Introspection - the curse of people who just can't seem to sleep well. I've never been the type of person who can't get a good night's sleep, so I don't know what gives with me as of late. Gratefully however in the past few years I've grown a little, and instead of a bout of introspection being all about tearing myself apart it was moreso listing off the things that make me kind of cool. Granted the final question still remains - if it's all true, what's the problem here?

First to address the one thing that many find to be a flaw of mine. I obsess. Do I? Ok, I'm a female computer scientist. Is that not a mix of two obsessive compulsive worlds? Yes, I obsess. I think in some ways I fixate on certain goals in order to put some of the things that are in my past behind me. If I don't have something to focus on for the future then I tend to look back, and what is the point there? If being fixated on my future goals and hopes is wrong I'd have to say it's better than the alternative. And even if I don't achieve all of the things I'm looking forward to, at least I can say I tried.

I've been blessed to have a pretty good job here in lovely Johnstown. I'm not stockpiling tons of money for my retirement or anything, but I am able to own my own home and my own new car. If a friend and I decide to whisk off to Toronto for a weekend, no problem, or a trip down south to enjoy some nice southern weather in January (and catch a few hockey games) - again, no problem. I'm that fortunate.

As far as who I really am, I'm someone with eclectic tastes (even if Christine and I can't agree on a movie or more than one CD) and a sense of humor. I think I'm a pretty caring person who is dedicated to doing whatever my friends may need of me - and for that reason I've been blessed beyond reason by having quite a few great people in my life as friends.

I'm an evolving and growing creature. I'm still in school pursuing a graduate degree, I take the time to learn a new skill every now and again, and I participate in different activities year round. Granted, some days I wonder how I'd make time/room for someone special if they suddenly appeared - but I think that's something I'll figure out when the time comes - gladly.

I'm not 120lbs by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm at a healthy weight and I know I can take more weight off if I set my mind to it - I've done it before. I've also learned in the past two years that I can toss a couple curls in my hair and spend 5 minutes on my make up and look in the mirror and smile. I look pretty darn good. Again - not a supermodel, but I like what I see more often than not (don't we all have our days when that isn't true).

As a final offer, I'd like to share one more thing with you, my dear reader. If you're reading this - regardless of who you are - know that I'm saying a prayer for you. I know it was a long road to get to the point where I like myself as much as I do. I hope that you will find some of the happiness and contentment that I've found in recent years, in whatever area of your life you're currently struggling. It breaks my heart to think about some of the things on the minds of people I care about. More difficult still is knowing some of the things that people have yet to share, things they've decided to bottle up inside.

I know there are areas where I too could still use a hand. Maybe you'd like to return a prayer in my name? I think we all need a little help from the guy up above to know what direction to turn. I'm just glad my instrospection ended with me saying "ok, that's all well and good... but where do I go from here" not a sadened "how did I get here".