It was a bit warmer and the rain stopped for a little while (although it's back once again).  I guess we're pretty lucky compared to the folks an hour and a half to two hours east.

Earlier this week I had a hankering for wings and sent out the mass invite.  Tonight it was on at the Orchard.  I think there was more people there than we ever had on our regular wing nights.  You see, back in the day our crew headed out on Thursday nights for wings and/or quarter beers etc at Dougherty's.  Eventually we started also hitting the Orchard.  With Dougherty's being a distant memory in this town, the Orchard it was.  I've got to say though, if I come a half an hour ahead of the 10-15 people I was expecting, you really should do a better job of trying to make space for us.  Further, making me wait until darn near 20 after 7 to order a drink, much less my food - not cool.  So, I think they disappointed one person who had never been there before and had a small crew leave without ordering thanks to the delays and seating discomforts.

Regardless, I'm home after eating stuff I really shouldn't be... and I am so not walking tonight.  I think it's time for early to bed, another sign of the swiftly approaching fall/winter... I just want to sleep.

Last night I enjoyed a fire in the fireplace, it nicely warmed up the living room given the crappy colder, rainy weather.  Looks like I might need to pull out the space heaters way sooner than I'd like.  It would be nice to know I could just flip on the furnace... but alas, I missed the furnace guy today, getting his message only as I was leaving work.  *sigh* So I'm back on the waiting list to get an appointment.

Of course, I now think I need to try and get Danika into the vet, which is complicated by Dr. Sanderson being out tomorrow and having an appointment of my own on Friday.  You see, she has had this lump, perhaps you recall reading about it, since after a shot several years ago.  It's pretty much between her shoulder blades.  Now, I don't know if it was truly from the shot or just a coinky-dink, but it's there.  Anyhow, last night I noticed that she had a wound up high on her shoulder.  At first I though "SOB, when the hell did she and Vixen have an issue", then I noted her trying to scratch at it and recalling she's been scratching more than normal.  It needed cleaning so I was on the task with my peroxide.  I poked, prodded, looked closely at the wound, and I didn't find the aforementioned bump and now think that she scratched it open.  Yay, but why?  what?  I cleaned it again tonight, hopefully we'll keep infection away.

The good news is I think the impromptu gutter cleaning last night helped. The bad news is we're under a flood watch through Thursday, so mother nature has many more opportunities to thwart my efforts.

My work day went pretty fast with the task I have at hand. I didn't get much 'done', but my efforts kept me busy. Had a good tension headache rocking up the back of my neck and around my head when I left, but that has faded since I got home without drugs. Three more days to go.

I got up and headed to Altoona to feed mom some of the grubbage I made earlier in the weekend, with a two-pack of steaks in tow to grill. After we ate we headed to do some visiting again and I headed out from there to come back up the mountain.

My immediate order of business, despite the ongoing rain, was to go try and figure out why my gutters and downspouts at the one corner of the house are creating an issue inside. They are after all calling for rain through Thursday, along with a flood watch. Never mind the mid-50s predicted for tomorrow and mid-60s for the two days after that. Yay Johnstown. Regardless, I took the covers off and they were still loaded with junk DESPITE the gutter covers having been there. WTF. I scooped everything I could from the primary culprit (in the rain, teetering on my ladder higher than I like), and left the covers off. We'll see if that helps.

BTW, this commercial is still running, it just came on as I was typing this post. I can't be the only one who finds it incredibly disgusting. I guess it's not as rancid as this one.

Despite the ongoing heat this morning I got my rear outside and pulled out the dead/dying plants, leaving behind only what is still blooming in the flower gardens, tossed the emptied tomato and pepper plants, and pulled all of my nearly dried up perennials out of their containers. Yes, I think fall is that imminent. Another weekend, maybe a month or so and I'll be pulling the rest from the flower beds and putting out the shovels. Whee.

I had the joy of catching up with Kath, Mark, and Mikey for Chinese tonight. I looked back in my old posts to see it's been 3 1/2 months since the last time we all got caught up there and let me tell you how long overdue that is. It's so good to be around people that make me forget about what's going on in my mind and to have a smile on my face.

After dinner I came back and decided to go walk in the rain with Saf. She had a bug up her butt and was bouncing around, and walking in the rain has, historically, been very therapeutic, so off we went. 45 minutes later and I had some thoughts filtered out through my mind.

