lace (thus Satin and Lace), but her daddy kept slipping up and calling her Vixen, which was a name given to a little black mouse I had while in college.  We decided to roll with her destiny and Vixen it became.

When she was little:

• Vixen loved her big sister so completely and wanted to be with her at all times.  If the ex took Satin for a walk, Vix would cry.  So, on occasion I'd try to walk with her but her little legs simply could not keep up, so I'd have to pick her up as we walked.  Heck, my legs couldn't keep up either, so we were a bit behind often, where Vix would try to stand and lean forward in my arms to just get a little closer.
• Satin would try to scarf up all of the food so much so she was gaining weight, so I had to take to feeding Vixen separately which often meant on my lap on the couch.  I'm pretty sure this is what turned food into meaning love to Vixen, thus furthering her life long obsession with her food.
• She was lanky for a while and we joked she had limbs like her daddy.
•  The first thing that grew to her adult size was not her feet like many dogs, but instead her tongue, which always seemed to be dangling out of her mouth.

Over the years:

• Vixen loved her food so much she was good at bringing a bowl to you to point out that it was empty - often dropping it on your feet, you learned to move them quickly.  As time moved on and I found bowls that weren't so easy for her to move around she'd just take to telling you in any way she could.  You'd think there was a clock inside that one - she KNEW when it was time for breakfast or dinner.
• We didn't always eat twice a day, but switched to it when Vixen started eating grass every day after work and making herself yack.  We realized that she just needed a little in the morning to keep this at bay.
• She was never much of a cuddler.  If you would allow her on the bed she'd only give you her butt, laying sideways and taking up way too much space.
• Vix always had issues on and off with her ears (infections or gunk building up), when you'd rub her ears she'd lean in and grunt - it clearly felt good.
• I remember the ex's sister telling her she didn't like her, which broke my heart.  Everyone loved Satin, Vixen was the less good looking, less intelligent younger sister, but she was always a good kid.
• At the house in NC she liked sitting on the edge of the couch, feet hanging over the arm rest crossed, looking out the window watching people walk along the sidewalk.
• She didn't learn as many tricks as her sister, but she joined in on Satin's tricks.  Vixen learned sit, down, and paw.  She'd never roll over but when we'd convince Satin to roll over Vix would jump over her - eyes always on the prize - food!
• She was always a challenge to walk, Vixen was a tremendous puller, I think she would have loved to learn how to drag a sled.  I tried a variety of collars and working with her to no avail.  You and your shoulder had to be ready if you were going to take Vix for a walk, even in her later days.
• Vixen always liked ducks... toys that is.  Anything duck, that was meant for her.
• Vixen hated water, which translated to baths being a nightmare.  She even kicked out the tub surround at one point.  You'd definitely come out with your arms and legs feeling like you just finished a hella workout.  When we'd take her and Satin to Bond Lake in NC Satin would swim, but Vix would only wade out no higher than mid-arm.  If she took a step and went in too far for her liking she'd come running back up with a look on her face like the water tried to eat her.

As she grew older:

•  After Satin passed she was definitely mourning the loss, but Vixen was never great with other dogs and having Danika join the family was no exception.  It took a while with lots of frustration but we eventually decided to try some medication for thyroid to see if it would turn things around.  While she and Danika were never best buds, they did at least come to a mutual agreement, and things eventually progressed enough that Saffy could engage Vixen to play and run a bit in the yard.
• I don't remember when it first started, but years ago a lump started to form on Vix's stomach.  We (the vet and I) were never certain if it was a fatty tumor or if her spay incision herniated, but she had a large 'growth' for lack of better word on her stomach for the last so many years.  It never seemed to bother her, but that's probably the worst of her health issues through the years.
• She had a lump on her leg that she left alone for the most part, until the staff at the vet tried to clean it up a little bit.  From that point on she kept licking at it and it seemed to grow a bit.
• Shortly after she turned 16 another bump started to form on her left side over her ribs.
• In more recent years a fogginess took to her eyes, which the vet said was cholesterol and there wasn't a notable vision loss, except less night visibility which was easily mitigated by giving her some extra light to navigate stairs.
• Her hearing was in question for a little while too.  There were days I'd get the whole way to her asleep in her bed and she would startle awake looking at me like "how did you get here!" but then other days where the sound of a treat bouncing on the floor didn't go unheard.  I think she just tuned me out.
• Towards the end she began to struggle on the stairs, moving very slowly up, and often resisting even the best encouragement to go, so we'd have to head in and outside through the basement door. I'd have to think that her belly got in the way, it was simply that large.
• Most groomers wouldn't touch her because of her age, so trying to brush her out was all I could do to keep her from looking neglected and she disliked that too - so her tolerance of this activity was limited to 5 minutes here and there.
• She spent many of her later days in slumber. 

