I get a little irritated when I start thinking about things sometimes. I shouldn't even be moody right now, but I am - so you get to listen to me bitch.

First, there is 18 people in my class this semester. Our paper was due at midnight last night and as of this time, 24 hours LATE, there is still only 14 papers posted. HOW is this possible? And yet I sit and worry myself sick from the time of paper submission to receiving a grade.

Further, I spoke to my mom earlier today and she suddenly has a bug in her butt about me taking the dogs to HER when I go away. She's going to have a relative rig up a chain so she can put the dogs out behind her house when they need to go. Um, no. That little fence and the pathetically thin chain I can imagine that she and the relative would find to be adequate is NOT in fact sufficient. I can't go away and not be reachable when my dogs are in a situation where they very likely could break a chain, leap a tiny fence and be off into traffic within a half a block. I mean, she goes to another state to watch her grandchildren, but she can't come to another county to watch my dogs.

Further, what about my fish? Either way I have to get someone to come to my house on a daily basis. My options right now are to either get someone to just stop in every day a couple times a day or to send them back to the kennel for my travels. Given that we leave the day after thanksgiving and the kennel is closed for holidays I'd have to drop them on the 23rd, which also means leaving work early to do so. 13 or 14 days at the kennel? That's roughly $600. Never mind the gas prices being obscene and the kennel is 45 minutes away. Why not find a cheaper, closer kennel I'm sure you're thinking... well for the same reason why I don't want my dogs on a tiny chain behind my mother's house for potty breaks. It's all about trust. THIS is the kennel I trust to leave my dogs at.

Why does all of this light me up? Because financially it's not the best time right now. Granted, I still bought into things that I shouldn't have (jerseys, season tickets, trips) but damnit, I should be beyond the watching my checking account on a daily basis part of life. I actually had to put Davey off on his money for deck supplies because I went to church this morning and wrote out a check for $40. Ok, how TERRIBLE is my attitude that I think "If I hadn't written a check in _church_ this morning I'd feel comfortable paying him for the extra supplies he had to pick up?" Granted, the whole deck ordeal cost me way more than we originally estimated, but I've already griped to him about that. Watch, THIS is when the person I had talked to about getting a new sliding door will "come through".

Stupid freaking apartment. I need to find a tenant again, quickly. That WAS my disposable income for daily things. I also get irritated when I think of these things, because I've had friends who are looking to buy houses in the same price range in which I own. I know they don't make what I do, and that they have school loans and multiple car payments, and that they wouldn't have an apartment by which to even TRY and augment income. They somehow think they'll be fine and won't listen to me! HELLO. Somehow their monthly mortgage payment will be miraculously much less than mine. I can't wait to see that math on paper.

I'm not an irresponsible person. So I ask you - what the hell? I guess maybe unlike most people, I don't have 7 or 8 grand in credit card debt. Is that the difference? Surely it can't be.

And while we're on the money rant: Maybe I should just take a major loss on my extra life insurance policies and close them out for the money, like some other people did a long time ago out of their desperation to pay bills for their dependant female (that bitch coming later). Not like I have anyone to "inherit" anything from me. Then I look at things like my TiaaCref account through work... All said since returning back to my current employer, just over 15 grand went in from me and my employer. Despite trying to work things through my financial advisor and messing with numbers it's total worth is barely over 16 grand. WHAT? It made one thousand in 2 and a half years. That's it. How the hell does money manage to compound to the point that anyone can EVER retire? With money that was rolled out from previous employment into IRAs all I see is the amount stumbling back and forth making little progress.

Maybe I should just do what the rest of the United States does and decide that I should let the government take care of me. Or, I could just be one of those pathetic women who sit at home waiting to find a man who will babysit them and fork over all of their cash. "Take care of me, and in return you get me staying at home cleaning and making food" (note, some women do those tasks AND have an income). Sadly, those idiot males exist... they're the same ones that decide I'm not good enough for them. When you're honest with guys about what you do and don't want then you get ripped to shreds. Can you believe I actually had some a-hole clown message me that I should "put the twinkie down because ugly fat chics need not apply"? Sounds like the a-holes of yester-year that would say they'd "never date a f*cking ugly dog like me" or that they "don't know if they ever loved me" after wasting an exceedingly long period of my life. Maybe single is easier after all.

PS. Thanks to my employer for the empty envelope once again this year.

I'm just so tired.