Time for a PMS-esque babble. I am sick of being single again, but at the same time I see opportunities around me for relationships and I'm not interested. I have to wonder if I'm just never going to get the huge spark thing like I've had in the past again or if I'm just not finding guys that fit the bill. Maybe not having interest is my way of protecting people too - because I know I'm still not ready for something major.

It's kind of a strange feeling to have both the "not ready for all that bs" tugging in one direction and the haunting thought of turning 30 next year pulling in the other direction. I can't believe it, but yes - in SOME ways I'm ticking. Maybe it's my mind telling me to live like I'm 20, but my heart telling me to get over that.

Part of it is that, if my nighttime dream world holds any water, my past is not truly buried. One can't exactly find Mr. Right if those types of things still have plans to haunt. (And yes, I do believe in the foretelling power of dreams.) In the mean time - despite getting good sleep again I remain distracted in my everyday life. Right now, if I could just find someone that is attractive enough of an option to call a date for the Christmas party I'd be happy. Guys traditionally LIKE girls that aren't clingy and don't have any desire to be. So what gives?

"I feel like I'm living the worst day, over and over again. -Simple Plan"