This past few weeks:

• There were a few breakfasts that didn't get eaten right away.  I always said I'd know something was wrong if she didn't want to eat.
• Even though it's not winter, she was pottying on the deck more regularly rather than going down the 4 stairs to the yard.
• She'd pace back and forth on the deck when I called her from the basement door, like she wasn't sure of what to do and/or afraid to come down the stairs, but she had no issue doing so if you were beside her.
• She walked into the glass back door twice not realizing it was closed.
• I've caught her standing staring like she's off somewhere else, even once standing behind the basement door instead of going through it, as it was open.

I've gone back and forth on this for the past few months, the last month being even more pressing.  I did realize I needed to make the call this past Saturday.  Last night my niece and I took her for a nice long walk, and she wasn't pulling even early on.  Her one foot seemed to drag periodically, and her big growth on her belly just swayed back and forth.  There was a quarter pounder for dinner too.  Tonight was another short walk w/ Aunt Beff and some moist food and treats.  While I didn't make the decision to let her go easily, I admit that I kind of prayed she would have a heart attack after the walk last night, or something - that she would go on her own, rather than by my decision.

Ultimately, I sustained a life from a puppy to over 16 years.  It blows my mind both that I managed to do well enough to keep her healthy this long but also that she was relatively healthy for her entire life.  She, and this house, were the last two remaining things that originated from a different time in my life.  It adds another layer as I say goodbye to Vix.

She will be joining Satin, as she too will receive an individual cremation and will get her own container to sit beside her sister. Until I see you at rainbow bridge Vixie.  You were a good girl and I love you.

2/28/1999 - 6/29/2015

No infection.  A few things noted, but nothing too abnormal, on my other test.  Nothing that should cause the slight discomforts.  So I guess the answer is deal with it for now as other options would be more invasive, to look for things I can't really do anything about.  I'm getting old.  It is what it is.

On other sad news, I've scheduled an appointment for Vixen.  It's not how I want things to go.  I'd rather come home and find her peacefully passed in her own bed suddenly.  She's to the point where she smells like she's rotting.  She has really agitated the growth on her leg and while the hot spot seems to have healed up the other spot on her shoulder is still all gross looking.  The other growth on the side of her chest is distinct.  All she does is sleep (and pee in the basement).  She's 16y 4m, but I still feel like a jerk.

As to not end on a downer, I'll also say that I've been enjoying my visit with the girl child.  We've been eating way too much and I've gained weight.  We also headed down to Thunder last night for what is appearing to be the only nice weather it is likely to have this weekend (it's 59 degrees and raining right now).  The Alex Meixner band was playing, so that was enough encouragement for me to venture into the mess.  She got to gawk at lots of bikes, we wandered a few stores, we listened to the band, and we got to visit with the Laws.

Derp of the day:
I called the place I typically get blood draws performed because I have an order for a urinalysis and the website does not indicate that they do the collections there. I asked if they do urinalysis and the girl says Yes, so I note it wasn't on the website. She then proceeds to say "do you know behind Walmart..." I cut her off saying "yes, I know where you are, I come there for blood work, but the website didn't indicate you did urinalysis collection, so I wanted to make sure before I stopped by". Her reply "oh yeah, same thing". Honey, urinalysis and blood work are not the same thing.

I'm sure you're wondering why a urinalysis - we're just trying to rule out UTI or bladder infection as I am having some slight pain down in that direction. Nothing to worry about, I don't think, but I do intend to preserve the factory as long as possible.

Last night girl-child and I watched Gone Girl. She had watched before. Good flick - but I nailed it when she asked what I thought happened mid-way through the movie. It was a bit long and the ending is not of the type I prefer. Thanks for the free weekend of HBO and Skin-a-max DTV :)

My favorite Egg was in for the weekend.  I ran to a Davey T auction down the road on Friday night before he arrived just to check out an estate sale and to see how they worked.  Then Saturday morning my Egg and I went to another down in Seward, from where I came home with a new toy.

