Dear VP Biden,

I'm pretty sure if someone is breaking into your house (meaning they've gotten past your hired protection *you're welcome for that*) that "stepping out onto the balcony" and firing two shots from your double-barreled shot gun probably won't be sufficient to scare the individual(s) off and ensure your protection.

 

For me this is definitely not an option.  Not only am I lacking an additional layer of security to aid in my protection I am sorely lacking said balcony from which to fire my shots.  I guess I could hang out my bedroom window a mere 5 feet from the front door they may be coming in from, but that doesn't seem very smart.  Regardless, after I fired those two shots SURELY I'd be able to reload (just in case they didn't run off) in time before they make it the whole 22-25 feet from my front door, down the hall, and into my bedroom.

 

I'm really glad I have you to tell me what I need to protect myself.  What a relief.  I'm just a stupid American who really relys on the government to help keep me informed on important topics like this.  While I have your ear maybe you could give me some tips on the medical decisions and care I should take for my whoo-ha (aka va-jay-jay) too?