As much as early last year saw all too much death and passing - this year I am already aware of two friends who lost a family member due to suicide.  There just aren't words.  It doesn't make sense.  I can't imagine being in such a state and yes, I have struggled in years past with my own flavors of depression.  I look back many years to people I know who had someone close to them choose the same path and I see how much it, pardon my bluntness, but how much it messed those people up.  We're talking relationship problems and stability/common sense lost in very smart and vibrant people.

I just pray to see much less of this around me and the people I know.  I pray that I would see or hear any cries for help made in my presence.  I pray that anyone that is in that struggle finds the strength to fight and to get the help they need.

I turn to my upbringing as a Catholic and I struggle.  Is it a mortal sin?  Do these people go to hell?  I can't imagine anyone who chooses this path being well mentally and they are absolutely being tortured by something inside.  How does He see all of this?  That is my struggle today as this confusion gives me pause when I want to say with confidence "you'll be reunited one day".  Forgive my questioning - I seek to understand.