The big excitement for the weekend however was a mess in the garage and to a MUCH lesser degree in one part of the basement.  I learned I need to trust my intuition more.  In the past week I had a moment where I thought "gee, I can't believe I haven't heard that sump pump go - I hope it's working right".  Well guess what?  The rain REALLY came down on Saturday evening.  As such the ground water raised enough that without that sump running it bubbled up and over the sump pump tank, a few seams/cracks, and where the old drain pipes were closed up.  We changed out the extension cord as it seemed like it wasn't making an awesome connection for whatever reason.  It ran but then seemed to hang up again.  I guess we had pumped it enough to catch the float up against the wall, so it was just a quick adjustment we've been running since - much to Danika's pleasure, since she enjoys playing in the water spray out back.  *yay*  Yeah, she needed the mud washed off of her feet last night.

My honey also brought me a beautiful new piece of art for my wall in celebration of our one year together.  It is a heart print where the heart is put together of red/orange/yellow/white sea glass.  Quite pretty!  It has taken its place on the living room wall where an old poster type print was.  I had mentioned wanting to find something a little more fancy to go here and he listens all too well.  Matter of fact, I realized that I even helped pick out the frame the last time I was down to visit.  Sneaky boy.  I took us to RJ's Cafe downtown on the Wild One's suggestion for dinner on Friday - it was _really_ good!

Now tonight I will be sad that he has had to return home, but less than often as very soon I go to get the girl child from the local airport!

Yesterday was all about appointments, so I have time to make up at work. First there was a laser hair removal appointment that went way longer than it should due to issues with the laser. Then after I left I realized we didn't hit the front part of my upper legs due to the issues and jumping around to my armpits etc out of order to make sure we could get them done should the machine stop functioning all together. I really am not fond of the way this office handles things (everything from pricing to trying to get you scheduled again in a month to who actually executes the treatment and how). Given that an area was missed I'm thinking how this gets resolved may be a make or break for them.

Then I headed straight to my eye doctor appointment (I wouldn't have had time to sit around longer at the previous place because of this). Good news is my right eye has gotten better and doesn't need correction at all. My left eye has remained the same. I am replacing my oldest pair of glasses and shifting my work ones home to be my night/driving glasses. Good golly I feel old just typing that.

I did get to do some work yesterday, but then headed out for my after work massage appointment, which was very due. I made sure to schedule another one for right after the auction because I am sure I'll need it.

This morning I woke to a message from my sister, and I learned that my cousin has lost one of her teenage children in a car accident. It's so sad to hear things like this with young kids. Many prayers for them.

I did get moving and to church this morning.  After, I sweated it out and finished things up in the apartment.  The windows are washed and the shelf I bought for in the closet is put together.  There are two more things off of my to do list!

I'm not so patiently waiting for potatoes to cook so I can mash them to go with my pork roast.  I brought back some of Mom's homemade broth from her freezer that is helping this meal along and added in some homemade kraut from Davey T.

I never did get that nap yesterday, and one doesn't look promising today either.  After I eat it's time to get on some cleaning on this side of the wall.  At least there is central air over here - and right now that is a must.  I should make another run to Richland Cemetery to collect more photos as I finished processing the last set, but unless it starts to cool as the sun goes down that isn't happening.  Even less likely is getting out for a walk or jog.

Also, I have a couple of the small cherry sized tomatoes starting to ripen!  I'm so excited.

I ran to Egg's house here in town last night before the storms rolled in and tended to hedges there.  At least one place is covered now - I feel like I need to run between three of them and I'm big time behind at two.

The new computer came, but I cannot get the two computers to see one another on the network.  This creates a bit of a challenge in moving all of my data.  So - I finally buckled and bought the external hard drive that I've had sitting on my wish list for over a year.  I can use that to move data and to create a backup (in theory - hopefully I won't have a problem getting that to work - it looks like the old computer has a v2.0 USB which should work with the one I ordered).

Today I went to the work picnic.  It was nice, a bit humid, but overcast, so the temps were deal able.  It remains a nice event for people with kids.  Back in the day it was nice to go and sit and talk with a huge crew of people and have fruity beverages.  It was nice to spend time with the Wild ones, don't get me wrong, but it feels more like watching to see who else has popped out even more kids or who is pregnant.

As of late it seems like everything piles up on one day.  For example, this coming Tuesday has three appointments.  MEH.  This would be manageable, if I didn't want to also bank some hours for the following week.  I've ended up w/ three things for next weekend too - so I am trying to get one of them covered by someone else.  I need longer weekends and a need for less sleep.  Speaking of - I should be getting stuff done here, but I think I am going to attempt to take a nap before I lose my mind.

My head and throat were good this morning after I wised up and turned on the air purifier after crawling into bed and starting to feel the boom in my head from laying down. I don't know why I don't think to use my air purifier more often. The noise of it running doesn't keep me awake or anything.

