How can I be so many miles away and still right in the same exact spot (mentally)? Can´t sleep, brain won´t stop. Wanting answers years overdue, feeling unlovable, running through thoughts of how I was in different situations... too present or too abstracted, too eager to press things forward or too laid back... either way it didn´t work. Somehow the only common factor in all of my failed attempts at finding love have been me. I can´t run from it even for a few short days I suppose. Such a sad realization.

There are times I do wish I had had the nerve to take all of those sleeping pills I popped out of their casing. All you did was ignore it, perhaps hoping I did. I know you had to have seen it. Really? You cared THAT fucking little? Perhaps because you were already in your next relationship mentally if not physically. You really have perminantly fucked my brain.