1). It's become clear to me in recent weeks where I feel I went wrong with my ex so many years ago, what led to where things went. I don't like looking those reasons in the face, but I'll own them because I know that I need to keep them close if I want a chance with someone else.

2). With more recent events... there is only two reasons why the things that are being said and done are occurring. Either...

He has not truly experienced love. Sure, they claim to have been in love with someone who broke their heart, but if you know what that level of love and heartache can be, you would never knowingly subject someone else to it. Perhaps they simply do not know better.

I don't know how much water this theory holds. Yes, I think at this stage this person is only capable of loving themselves and their child. I think it's further evidenced by the fact that he would choose actions that look like he cares about a current girlfriend (even though after they started dating he was still hitting on me) and then revert into baiting me again while they remain together. Regardless, I do think on some sick level they loved the person they cheated on a spouse with. How that leaves me thinking that they probably cheated on that person as well is just a little beyond all logic, but it's my gut and I've been learning to trust its instincts.

...or...

He hates me. I did something I don't know I did during the course of nearly four years of on and off to bring this hatred upon myself. He feels like he was wronged somewhere along the way and they want to somehow get even for their pain they felt.

If this is the case, all I can say is I truly don't know what I did. From my vantage point I was the one who was chewed up and spit out repeatedly. I wanted nothing more than for him to want me the way I wanted him. When his affection turned away and returned I guess my idiot heart wanted to think that there was a deep draw there, or a realization that I really was a better option than they initially realized.

Did I "strong arm" him, keeping him at a distance (his phrasing)? You bet I did. After the first time I was squashed I didn't want to put my heart back in the vice. I didn't dare press for more as I knew where I stood, even if I couldn't stand up for myself and say I deserved better. I didn't press for more time, to hear their voice on the phone more often, for any expression of affection. Maybe if I had pressed and risk that denial I could have ran the other way long ago, maybe I wouldn't still be so hurt.

It eats at me. I was doing so well since I did force the issue and made him say it would be "best if we didn't speak". That lasted for what... 4 1/2 - 5 months? So why did he decide to rise from the dead to haunt me once again?

I had to flip the breaker to kick on the air today as it was pretty darn warm out there. I made my run to Fritz's for fruit and through Ollies looking for more chopped garlic in a jar (no dice). The dishes are washed and away, the carpet is vacuumed and the kitchen floor is scrubbed. To make my world seem more in line my lawn care was tended to today too.

Some things got done, I didn't go walking since it was so warm (piss poor excuse, I know) and I sit here on a Saturday night alone, again. Alone isn't ideal, but it beats the pseudo-dates I've had in the past. You know, never mind with dinner or romance, let's just hang out, but not at a respectable hour. It's just as bad as being invited out on a lunch date. I do keep reminding myself to be glad that is a thing of the past and I hope there is someone out there that will see me for the catch I am, be willing to be seen with me, and treat me well. Hurry up buddy.

Oh! Forgot to mention that my fence was (at long last) repaired yesterday. So, there is no longer a big nasty looking bend where that one tree fell. Where another pine tree has grown significantly since 1999, when the fence was put in, some of the fencing was trimmed away so it isn't bending and popping off of the posts. YAY!

It's Saturday morning, I'm already showered... now what. I have desires to go out shopping, but for what? I don't need anything and frankly, since I've cut back it's nice to see more money sitting in my checking account, I'd like to continue that. I should be cleaning, but it all seems futile sometimes. Dust this... no one but me sees it and then it needs dusted again in just a few short days.

I followed my new cooking ventures last night, so I don't even have that to do. With some of the goodies from my porch garden and some from my farm box I tried:
- Eggplant fritters: meh. They were a bit bitter. I think it's due to the baking soda they called for, but it was in the recipe, so... either way, wasn't impressed.
- Stuffed peppers: were pretty darn good. The yellow peppers from my plants went into something yummy and they didn't upset my stomach too much as a pile of green peppers probably would have. I'll accept this as a viable method to get ricotta cheese to my mouth since pasta needs to be an infrequent occurrence.
- Apple slaw: I had a coleslaw made with apples at a restaurant in MD with Rex a few months ago and it was so yummy. I'm completely at a loss when it comes to cooking with cabbage, so I hunted this recipe down and gave it a try. While I could still SMELL cabbage, which is not a favorite of mine, it was still pretty good, but not as good as the stuff from Union Jack's.