While my to do list remains longer than I'd like I did cross a few things off last night. First, the newly added task of backing more stuff up because I'm a slacker. Hundreds of photos that weren't previously backed up have made their way to my shutterfly account (thank you very much faster internet connection).

Then I headed outside to tend to some weeds and low hanging branches. The evil clingy vine was really trying to take over a tree along the back property line. Not only did I pull down the vine but I even abused it until I was able to get some of the thicker feeders out of the ground and pried off of the tree. There are three large dog food bags full of these clippings to the curb and many branches added to my neighbor's pile. Sorry, but if you're going to pile ALL of the clippings from that property right near my fence so I get to look at them all the time I am absolutely going to add clippings from your trees that are hanging onto my property to said pile.

Finally, I washed my sheets and remade the bed just in time to wipe out. I only gave myself a few minor scratches and one sore spot on the top of the head from bonking myself while trying to cut back a stubborn branch.

I'm going to whine again, sorry...
I left work with a headache, but at least some of the other issues had subsided.  I wanted nothing more than to come home and maybe lay down for a little while.  Instead I was dumb enough to allow a Windows update w/ 7 things.  I've been trying to get my computer functioning again ever since.

I am LOOOONG overdue for a new computer.  For years I've been saying I need to buy a new one.  My keys are half worn through, the cd drive rarely works the way it should, dumb things happen with it.  So, even though I'm most of the way back up I went ahead and clicked through since I was fortunate enough to find a Dell that still comes with Windows 7.  I guess I'll be loosing another evening to get everything moved over and figuring out what I need to do in order to get my licenses for MalwareBytes and Office onto the new machine.  I guess I could just cough up for the newer version of Office since work has a good deal on it.

Dear World, this is your warning.  Please stay back 200 yards.

My bed is all I want right now.  My sinuses are going haywire giving me a headache, slightly sore throat (from draining), and a delicate nose that if messed with too much is likely to bleed.  I'm cramped and bloated and all I want to do is eat, when I know I need to do the exact opposite.  No, I don't want to chat, I certainly don't want to hear about your problems, I don't want to sit at a desk all day, I just want to eat, sleep, and maybe cry a little.

I had a nice enough weekend but it ended too fast.  There was food I shouldn't eat (chic fil-a), an evening out at a comedy show, a graduation party, and some quality time together.  As a result, the girls took their first (and second) ride in the new vehicle.  It feels like a complete destruction of it when the first tainting of fur and slobber occurs.

I'm in a mood at the moment. I know I'm taking innocent comments to imply things they weren't intended to.  I know that those thoughts are spiraling into other emotions of inferiority and doom.  It's just unbelievable how hard it is to shake a bad mood sometimes, even if you know it is all in your head.

Fortunately tonight's dinner was a sammie - quick and easy.  I got my allergy shot and filled up the gas tank, which put me home a little later.  I was then working outside around Serafina to put the new liners in the back seat and cargo area when I prompty toppled over myself crashing to the ground.  I'm already aching a bit from it.  It should be interesting to see the bruises that result.  I wonder if any of the neighbors got to witness that show.

The liner for the back seat seems to fit quite well.  But I guess we'll see how well it stays in place with the dogs in there.  At least the leather should be protected.  As to the cargo liner I should have gotten the XL one as the edge flaps lay flat on the cargo area.  Compared to the Durango, the Kia is smaller, so I wouldn't have expected to need an XL for it.  Oh well, I guess I'll keep the tarp back there to help support the sides. At least everything showed up today.  The delay in Amazon shipping them had me quite worried they wouldn't arrive before I needed to transport beasts.

Next it was time to inventory the apartment, fix a couple of loose drawers there, and then run to Home Depot after realizing a bracket on a mini blind over there was broken.  This of course meant all of the weight was resting on the other side and pulling the whole piece of trim away from the wall.  *sigh*  I made my attempt at a fix, replacing the bracket, and attempting to use a longer screw to secure all of it to the wall behind, but of course I managed to strip the screw before I got it the whole way in.

I also picked up some wood screws as to better secure the railing on the small front porch for the deck and the railing on my basement stairs.  Since my first would-be elderly person fall was a few years ago on those basement stairs, I guess it's only fitting that I make sure the railings are secure, since I'm clearly at risk of breaking a hip in the near future.

Today's the day - Autumn goes to her new home after work. Last night I took her for our last ride, to the grocery store and to get her some gas. I know it's a little crazy to name your car and become attached, but I do. Many perceive me to be stern and cold, but I'm a huge softy just under the surface - even for inanimate objects. Thank you Miss Autumn for keeping me safe for the past 12 years. Here ends one of the longest relationships of my lifetime thus far.