So, I have some things on my mind lately. Nothing I can really put into solid thoughts much less words on my blog just yet. Just suffice it to say that I do think I probably have avoided the very thing I claim to want... at least so I suspect based upon some of my recent fears and confusion.

So two big topics for today:
1). I got a call - from a head hunter today, actually it appears to be an
HR person in a fairly local company. Which to me s a huge comfort of oddness. While as of late I've felt pretty content (strange, I know) there is of course the fact that this is a pretty crappy market. I've also forgotten what it was like to have head hunters calling after spotting my resume. I can't say enough for how good that makes one feel.

2). I'm on the quest for a dress. Ugh. I hit two dress stores, Ross, TJ Maxx, and all of the department stores at the mall this evening and came up empty handed. I don't know why I torture myself so much for the Christmas party. Why does it matter so friggin much?

The rumors have danced around for several years, but each time they were shot down saying no, they'll stay. But alas... my beloved Value City here in Johnstown is slated to close. Major suckage. This, Steve and Barry's, ... I'm going to slowly become naked as all of my clothes wear out.

Brownies! I want brownies. Did you ever have that sudden and strong urge for something evil, but not just anything evil, something very specific. After tearing apart the three places that I keep cake, brownie, and muffin mixes I came up empty handed. I am OUT of brownie mix. One knows that it is a hormonal urge, no, let's call it a rage, hormonal rage, when the 10 other chocolatey delights that I can make seem to be a let down. No, I am not devastated enough to go out in the cold weather (we actually had flakes that manifested into a light white covering) to get a brownie mix - the triple chocolate cake is baking as I type.

Make that four. So, does that start another set of three?

...and then there were three. I don't know why deaths always seem to happen in threes, but it makes me wonder. I found about the first just days ago when a college roommate's brother passed in the line of duty, then another friend's grandmother passed this weekend with cancer, and finally my professor posted apologizing for grading delays due to his sister passing from cancer. Sadly hearing of the third allows a relaxing breath to pass through my lips. I know it is just superstition, but it does get me somewhat.

Worse still these things also seem to happen more often around the holidays. As such, I'll take this time to wish everyone I know a safe and happy holiday for your families and ask you to offer a little prayer of protection for everyone you care about too.

I've officially reached an all time low - I am even putting off things I WANT to do. I had wanted to go see Saw V yesterday, but allowed my nap to linger and then just vegged finishing additional loads of laundry instead. Today, the thought was fleeting, heck I couldn't even work up the motivation to throw in a DVD that I want to watch, but I did get all of the laundry away, vacuuming complete, and module 7 submitted.

Now what? Why if I am looking for things to do in the realms of cleaning am I not embracing the thoughts that continue to float through my head? I could get my butt on the treadmill, but no. Maybe I could buckle in and get the spare room organized, but no. I'll blame it on being semi-pmsy and just go chase the dogs around the yard for a bit. The sun is out after all, that's pretty rare.

So, who would Jesus vote for? You'd think that was the question at hand. I got my first Christmas card already... yea, I'm serious. Of course it came from one of the more uber-religious relatives. On the outside stickers about abortion and an insert about the importance of voting. Because I am not already sick of all of the political poo now I get stuff that hints that the only issue to vote on is pro-life? C'mon, that is even more idiotic than voting straight down a political line.

I'm trying to power through all of the laundry today, but other than that I think I am just going to chill, maybe take a nap. Rainy weather = nappy time and lovin it.

At long last we had a Halloween themed jersey. Of course, here I am high and dry w/o a standard purchase this year... so I was left to ask guys if they were jerks or not. Heaven knows I don't want a jerk's jersey. :) So, I have Robinson's and it is already turning in the washer to banish the hockey funk.

I think my belated strike was successful, but I have my reservations and uncertainties, but I guess that's just me. Maybe it's because it's so different from how they normally behave... time will tell.

Shame. SHAME! If the Pens had played all three periods the Canes would have lost 9-1. Sigh.

Cold, windy, very pre-winter... yes, we've skipped that real autumn feeling. I tried last night and this evening to nap after work with very little success. Last night the phone rang roughly four times, then when someone knocked at the door I gave up and left, heading to the bar to get some quiet. Tonight my attempts were foiled by my wide awake mind instead of the phone. So off in another feeble attempt to find Christmas gifts. I found a few small things, but I didn't manage to shake off my thoughts.

Done! DONE!
After chilling last night and avoiding my paper while sitting around chatting half awake and half asleep on Friday night I buckled in today and cranked the rest of the paper out. I got it turned in just in time to get myself ready to head out to the first home game of the season - oh happy day!

The team didn't pull this one out, but it was nice to relax and know I had things wrapped up here. I was a bit tired and not at 110%, especially after learning we have pseudo-cheerleaders *hiss* so I didn't get as brave as I would have liked, but I at least made mild attempts. I'll never be one of those brave gals -it frustrates me, but I remain trapped by it.

Things are finally coming together on several fronts that have drug on for quite a while:

1. The pink diamond: a new diamond, a bit smaller but way higher quality has replaced the one that had a bit of an issue. The good news is it will fit in the existing ring/setting that I already bought!

2. The porch: I had my meeting with Richland Twp this evening and was granted a variance to the front property line setback! As such, I will be able to get my exterior work underway in the near term and that beautiful new front door will see the light of day.

3. The paper: I have some assemblance of content at this point, but we all know my pattern - I take as long as I have and fret the whole time.

4. The approach: I didn't mention it from this past weekend, for fear I might jinx it, but I'm getting warm vibes from someone I pondered as an option the last time I saw them. I guess we'll see how things go this coming weekend.

