What I wish I could post on facebook and allow those that choose to unfriend me sort things out for 'themselves'...

If ya'll could stop posting the following that would be super (and yes, some of these bullet points make me think specifically about one or two people who regularly clog my feed):

• Dumb things that are simply not true - look crap up on snopes first.  No you won't get $100 from Microsoft and Facebook won't respect your privacy because you post some cut and paste blurb.
• Your completely unrelated items to groups to which we both belong.  I will report you every time and then explain to you what the word "spam" means.  Yay your friend's band is playing at Jack and George's - what does that have to do with Roosevelt Jr High?
• Links to vote for your ugly-ass kid.  Enough said.
• Requesting prayers.  Yeah, yeah, we all need a prayer from time to time, I don't mean you - I mean the one that posts because everything is about them and is so much bigger because it's happening to them 5x a day.
• Anything about Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Bruce Jenner, or any other no-talent ass clown.  Ok, Bruce Jenner was an olympic athlete, so I guess I can't call him no-talent.  But you get my point.
• The person who constantly complains about their pain.  It sucks that you have _insert disease here_, I am sorry, but surely there is something more to you than that?
• That your kids are throwing up or have a fever (again).  At some point you really should be embarrassed that they are _constantly_ ill.  You're clearly doing something wrong.
• Links to fund raise for some schmuck who should maybe go get a frelling job and pay for their own _whatever_.  Again, there are some cases I sympathize with (tragic accident etc), but when that person posts saying they're going out for drinks with friends one night and then posting asking for money to pay their rent the next?  Hells to the no.
• Your opinions.  I have them too, oh believe me I do.  But I know that if I reply to you in calm, rational disagreement you're going to lash out at me.  If you can't handle an intellectual rebuttal don't post it and stomp your feet like a three year old having a tissy when I reply.
• While we're on the subject of opinions:  listings for animals for sale.  Note I didn't say adoption, I'm talking about the a-holes who keep breeding their pets.  Stop. It.  Spay/Neuter.  How's that for an opinion?
• Worse than opinions?  Agendas!  If you are the type of person who votes based on one topic you're so passionate about that you are blinded to all other things, this is you. I don't care if it's a Second Amendment agenda, a Pro-Life agenda, or a Gay-Rights agenda, etc, etc.
• Now, while we're on the topic of voting - do you really think any of those idiots are different from any of the other idiots in or running for office?  You're crazy if you do.
• How freaking happy you are.  I know what's up there is mostly crap and that's the issue I have a problem with.  Who are you trying to convince that your relationship is so spectacular?  I've known plenty of relationships that are beyond rocky that feel the need to post like crazy in this manner.  So, even if I don't know what your relationship is like offline, guess what I'm going to place my money on.
• Slight variation - how in love you are.  With the person you met two weeks ago, like a week after the last one dumped you and you spent a week posting how life means nothing and he/she will never understand what they meant to you.  This 2-3 month cycle is tedious and sad when you're 16, it's just ridiculous if you're of an age when you should be paying your own bills.
• An obscene number of photos.  This takes multiple forms.  First, I love my dogs, but I don't post photos every day.  Why?  Because no one wants to see photos of them _every day_.  Nor do they want to see photos of your kids every day (and no, they're not as cute as you think they are either - see bullet number 3).  The first day of school photo?  Awesome.  The second, third, fourth, fifth... *sigh*  Now, I'm not heartless - If I like you, I most likely enjoy a periodic picture or antidote about your kid.  Second, of every piece of food you put in your mouth.  You're killing me.  I blame you for the last 5 lbs.
• Comments (especially by my family members) that are racist, homophobic, misogynistic, etc.  You're an ass and I'm ashamed of you.
• Anything you "seen".  SAW - you SAW it.  I wouldn't call myself a grammar nazi, ok, sometimes, but I have my own phrases I misuse, I know this.  This one just tweaks me.
• To complain about your parents or children.  Screw you.  Wanna trade?
• The people who "like" a sad post (I'm talking like "someone died").  You're a friggin psychopath.

To the few friends I would have left after the above post I would then say - if you plan on celebrating a birthday in the next year have a very happy one.  I really don't have the patience to check in and wish everyone a happy birthday on an individual basis.  Fact is - if facebook didn't tell me today was your birthday, would I have known?  Out of my 300 friends, I'd say I could probably nail 20 or so.  Other than that... sorry.