Some days I just feel so incredibly ugly - inside and out. Yes, I get very very angry when I feel like I've tried so very hard and people just look at me like I've sprouted a spare head. I hate dragging things out and beating dead horses, I hate that trying to consider everyone's opinion means you never get anything done much less done right, I hate how one or two comments can change my entire outlook on life and myself.

I am a strong woman. I am a take charge kind of person if I am told to run with something. So why is it so easy to make me crumble and bring me to tear covered rubble? Does it all come back to how easily I allow myself to become emotionally involved in things (in general)? Is that why the days where I just feel numb are so much easier? Is it possible to go through life being numb and get any satisfaction? I'm not trying to be negative here, just venting some and exploring my own thoughts. I don't know how long I can go on being strong on the outside and weak and cowardly deep down inside.

Where is my pillar of strength? Where is the person I am suppose to be able to lean on and turn to? Where is the one that gives me the reason to soldier on and put up with all of the bullshit because I am working on something better for "us"?

"Maybe if I act like that - that guy will call me back. -Pink"