Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015 has been a bit of a bitch.  It started out at the gate loosing Mom in January, then loosing Vixen just a week before the six month mark of Mother's passing at the end of June.  There is seeing Mom's things sold off, there is turning off the telephone number that always was hers/ours, there is saying goodbye to my childhood home.  As we end the year we can't even say that everything has been completely taken care of with the estate and heaven knows there will be complications to my taxes in a few short months as a result.

I hit another big birthday which I didn't take as poorly as my previous big birthday, but it is a loud clang of how little time I have left to have a family if that is even in the cards for me. 

I've continued fighting with my weight, putting a chunk back on and needing to work to get it moving back down in the right direction.  Last year in this end of year post I even commented that this yo-yo was something I needed to change in 2015.  I can't say I've won, but at least I didn't end up at the worst end of the spectrum again before I buckled back down... and I've even managed to maintain rather than gain through the holidays (so far).

I've also watched a company dwindle down even further with a constant stream of people leaving at or against their own will, but regardless with sadness.  I've always said there are a lot of good, kind, and smart people there.

I can look at the good things though:
- Vixie did have a nice long life.  She made it will past 16 years of age.
- There was more travels both on cruise ships (Independence with my sweetie - our first long vacation just the two of us, and Grandeur with my sister) and weekend getaways also with my beloved to the PA Grand Canyon and Cherry Springs as well as to Black Water Falls.
- On the most recent cruise (Grandeur) I received my crystal block for the ship on which I've travelled with so many adored people in my life (Mom, Sister, Niecey Poo, Favorite Egg, Beff, Aunt Linda, Kirkus, Slips, Tonya, the Chics) and where we experienced the fire in 2013.
- Beff is engaged!  She's found the one - and I get to be a maid of honor for someone I'm excited to honor and celebrate with.
- I said goodbye to Autumn (the Durango), and while this isn't necessarily good, the fact that I get to see her at work periodically is nice.  I had Serafina join the family and I'm very happy with my purchase.
- I had a focused effort to tithe more consistently.  I had set a goal, which I don't think I hit, but I know I came way closer than I could have imagined.  I can however successfully say that if I count donations I am well over the line, but I'd like to get to the point where I am financially tithing properly.
- I've continued to grow in my faith.  I won't try and claim huge leaps and bounds, but I have found more peace and feel like I'm a better person than I was a few years ago, and that's saying something.
- But, perhaps most importantly - I am still enjoying time spent with my beloved.  Some of the difficult things this year were bearable in part because of the love and joy he brings me.  I also believe I have healed some of my deeper scars a little more and I can say that some of the things I didn't know if I'd ever want again - I want.

My desires for 2016:
- As I stated it last year and remain in the same place I need to restate that I need to find a way to grow my skills again.
- I've done a little bit of purging in the past couple of years, but I need to make a focused effort to clear out things that I simply do not need or use, especially now that some of my headway has been packed up with boxes that came back with me from Mom's.
- I'd like to find the confidence to make a leap.  It would be difficult to move from the area, but it is long over due.  It would set me back financially and with regard to separate me from a church family that has allowed me to grow, so it would not be without challenges - but the message I've gotten is that I need to step out.  The question of to where remains at this time and I am praying that it will become clear.

2015 has been stressful, emotional, tiring, and disheartening at times, but things are shifting in my world.  I have someone to lean on and two fuzzy girls to pet.  Life is good.  Welcome 2016.

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