Since I left work a bit early yesterday due to having some hours built up the cooking was done early enough for me to head out to a movie. Since I really hate that they charge you extra for 3D movies, which rarely have anything that look 3D and force me to wear glasses, which I hate to do, I didn't hit the movie I think I would have enjoyed more. Instead I went to "Don't be afraid of the dark". I should know better than to go to remakes. It was watchable, but frankly not that great. The house was gorgeous, I'd love to have the tree/leaf windows and doors, but that's about that most appealing part. The little girl's acting was pretty bad, especially when she was being attacked. I don't quite get how they didn't kill her when they "had her" a couple of times there. I also get irritated with a movie when the people do not respond in a realistic manner to what is happening. Guess what, if I KNOW there are little fairy-troll things in my house, I'm gone yo. You also can't keep saying "every penny I have is in this house" and be driving around in a BMW. No believing you.

It's pretty sad that my life is so boring that I can't stand needing to go to work, but frankly, it's the most happening thing I've got going on and I've "spent" all of my ideas last night between the food and the movie.

With the ongoing challenges at work (I'll leave it at that) I know I shouldn't complain, but I feel less than awesome about my current alignment there. I'm a bit bored, struggling to figure out how to contribute with the current state of things, and struggling to wrap my mind around things. One more day and I get a long weekend, I just need to focus on that right now.

I've been good, walking each night since Monday, but no where near the hour I put in then. Hell, my legs, up by my hips, are still sore from Monday. Funny how different it is walking outside than on a treadmill. I figure I should take advantage of what's left of the nice weather. I did, after all, see a maple tree turning red on my walk with Saffy this evening.

I survived Monday and headed out by 4 to wait for the DirecTV service guy. They promptly swapped out the box and ta-da! With plenty of evening left even after I ate dinner, and a bit of enthusiasm to see the numbers on the scale start dropping again I headed out on a NICE long walk with Vixen. We got about an hour in, so that's a win. On the way back in however I busted the game-player in a drive past of my house. I really and truly do not understand. If I wind up dead in a ditch somewhere... I guess this was the warning signs I missed.

My weekend is almost over once again. How sad. I headed past Altoona first thing yesterday to attend the Miche team meeting. It was a must since I earned my September shells for free! 11. ELEVEN of them this month, what a good month to put in my effort. I'm so excited to head out carrying my bag to show off what's new. Matter of fact, I was so psyched when I came home I spun up a new blog just for Miche and a matching twitter account.

Of course, once you head that way you've got to stop in Altoona. My brother was also in town from Ohio, so double the reason. It was good to see him and he looks better than I've seen him in quite a while. We had dinner at an aunt's place and then the storms rolled in. I figured I should head up the mountain before it got too dark and was surprised to find the storms weren't the whole way up past 53 even.

I'm still without the ideal DirecTV situation in the bedroom after the storm issues last week, but I've got DirecTV coming tomorrow evening to investigate further. I suspect the HDMI out on the receiver got fried.

Today's major cheat? I've got meatballs cooked and dunked into some fresh sauce sauteing in the kitchen. That means some pasta is in order for dinner. Of course, I already have a bit of a headache, and without eating much pasta in recent months I dunno if it's wise. I do suspect I have some food allergies for sure, which could just be exacerbated by the pasta.

Oh and I had yet another text yesterday. I just don't get what his motivation is. Why would you want to torment me? You didn't want me, you broke my heart time and again. Is it fun for you???

This morning I had an epiphany when I went to curl my hair. It didn't want to turn on either, which was very odd. Oh look, the GFCI was popped. That took out the whole bedroom. Went to the kitchen and one of the two there was also popped and had taken out the stove and living room, etc. Ok, so now I have power again... but the furnace still wants to blow when it has power and the directv in the bedroom won't cooperate and give me a signal.

Small victory, two more battles.

As to the idiot... another oops? Yea, don't think so. Not sure why some people need to keep people reeled in. Not happening dude.

12:36pm. They called me for addl info at 6ish and said it should be addressed by 8pm. I call them now and they say they talked to me... when my phone didn't ring and I wasn't here, uh, no... but that, ultimately, it's not on their end. Seriously? So I get to spend tomorrow calling asshole electricians in the area that won't return my calls and will probably treat me like an idiot because I'm female. Rest assured if I PAY someone and they tell me it's not in the house I'm going to have a shit fit Penelec. I guess I'm wearing black to work tomorrow too, since I still won't have lights in the bedroom when I wake up *day 2*

BTW... I was not here because Mithy needed some quality time. I go there and out of the blue douche-bag kangaroo starts messaging me? Go f yourself.