I'm headachey. I don't know if it's a symptom or a result. I got to sleep in this morning, since we had the day off, which was good - because after waking in the middle of the night I couldn't get back to sleep. I had a good 45 minutes of just thinking through things that I don't want to deal with, like busting hump for things that are - in the grand scheme of things - meaningless and aren't appreciated by others much less gainful for myself.

I did get some cleaning done and a few hours of work logged before heading to my accupuncture appointment and off for a pre-dinner meal with Beff. This evening I'm left here w/ the aforementioned headache feeling a bit woeful while waiting for meds to kick in so I can go to bed and not lay there suffering. I've done the requisite pondering about people in my past and realized for the most part I have no one to blame but myself. I could be the one married to person X if I had played my cards right, but I know I wouldn't have been happy. Even if I didn't feel that way, I do think he cared for me a great deal. At least that's a step up from most of my other relationships where I'm left heartbroken and wanting to be loved. Blah. I know I need to make a change to get what I want, but what?

I can't even say I want kids, but I do lament my age when I think about my eggs going south after 35 (recent article spurred that thought) or seeing people with teenagers of their own that are my age. I don't want to be 60 and just finishing raising someone. I guess those thoughts don't matter since most every guy my age already has his kids. My mind is a minefield right now.