There are 4 things someone can bring up that will rip me to shreds and make me beat myself up...
1).  How dumb I am... which, despite great effort remains the same.
2).  How fat I am... which I've been trying to work on and I just can't get back where I want to be.
3).  How ugly I am... which obviously, the years don't help... which brings me to...
4).  How old I am... and yet, here it comes again.

I think it was pretty mean for a friend to bring up #1, even joking, while I'm mentally already struggling with #4.  Yes, I know I'm dumb, I know I'm not as smart as you.

...and, people don't understand why I'm snapped at the prospect of less than 3 weeks of tasking remaining and saving and not wanting to do anything.  What they don't see is that if it happens, I know it's going to take me back a good 10 years to a really really bad time.  Thinking about it puts me damn near into a panic attack.  It makes it hard to breathe and it even makes me wonder what other two things will happen to make it the second worst point in time in my life.  At least I am still confident it can't top that other time frame.  The worse part is that _this place_ was my backup.  I'm here... I don't have another backup.  Where does that leave me?