The day started w/ a dog event: Vix's stomach clearly was troubled all night as she had me up at 3:30 and 5:30... so it is my fault that later in the morning she was wandering about while I continued to rest and she had some issues inside that I had to clean up.

In between there was hockey and a stop at the 'Bi where I had a drink and some deep fried delights that I was craving in the good company of Rex and Mithy. I got some reading done before the game and during intermissions, so I should be ready to get more classwork done tomorrow.

The day ended w/ a dog event: so I come back from the hockey game, I knew I should have moved the box back where it was at the bottom of the basement stairs. But since I didn't, Danika moved it... out into the middle of the floor where she proceeded to shred it and toss the beer bottles that were in it every which way. Gladly she didn't manage to cut paws on the broken glass, but there was plenty for me to clean up and a rich smell of beer wafting up the basement stairs.

I looked at the living room and said, let there be trim... and lo, hence came the god of Beer and goddess of Caulk and made it so. I can't tell you how complete the trim makes the living room look. Thank you to the god and goddess, their wee pie and cookie machine, and to the big God for granting me bitching friends that would give up 5 hours on a Friday night slaving past midnight to put trim in someone else's home. I most definitely owe them some sore muscles in the effort of taking down a garage or moving heavy crap.

Considering I was tired at 2pm yesterday, I slept like the dead last night. Today I woke and lounged for a little while longer before heading to start the clean up and reorganization of the living room. I definitely owe the world pictures now.

Tonight is the home preseason game... hockey is here at last, but I admit my heart isn't where it should be. Well, time to get back to my Saturday household cleaning (and putting things "back" from where my mother hid them away during her two day visit).

Dear Asshat,

I tried to extend the olive branch in such a small way and you outright rejected it. I will remind you that you are the one that f*cked _me_ over (a great f*cking btw, I can relive it in my mind at the drop of a dime). To this day you remain someone that crosses my mind at least once a day... love it or hate it, I know there is no way you can purge me either.

So where are you working now? Did you find someone special there so the other foot can drop? Tick tock tick tock... not much time left before history repeats itself.

So I'm sitting here thinking... if moths like lights so damn much, why don't they come out during the day instead of at night? So I do what any normal person would do - I google it. The dumbed down answer: It turns out they like the moon and get confused. Um. Der. Better known as being positively phototactic.

There is nothing like the prospect of a visiting mother to get ones butt in gear. The spare bedroom is going to be inhabitable once again as soon as the sheets are out of the wash. Now if only I could find the motivation to deal w/ the other room in preparation for the "great bed upgrade 2008".

In the course of cleaning up the spare room I finally got to pulling out my winter clothes and sorting things to take another load to goodwill. Gotta make sure I get those write offs! Purging is so incredibly theraputic. I really wish I could just suck it up and take a ton more stuff and recognize that I will NEVER have the yard sale I know I should have - that would clear out the second upstairs room, no?

Ok, time to get a shower (yes, I worked up a sweat cleaning) and get back on top of my case study. Hey, at least it's started!

Today it finally feels like hockey season, unfortunately, it was because I had to scrape my windshield this morning. Boo.

Lad-dee-friggin-PA-da! So I had gotten my panties all in a twist with the thought of getting a hedgehog. They're so friggin cute and sweet little handfuls. Well, now after a small amount of research on them and their needs, I have come to find that they are illegal to have as pets here in PA. WTF is up w/ that?

Ok, back to reading, but instead of about hedgehogs, my class assignments - as it should be.

So my day/week starts w/ me forgetting my laptop. I'm a DBK. Chin up. Lots to do. *big smile*

So, yea, I woke up at 7 yesterday and was back in bed by 2am... I then slept to 10am and got up and attempted to hit a practice that didn't happen. Talk about starting the day off with a grump. I managed to get a few things accomplished like the a posting for my class and another assessment, as well as my routine sunday shopping run during which I found replacements for the lumpy couch pillows. I also found a good gift for Christmas today, one of those single buys to cover someone entirely. From there I headed off to a surprise birthday party and enjoyed some quality chat.

You know, once again there is a guy who is just an oddity - seems perfect on paper, but also seems a bit wishy washy. Eh, I probably shouldn't even look in that direction, not only does he break several of the main molds I would form to create the perfect man, but he is not likely to be unlike many of the others I find myself attracted to.

Regardless, I did my best to cheer myself up today and was doing pretty darn good until mum drug me back down quickly in a telephone call. I don't know why we have to talk about stuff I cannot control and things that are said and done. All it does is upset me. Let's just let done be done.

I've also made myself proud by saying no multiple times. I am tired of being at beck and call for people that only see fit to meet their own desires for companionship. I guess it is easier to do after how angry and shunned I felt last week. The distance, physical and emotional, makes it all the more easy. Oh, and as to attempting to heal some old wounds, I've reached out - I've tried to be the friend but have had my extended olive branch met with silence.

Today I am the jerk who missed plans... instead I am well rested. I just rolled myself fully out of bed. Dreamland was just more entertaining than the things of my daily life. That's pretty wrong, huh.

Icky and cold... that pretty much sums it up. Of course from here out, for the next few weeks, I'll be cold - AND - lonely. My sidekick had her last funky-footed hurrah last night at 4 Corners and a last meal (with important ol' me) today at lunch. I guess it ensures me more time to read, which heaven knows I have plenty of to do.

A wee bit of funny came in the form of a few MP3s I downloaded today including "Cars with the Boom" and "Boom I got your girlfriend" they're so cheesy, but I love those songs - geez I feel old.

As for tonight, I went for my massage even though my shoulder has been feeling quite good as of late, formatted my case study and final paper templates, and started dinner. Yeah, it's a late meal, but it should fuel me through a chapter or two - I hope.