I truly hate the simple truth that, as a female, I lose my mind once a month. A subject many would avoid or try to hide, but why? We all go completely insane. Any woman who claims she does not, steer clear my friend - they are likely to be completely bent, and since they don't realize they're mental they haven't the common sense to apologize for it.

I am in major procrastination/run in circles stage. There is so much to do in the next 10 days I feel completely overwhelmed again. I decided to try and find my timers for the lights this evening. I've scoured the house, everywhere that I could have possibly placed them - they were not to be found. I did, instead, find my butterfly knife, a few other odds and ends I thought lost forever, and the box of cards from my wedding. Not the most enjoyable discovery at this unhinged point in time. I was foolish enough last night to flip backwards in my journal (my offline blog as it were). I still don't understand how I survived that time. I don't even remember writing many of the things in there, true proof the me I know was long gone. During life changing events I truly believe people learn how strong they are, and how weak - the terrible things they are quite capable of.

I even had a moment of angst over the upcoming Christmas here by myself, just me, the dogs, and a fake tree. Amusingly, when I'm not suffering uncontrollable moods I find the concept preferable. I just can't get into Christmas anymore. I got through a Christmas alone two years ago without an issue. Ok, I wasn't alone, I was seeing someone at the time and they came back to town to spend time with me. Anything is better than the Christmas before it. Maybe someday I'll enjoy the holidays again. I won't hold my breath as the missing piece seems to elude me time and again.

I did have some excellent news this morning as I received what I consider to be a stellar grade on the second section of my paper. Of course, this just makes me stress all the more about section three. See? I told you - complete mental job.

Now, where are those damn timers.

"Precious and fragile things need special handling. -Depeche Mode"